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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my son’s BFF is bang out of order?

32 replies

SoniaSwanners · 24/09/2025 08:59

Between 2022 and 2023, for exactly a year, my family paid for my son and his friend to rent a flat in Bristol. My son was a student at the time and we were supporting him financially, which we were happy to do and easily able to afford. The friend, also at university, did not have equivalent financial support from his family, but my son really wanted to share a flat with him, and there was room for the friend in the flat we were renting, so we were perfectly happy to let the friend stay in the flat for the year, even though he wasn’t paying rent.

Fast forward to now: both son and friend have now graduated and are looking for jobs in London. The friend’s financial position has changed - his dad died, and he inherited 50k. He wants him and my son to rent a flat right now, or as soon as possible, because he’s unhappy at home with his mum and can’t wait to get out. My son would rather find a job in London first, before renting a flat, but he’s very accommodating and is willing to fall in with the friend’s preferred timeline - so my son has asked me and my husband if we might be willing to lend him his share of the rent/deposit until he gets a job.

Ordinarily, we’d be happy to do this - but I have this persistent and quite cross thought that the friend, having been treated to a year’s free rent by our family and having now come into 50k of his own, ought to say, ‘hey, listen, obviously it’s my turn to pay the rent for a bit, since you/your fam paid for me in Bristol.’ But friend is not saying this nor even thinking about saying it. I think this is absolutely bloody outrageous and remiss of the friend - it’s actually making me really not like him anymore - but am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 24/09/2025 09:10

Agree with @clockstops.

HardworkSendHelp · 24/09/2025 09:09

Totally agree with you OP. He could let your son live a couple of months rent free and stump up the full deposit. Your son should just ask him outright. “Can you pay the full deposit and rent for the first two months as the bank of Mum and Dad is closed after they paid the rent for both of us in Bristol for the year. So unless you can help me I can’t go to London until I have a job”

KateMiskin · 24/09/2025 09:09

No good deed goes unpunished.

Dazzlemered · 24/09/2025 09:08

I’m sure there is probably a massive difference in the price of rent in London compared to Bristol.

Clockstops · 24/09/2025 09:07

I don't think the two things are linked.

You could easily afford the rent. Friend has never had any money and now has £50k which won't go far if he starts splashing it around. He's being sensible as only someone who's never had anything really understand how.

It's your son who wants something he can't afford.

PashaMinaMio · 24/09/2025 09:05

“Thou shall not give to receive” but I see where you’re coming from.

If your son does not quickly get a job it could be a very expensive exercise for you.

London is hugely expensive as we all know and even £50k isn’t going to last long for the friend.

It’s putting the cart before the horse. Job first then accommodation.

Lollypop267 · 24/09/2025 09:03

It is pretty well known that you should never loan money, or in this case cover someone, if you are expecting it back.

Is it a shame? Sure. But not everyone is generous or thoughtful and writing him off will only alienate your son.

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