AIBU to ask my housemate if my boyfriend can stay over for the night?

I was in a similar set up about ten years ago; a friends grandfather owned a rental, she needed somewhere to live and rented it off him, then needed a roommate and asked me. Be it rightly or wrongly the fact it was in her family definitely tipped the balance towards her as to who had more ‘ownership’ on the house. I always felt I had to ask permission for things even having a friend round for dinner; I moved out in the end to get on a more even keel. Are you and your partner at a stage you could find a place together?

I read this in a Scottish accent (should I have done?) and it has cheered up this whole thread for me.

Wtf

She probably doesn't want to have to listen to you fucking like a pair of deranged chimps while she's sat downstairs watching Strictly

Do ye get along well, is she is a higher position than you at work

It is nit necessarily about legal rights but it gives an indication on what can be considered appropriate.

You rent a hosue together. Both on the tenancy agreement, it is polite to ask but you don't have to accept her no.

Under the table, cash in hand subletting verbal agreement. You can't really bring people over without agreement. And you kinda signed up for that cause it is closer to a house guest than a roomate.

Official subletting agreement. That would depends on the terms.

Not necessarily legally, but it tied into what your relationship is. Your request is not unreasonable.

All you can do is have a chat with her. Tell her why you want him to stay over and how it won't be an every night thing. If se still says no, think if this living arrangement is for you.

Gordon bleedin' bennet

OP you’re still not saying if you’re had a conversation with her about this. You need to directly ask her what the problem is here, rather than pandering to her.

You were correct and respectful. But have you talked to her about it? Because to be honest whoever agrees or disagrees with you on here is irrelevant in this situation. For what it is worth, I think it’s harsh too, but I don’t know any of the people involved. A lot of us are giving you the benefit of our experience, but you keep adding in new details. We are trying to help.

I’ve said this upthread but, honestly OP, I think there’s a lot to be gained from just coming out and asking her what bothers her about him staying over. This might be really easy to resolve with a frank convo. It’s really hard to live with anyone you don’t feel you can communicate with.

It would be helpful if you gave us the details. Why would I think they'd just met many, many times while out and about or at your work?

That said, you've been there a year, you want your BF over, and it's time to find your own place where it's comfortable to do that and you guys pay for yourselves.

I didn't realise when I wrote my first post, I read it that they were housemates equally sharing.

Yep if it's her mates house she totally has the right to not want men she doesn't know in her house.

You have a very informal rental agreement. Being that the landlord is her relative, if you rock the boat too much, you may find yourself homeless.

People are assuming she doesn't want the hassle of having an extra person in the house (despite her allowing her own visitors. People are selfish hey hoe).
It is a bit harsh of her to not allow overnight visitors occasionally.

If it were me I'd say "Boyfriend is staying over on Friday night as we're going to X on Saturday morning". If she says that's not happening then you can find out why.

But like I said if you upset her or the relative landlord then they may retaliate by evicting you.

I also don't understand why you haven't asked her WHY she doesn't want you having overnight guests.

They don't rent the house together because they are not both named on the tenancy. The friend is the tenant. She has the legal responsibility for the house.
She rents the house from a family member and she has taken in a lodger to help share the costs of the house after her partner left.
. It doesn't make the slightest difference how much rent the OP pays or whether she owns the house.
She isn't the tenant she is the lodger

She doesn't own the house, she rents it and they split the rent equally. Plus she has people stay over, but is saying no to OP!

Well he is a family member, so I presume so.

YANBU

As you are paying half the total rent, and she has people stay over, she's being very unreasonable to not let your BF who has helped with jobs around the place to stay once every 3 months! I'd very politely tell her that "it doesn't work staying at his place, as the event is local to where we live. I think it's fair for him to stay as I'm contributing equally to our house", or something along those lines.

Do you mean she is subletting? Does the landlord know?

I would sit down and have a chat and explain you want them to be able to stay. Explain it's likely to be infrequently, maybe one weekend a month.

There is an imbalance as you are living in her home although without you should would likely need someone else to move it.

If she doesn't agree you may want to consider finding somewhere else

YANBU.

The OP's friend is the one who is responsible for the house. If the OP's boyfriend broke something, and he refused to pay for the repair/replace it, she would have to. If something disappeared from the house while the boyfriend is there, she would have to replace it. She may find the OP's boyfriend using the bathroom when she needs it. She may find the OP and her boyfriend using the kitchen for breakfast. She may feel uncomfortable to walk in her home in her nightie because she knows there's a stranger (to her) in her home. And as it often happens, if she says "yes" to him staying one night, from then on she may find he stays 2 nights a week, and then 4 nights a week, and eventually she'll have 2 people staying at her house and using water, popwer and gas but only one paying.

And yes, these are all situations I have encountered in my time as a renter from a number of flatmates. Not uncommon at all.

don't ask next time, I never asked permission from my flatmate if I could have blokes round

If it's her house, she has the right to say no. Maybe she doesn't want another person using her bathroom. Perhaps she just doesn't want another person - or a man? - sharing her space.

I think you’re just going to ask her why not and what the problem is. Hopefully she will give you a reason whereby you are able to reassure her.

She's subletting. You are a very unsafe situation here re accommodations. As a lodger you no rights. You would be better in a house share and agree over night guests. I'd look for somewhere else to live as soon as possible if I was you