Aibu to think this is a good salary?

Unchanged is a typo, should read not that much less in total.

If he wants more money, he can earn it himself. You’re already bringing in more than him per hour and it’s not really that unchanged less in total, plus you're doing more unpaid work in the house. If you’re not actually struggling for money then the extra bit of time to get things done and ensure you are not run ragged is worth more than the extra money.

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Why does he want you to increase your hours when you're doing all the school runs?

This is quite selfish of him. You'll just end up more run ragged.

Who supports the kids with homework? Gets their uniforms ready? Etc

The extra money is not worth the extra day at work. It’s a good wage. After your mortgage it’s still a good wage. As I’ve got older my priorities have definitely changed, what is the point in working if you can’t enjoy your life!

A two income household will always be better off than a single income householder earning the same amount. Because they get two tax free allowances, two chunks of income attracting only basic rate etc

If you can afford what you need and a bit of what you want, then it's enough. Not for me to judge anyone, but I would find it much easier to have a bit of time when the kids are still kids-you won't get this time back, so why not enjoy it if you can? If one partner can work a bit less than the other, and be available for kids/family emergencies/just to get more stuff done, it makes life much easier and nicer for everyone. Lots of arguments are caused be cause life is just so busy, and we're rushing around. If you work a bit less, but can get things done so everyone relaxes more, why not? I'd rather have that than a fancy car/extra holiday/bigger pension that I'm too stressed and ill to ever get to.
I wish I could work less and improve my family's balance (unfortunately due to personal circs this isn't an option for us, but in your situation, I'd make the most of it).

Off over £5k a month after tax?! Where do you live?

If you spend your free time doing house things and school admin, does he suggest he will pick up this slack if you work extra hours?

I do 3 days 22.5 hours. WFH 1 or 2 days per week. This means I can do school run 3 or 4 times per week and pick ups twice. We have help from family for the other days (he does none). It also means school holidays are easier as we are not looking for cover for full weeks. On my "days off" I will do shopping, laundry, cleaning, meal planning etc, household admin. All things he then doesn't have to worry about.
We do not have loads of money but we have moved house this year and had a foreign holiday so not doing too badly! The time is def worth more to me than the money.

If you work 31k for 30 hours, and he earns 33k for 38 hours then you earn more per hour then he does. He should aim to earn more too!

The thing is what would he do in those hours, would they be fruitful spent at home? Somehow I doubt it.

I don’t know how old your kids are?

If younger I’d be inclined to wait a bit and enjoy the time with them as you are still working and having a career aswell anyway. It’s nice to pick up and take to school.

We did both of us full time plus and it’s not been easy- I’ve felt overwhelmed and resentful as times has gone on. And utterly exhausted. There is a lot to be said for a calm house and children will Thankyou for it plus you are around to supervise homework and routine when it comes.

That said I’ve built a significant pension pot and investments which should the worst happen I could survive on my own independently both if divorced or retired. But maybe working flat out makes a divorce more likely!!

Im honestly shocked how much of a pension pot you need for a comfortable retirement- it’s over a million. Very difficult to achieve that on your incomes unless you invest heavily now. So if you do have spare cash put it in a stocks and shares ISA and also as much as you can afford into pension. You will get the advantage of compound dividends

So you will end up paying a lot more down the line to top up pension.

The other thing to consider is career progression and how easy it might be to increase your salary down the line as it gets more difficult as you get older. Plus after 50 you get a lot more tired and May then want to cut back to part time just for your own time.

Personally I can’t comment on living on 64 k for a family of 4. We earn jointly a lot higher so I think you end up relying on that standard of living.So not really comparable.

It baffles me how much money people need. I bring home 38k after tax etc and my DH brings home around 30k and we have plenty of money.

People sneering saying oh that’s barely enough to scrape by have shocked me.

@jamsandwich5 I think a lot of people missed the "after tax" bit. Over £5k a month in the bank account against a mortgage of only £900 is massive.

As always, the thread is full of jokers who claim that this household income is somehow poverty.

Without understanding why Your husband feels this way (and what he’s willing to sacrifice to make it work) it’s impossible to say whether he’s being unreasonable or not.
There are a lot of comments on here about time with your family being more important than money, but equally I also see a lot of comments on pension/retirement threads lamenting the fact that careers and pensions had been sacrificed to work part time for the kids.
If you worked more hours and saved £500 a month for your kids in 18 years that could be worth 170k+… does your DH think a big deposit for your kids to buy a house is worth the sacrifice now?
im not saying that should be your priority but without understanding why he thinks you should work more hours it’s impossible to say if it’s a fair ask or not.
whatever you choose should be what is best for your family, but ‘best’ is subjective.

YANBU
Considering there is only 2k difference in salary and you work 8 hours less than him a week - maybe he should be the one looking to up his salary if he feels he needs more money

DD should be paying that.

I think it sounds fine. I think those who live within their means are much happier than those always chasing more. I could go full time and add about 10k to our joint income but the impact it would have on us all is just not worth it.

Ps. I also live in south West so a joint salary here of £60k is ok. Not rich but ok!

Myself and my husband earn very similarly to you both and I also work 30hrs. Working 30hrs means I have 1 non working day a week and that day I do food shopping, laundry and cleaning, admin, gift and Christmas shopping, dentist appointments, take stuff to charity shops, batch cooking, decorating, DIY, garden work etc. plan holiday, clothes/uniform shopping etc etc.
I have considered upping my hours too but the extra money would mean a real struggle with life balance and would need to pay for extra day of wraparound care for kids and it wouldn't be worth it. I'd have to spend every weekend doing the stuff I do on my non working day and so less time to spend with the kids etc. I don't want that. The weekend is precious as the kids are already in wrap around care a lot during the week after school.

If you’re not struggling for money and not particularly bothered about savings then yes, I’d keep my hours as is.

I’d have mixed feelings about DH wanting me to up my hours when the salary difference between us is so little, though. I’d be questioning where is that coming from.

Wouldn’t touch the sides here. When I was a single parent the least I could live off was £45k.

if it work for you, where you are then that awesome OP. But my reality is our life now costs £160k ( 6 people)

You earn roughly the same at the moment. If your husband wants more money, what’s stopping him trying to advance at work?

If you live ok and love it simply, and are not bothered by people's opinions who see pride in money and possessions, then perhaps you can tell your husband this

on another thread someone said their friend has massive house, all shiny and sleep and characterless and not a single belonging to show some love to her own life, no art, no cushions, no throws, no books. I am living on a what is considered low income but lack absolutely nothing , so far holidays, repairs, savings, heating, nothing has been a problem of much hard budgeting - life is for living and that does not always equals buying expensive..