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So upset I lent family money

103 replies

gemgem57 · 24/09/2025 00:45

I know it’s an age old thing of don’t lend that which you can’t afford to loose. I’m fully aware it was my own stupid fault. I’m just so upset about it.

A few months ago I had a really good job. I was making thousands a month. My family all suddenly became leeches and asked me for every penny.
Mostly I said no apart from small things. Then, my sister had a massive issue with her tooth. Dental treatment is expensive in the Uk and I felt sorry for her. I paid it all. A few hundred a week.
It is pertinent to say that prior to this we were not close. She hasn’t worked for over 20 years due to anxiety and lives off of everyone else.

Well, the got this job and she was begging me for money. She was in agony apparently. I was not expecting payment as I knew she didn’t have funds.
But. The issue is now that she won’t even bother to talk to me. We weren’t close before granted but I stepped up when she needed help and I calculated I spent at least three thousand to help her.
she took it and doesn’t bother with me at all.
I know I was an idiot and I have no legal leg to stand on. But, would I be right to go no contact for this?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 24/09/2025 01:27

Do you still have the well-paid job? If so, the best revenge is to live well.

Your sister? She didn’t particularly bother with you before, she doesn’t now. No change. Unless you thought you were buying a closer relationship with her, she has been consistent.

Xmas, just pop in and see them for the shortest time, then leave and please yourself. No need to NC, you can LC.

TheSandgroper · 24/09/2025 01:22

You knew what they are like so that’s on you. However, you now know what to expect again if they ask and you can frame your response accordingly.

But, what I will also say is that you are a good person, You behaved as a good person does and you need to find your validation in that. They are not good people. You will never understand how they behave as they do. Don’t waste the energy trying to.

You now need to find the balance between you doing what you think is the right thing and being happy with your effort and finding the point at which you say “no” the next time they ask - because there will be a next time.

Finding another way to do Christmas doesn’t seem unreasonable.

gemgem57 · 24/09/2025 00:48

Sorry for the typos. I did write quickly. Hopefully you’ll get the gist.
The rest of my family are no help as I gave them a lot of money too which was promised back but is looking unlikely now.
I am absolutely dreading Christmas as I don’t want to be around any of them.

OP posts: