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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to think this is a good salary?

191 replies

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 14:55

Just to settle an argument. My husband and I respectively take home 33k and 31k a year after tax.

I work 30 hours, he works 38. He wants me to up my hours but I don’t see why as we don’t struggle for money and I am happy having a bit of spare time to sort kids school admin etc.

AIBU to think 64k for a household (of4) is plenty?

OP posts:
Haggis0381 · 23/09/2025 21:00

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 14:55

Just to settle an argument. My husband and I respectively take home 33k and 31k a year after tax.

I work 30 hours, he works 38. He wants me to up my hours but I don’t see why as we don’t struggle for money and I am happy having a bit of spare time to sort kids school admin etc.

AIBU to think 64k for a household (of4) is plenty?

Why doesn't he up his hours, if you're the one doing all the school runs, etc? 38 hours isn't full time, surely he could do 40-45 hours for a bit of extra if he's the one who is so bothered by it?

Casperroonie · 23/09/2025 20:59

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 15:03

I think my quality of life would just be worse? as it stands I am doing all the school pick ups and drop offs and working more would mean less of those (roping in grandparents probably) weighing up the money I’d rather spend the time with the kids after school while they’re little?

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Tell him the cost of a childminder to do drop offs and picknuos, he'll soon change his mind.

The time you have with your children now is precious, it's important for them to have you around, why lessen your quality of life and theirs?

If DH is so bitter maybe he could go down hours but sounds like he's being really petty. Write a list of all the jobs he would be having to do as well to show equal share if he's so keen.

ElectoralControversy · 23/09/2025 20:55

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 19:08

oh dear. And poster is a commercial director.

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This is why all my emails to my boss have bullet points, and bold* for the really really* important bits

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/09/2025 20:54

Tamfs · 23/09/2025 14:56

Depends where you live?

This. In many places that wouldn’t cover the bare minimum.

JLou08 · 23/09/2025 20:51

It's around the same as my household income and we manage fine, have plenty going into savings and enjoy holidays and activities without any struggle. I do make saving elsewhere with things that aren't important to me. I buy cheap cars upfront rather than buying new cars on lease or finance, buy a cheap phone and have a £6 a month rolling plan rather than contracted Iphone, eat shops own brand food, no designer clothes.
I don't think asking MN is much use though, you will have a mix of high earners with high end tastes and low earners who have learnt to enjoy life on a small budget. Only you and your DH will really know how much you need.

Doone22 · 23/09/2025 20:49

Totally reasonable to ensure you are both working same hours. Can he not cut his to match yours?

Jc2001 · 23/09/2025 20:46

Minnie798 · 23/09/2025 15:03

Is 64k combined income over 5k a month? I thought it was less than that, especially factoring in pensions.
I think it is fine, depending on the area you live.
Some posters will say not because they live in expensive areas, where salaries are higher and paying for private school is normal.

Well it's £64 / 12, so yes it's over £5k a month.

Nodecaffallowed · 23/09/2025 20:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

TheGoodEnoughWife · 23/09/2025 20:29

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Yes I do. However rushing to suggest that the OP figures are wrong was mean of you. Considering especially that were, in fact, not wrong.

pinkyredrose · 23/09/2025 20:24

jamsandwich5 · 23/09/2025 15:09

Ive checked the budget and after all the essential outgoings basically about £2500 a month is unaccounted for.

Omg that's a dream amount of spare money! Is your husband sore that he works longer hours than you? Tell him to drop a day, you'll still have plenty of money.

Nodecaffallowed · 23/09/2025 20:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Nodecaffallowed · 23/09/2025 20:17

This reply has been withdrawn

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TheGoodEnoughWife · 23/09/2025 20:16

You told her her figures didn’t add up. Was that any practical help? And I have already advised at the beginning of the thread.

Nodecaffallowed · 23/09/2025 20:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

TheGoodEnoughWife · 23/09/2025 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Oh dear, you have done a lot of calculations however you have failed to comprehend that these figures are already after tax earnings. Maybe before you go wild pointing out it doesn’t add up you should double check your workings!

Agapornis · 23/09/2025 19:42

Please remind him that you are working - you're just not being paid for it. Of course, you'd be happy for him to pay you at childminder's rates.

Cantseetreesforthewood · 23/09/2025 19:40

So, you both earn over 40k?
With, as most people calculate it, a household income in the region of 85k?
It's not mega bucks, but I'm not surprised you find it reasonably comfortable.

Didimum · 23/09/2025 19:27

Unacceptableinthe80s · 23/09/2025 19:23

Well her partner earns less so maybe he could upskill and get a better paid job . He's the one who thinks they need more money. She already brings in more than him. Maybe a second job in a pub or something if he's so worried about only having 2k a month spare.

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OK. I didn’t say he shouldn’t do these things. I’m simply saying a good salary is subjective. You seem to be taking how you feel about her partner out on me and that’s not necessary or relevant.

Unacceptableinthe80s · 23/09/2025 19:23

Didimum · 23/09/2025 19:16

I know I read them. Calling something a ‘good salary’ is still very subjective though, and just because it covers what OP wants it to cover doesn’t mean her partner has to think it’s a ‘good salary’.

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Well her partner earns less so maybe he could upskill and get a better paid job . He's the one who thinks they need more money. She already brings in more than him. Maybe a second job in a pub or something if he's so worried about only having 2k a month spare.

Louoby · 23/09/2025 19:17

We earn nearly £100k combined and we don’t live the high life, can’t afford abroad holidays. 2 adult and 3 kids.

Didimum · 23/09/2025 19:16

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 19:06

Read ALL by the OP

OP has answered that.

Edited
Show quote history

I know I read them. Calling something a ‘good salary’ is still very subjective though, and just because it covers what OP wants it to cover doesn’t mean her partner has to think it’s a ‘good salary’.

LindorDoubleChoc · 23/09/2025 19:13

Shock at anyone not even taking in what is written in the first paragraph of the OP.

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 19:08

LightAndDay · 23/09/2025 17:48

The reason why the numbers don't add up for you is because you are calculating £64k as their income before Tax. The OP has stated in her first paragraph the figures she has given are after tax.

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oh dear. And poster is a commercial director.

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 19:06

Didimum · 23/09/2025 18:13

Wildly depends on where you live and your outgoings. £64k a year wouldn’t even cover my basic bills.

Read ALL by the OP

OP has answered that.

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 19:06

You're both on around £40-42K pa

That's pretty good for rural SW.

Your mortgage is cheap too.

If you can live comfortably then why increase your hours?

I think this is a question for you and him, not strangers. Not good to argue over money in a marriage.