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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to think this is a good salary?

191 replies

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 14:55

Just to settle an argument. My husband and I respectively take home 33k and 31k a year after tax.

I work 30 hours, he works 38. He wants me to up my hours but I don’t see why as we don’t struggle for money and I am happy having a bit of spare time to sort kids school admin etc.

AIBU to think 64k for a household (of4) is plenty?

OP posts:
GRCP · 23/09/2025 18:19

We’d be broke on that but we have a big mortgage and live in London - so many variables it’s hard to say.

FriedFalafels · 23/09/2025 18:18

That’s a good salary for the South West. Before any hours increase, trial life at 37.5 hours for 6 months. Split the school pick ups equally, school holidays, life admin, booking wrap around care, booking holiday club, food shop, cooking, meal planning, cleaning, homework etc etc

Make yourself unavailable for that extra time and see how you both adjust to doing 50:50 at home. I say this as it’s what I’ve been through in the last 3 years (without trialling) and it nearly destroyed our relationship. We’re coming out the other side now, however I think my OH underestimated how much I did and what it meant for me to increase my hours. I still do the majority but wish I’d never gone over 30 hours. The balance just isn’t there even with flexible working

Didimum · 23/09/2025 18:13

Wildly depends on where you live and your outgoings. £64k a year wouldn’t even cover my basic bills.

Katemax82 · 23/09/2025 18:03

It wouldn't be enough for us (we private rent in the southeast)

Tiswa · 23/09/2025 18:00

Point out the implications of you losing that time on HIM.
the drop off and pick ups the admin you do the cleaning yiu get done and the expectations on him to pick some of this up and see what he says

LightAndDay · 23/09/2025 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

The reason why the numbers don't add up for you is because you are calculating £64k as their income before Tax. The OP has stated in her first paragraph the figures she has given are after tax.

FoxyRoxyGold · 23/09/2025 17:43

CissOff · 23/09/2025 15:06

It wouldn’t be enough for us and we live outside of London. We’d have no real money left over for a bit of cushion - e.g the clutch has just on DD’s car and she genuinely needs it for college and work. £750 needed overnight.

That’s what her ‘plenty of savings’ would be used for.

Fearfulsaints · 23/09/2025 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Add in child benefit for two children as under threshold?

Lavenderflower · 23/09/2025 17:38

I think you have a good balance here - I don't see how work extra hours would help unless you want to do more hours. Is offering to do more work around the home.

user2848502016 · 23/09/2025 17:31

More important things than money, if you’re happy as you are and are managing financially spend the time with your DC while they’re little

Nodecaffallowed · 23/09/2025 17:29

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

SummerFrog25 · 23/09/2025 17:29

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 17:05

Some valid points. I think the reasoning is, we always said once our youngest was at school I'd up my hours a bit. I'm going to show him this thread and gauge his reaction 😂

Just tell him that's fine but he'll have to do 50% of the school drop/ pick ups, house work, laundry, shopping, cooking, whatever else.

heybabeyourhairsalright · 23/09/2025 17:25

My question is why? Why does he want you to increase your hours if you’re doing ok and have savings?

ArtesianWater · 23/09/2025 17:23

FWIW OP I earn more than you and don't have anything like such a good work/life balance (hard to achieve in my industry). You sound to me like you have the ideal setup that so many people are striving for. Unless you DH has money concerns that he hasn't shared then I think you should talk to him about the bigger picture / money saved by you undertaking so much of the family admin and childcare.

Indicateyourintentions · 23/09/2025 17:23

Is he offering to up his contribution of domestic labour, life admin, AL days when the children are ill, drop offs and pick ups and after school clubs?
You can’t be expected to carry on doing all those things and up your hours.

verybighouseinthecountry · 23/09/2025 17:23

A good salary is always going up be subjective, but you've said you've got £2.5k a month left over, so for your particular family it's very good. I'd be exploring his reasons why he feels you need to work more, especially as you earn more than him. Is he resentful that you have more free time?

TheDenimPoet · 23/09/2025 17:21

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 23/09/2025 17:18

How long have the hours been split like that? I can imagine he’d find it unfair that if you went full time you’d be bringing in a lot more, but he has to work full time!

I'm willing to bet that she, like many other women, take on more of the household chores and mental load. So, in my opinion, the 8 hours a week difference in working hours probably make up for this. IMO it's the perfect solution!

TheDenimPoet · 23/09/2025 17:20

If you're not struggling, and you don't need to up your hours, why would you? Life's not just about work, work, work. You need to live, too!

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 23/09/2025 17:18

How long have the hours been split like that? I can imagine he’d find it unfair that if you went full time you’d be bringing in a lot more, but he has to work full time!

sammyspoon · 23/09/2025 17:16

Just a warning about when they start school… the admin can be a shock. Scheduling and logistics, dealing with school comms and paperwork, paying for lunches, trips, keeping track of events, clubs, scheduling play dates, keeping on top of reading, homework, bloody annoying craft ‘projects’. You’ll be wanting to share that between the 2 of you.

Middlechild3 · 23/09/2025 17:15

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 15:09

Ive checked the budget and after all the essential outgoings basically about £2500 a month is unaccounted for.

You have plenty for now, you an save, pay into pnsions and holiday on this.

Freshstartyear25 · 23/09/2025 17:07

Full time at my place of work is 35 hours so you work almost full time. That’s more than part time, you’ve found a perfect balance. You work a good amount and are around for your kids as needed too. He is being really unreasonable

Haveaproperty · 23/09/2025 17:06

A good salary is relative to your circumstances. Are you happy with it, can you feed, clothe and house your family and do the things you want to do?
In the context of the wider country and average salaries, no it's not a good salary. But in the context of your family it might be more than enough.

Original poster
jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 17:05

Some valid points. I think the reasoning is, we always said once our youngest was at school I'd up my hours a bit. I'm going to show him this thread and gauge his reaction 😂

OP posts: