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AIBU?

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Original poster

My Ds keeps saying he doesn't love me

61 replies

Summertimefarewell · 23/09/2025 16:10

My DS is 5 and just started year 1. He has no issues going in and loves school however I've noticed a shift in his attitude.

If I ask him to do anything or say something can't happen nicely and calmly he says 'i don't love you' 'you're the worst mum' and today he said 'i hate you' he will also go away from me and not engage and hold grudge for ages and say things like 'dont come near me' 'i don't forgive you'

He has started saying these things outside the home and around friends and family over the smallest innocuous things.

I feel embarrassed. Not only is it disrespectful it's hurtful as I dont hear other children say this to their mum's when they don't get their own way.
So I'm wondering AIBU to thing this is a personality thing or is a phase nearly 6 year olds go through.

He's always been quite loving up until now and he's really changed lately. I wonder if something else is going on. To note, we are firm and fair and never say these things to him. We only ever display and show him love and try to give him boundaries.

OP posts:
AprilShowers25 · 23/09/2025 17:13

No, it’s just a little kid thing - they can be awful sometimes!

GarlicBreadStan · 23/09/2025 17:11

Summertimefarewell · 23/09/2025 17:08

Interesting. Do you know if it's typically a SEN thing?

Show quote history

Honestly I'm not 100% sure. I think a lot of SEN kids do go through it, but a lot of neurotypical kids go through it too. Sorry that's not very helpful, but I think it is just a common thing that kids do. My son has lots of other autistic traits which is the reason I mentioned it, but I do remember feeling like I was alone in it x

AprilShowers25 · 23/09/2025 17:10

Been through this with both mine at a similar age, very hurtful the first time around but it was just a phase and they are both very loving now although they do switch between me and DH as being favourites. You just need to express that it makes you feel sad and it’s not very nice to say.

Original poster
Summertimefarewell · 23/09/2025 17:08

GarlicBreadStan · 23/09/2025 16:53

My son is 7. He's been saying this since he was about 4 or 5. What I've noticed is, is that he says it when he can't describe exactly how he's feeling. Granted, he is also autistic.

I will also add that just because you don't hear other children saying it to their parents doesn't mean that they don't say it. Their parents probably just don't talk about it.

I know it's hard, and I struggle to follow this advice myself, but I would really try not to take it personally. Starting school is such a big change, and can bring out feelings that kids haven't experienced yet.

I promise he doesn't actually hate you. He's just using the only words he can find within himself. He could hate the situation. He could hate that you've said no to giving him something he's asked for. But he doesn't hate you. Just keep telling him that you love him, and keep trying to name feelings.

Interesting. Do you know if it's typically a SEN thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Summertimefarewell · 23/09/2025 17:08

JetFlight · 23/09/2025 17:07

Has he heard anyone else talking like that to you?
How about replacing his words with what you think he means?
He can’t go to the park and says “I hate you” perhaps you could say “you’re disappointed you can’t go to the park. I understand”

No not at all me and his dad never speak like that to each other

OP posts:
JetFlight · 23/09/2025 17:07

Has he heard anyone else talking like that to you?
How about replacing his words with what you think he means?
He can’t go to the park and says “I hate you” perhaps you could say “you’re disappointed you can’t go to the park. I understand”

Poppingby · 23/09/2025 17:01

Yes I would think something else is going on and it's worth trying to find out what. Lots of love bombing and time doing things together and I bet he will take the opportunity to talk about whatever is bothering him. Kids are hard! You can 100% guarantee that he does love you and does want you near him, but something is making him angry/sad/frightened by the sound of it (I don't mean to scare you by saying that, 5 yr olds find loads of weird things scary).

PersephoneParlormaid · 23/09/2025 16:55

He’s doing it to get a reaction, just ignore it.

BlueMum16 · 23/09/2025 16:54

I'd just ignore it. Don't react. Don't show it's hurtful. Continue to love him.

Has he heard similar from someone else?

GarlicBreadStan · 23/09/2025 16:53

My son is 7. He's been saying this since he was about 4 or 5. What I've noticed is, is that he says it when he can't describe exactly how he's feeling. Granted, he is also autistic.

I will also add that just because you don't hear other children saying it to their parents doesn't mean that they don't say it. Their parents probably just don't talk about it.

I know it's hard, and I struggle to follow this advice myself, but I would really try not to take it personally. Starting school is such a big change, and can bring out feelings that kids haven't experienced yet.

I promise he doesn't actually hate you. He's just using the only words he can find within himself. He could hate the situation. He could hate that you've said no to giving him something he's asked for. But he doesn't hate you. Just keep telling him that you love him, and keep trying to name feelings.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/09/2025 16:49

No advice but i am sorry op, that must be incredibly hurtful.

Hopefully it is just a phase to get a reaction, i'm sure he doesnt really mean it 🥺💐

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