DH away for 3 nights and didn’t call

Given that this thread is from 2025, it's defo a non issue...

What ofc this is a non-issue?! you told him to go and chill out, then you complain he didnt FT because if it was you, you would? He is not you.

I really think this is a non issue. I adored my babies and I think if I had been given a chance to go off it wouldn't have occurred to me to want to open up that yearning by facetiming them. In fact my dh snd I left my dd for a weekend when she was two, and it was so hard that I didn’t call to check on her and just trusted my SIL to handle it.

I go away all the time and have done for years. I only ever call if there is an emergency. The kids would have found calls more unsettling than me not being there. Always send photos and messages at least once a day so they know I am thinking of them but that's it.

Depending on the child she may have found it more upsetting to see her dad on FaceTime. Really little ones don’t understand and it might make her miss him more. I don’t think it’s a big deal OP.

With the disclaimer that I breast fed my son til nearly he was nearly 3 (mostly because I couldn't convince him otherwise) why on earth does she need to be glued to you at 19 months due to breastfeeding? She can survive quite happily without, it's just comfort at that age. The contact depends on your usual style but this would not be an issue for me at all. If I was away I might call just to see their faces but if I knew everything was fine I wouldn't feel the need to.

God I'd find the whole dynamic suffocating and a bit cloying, it's a couple of days! Which you could also take OP, a 19 month old does not need to be so glued to you. We are people, not just parents. Your husband sounds great, give the poor guy a break - especially seeing as you pretty much urged him to do the thing you are now complaining about.

Yabu for dressing this up as he doesn’t nothing wrong, I had no expectations, blah blah, no contact with a 19 month old… to say what ?
the truth is more like that you did expect him to miss and pine for you. He didn’t and you’re not impressed. Three days away doesn’t need an agenda for contact, it should naturally

Im a texter, not a phone call or face time kind of person.
Doesn't mean I don't miss my family while away. I can check on them via what's app, which is my preferred method of communication. Perhaps your dh is the same.

does he normally FaceTime you? My DH wouldn’t even think to FaceTime, he just doesn’t do it. I think a few messages is all I’d expect, but maybe communicate with him that you expected more and see if he makes more of an effort next time

Not the point of the post but your youngest is a toddler now. You should absolutely be able to leave her if she's 19 months as her main source of nutrition is in the meals she has. And she can drink milk from a cup whether it be breast milk or cows etc.

This will depend on the couple. My DH regularly goes without calling and depending on how needy I’m feeling depends if I notice. I never go anywhere but if I did I’m not sure I’d call, probably just message

Everyone’s different but we are very much call if there’s a problem
so nether of us would expect any great contact

Left my 2 year old for a week and I only face timed once and it was a disaster made her more upset and asking for me - I didn’t do it again and she never mentioned me once and had a great week! So I wouldn’t call again if I was in same situation with my second child

DH and I find that it is typically the one at home that notices the quantity and quality of contact. The one who is away is usually too busy (not always having fun!) and also just exhausted - we don't sleep as well when not at home, the travel is tiring and so any downtime often leads to a bit of a collapse and unwind doing anything to just relax and gear up for whatever the next call on our energy and attention is going to be without easily finding time to call home.

Hmm I don’t know. I mean you didn’t even know what you wanted / expected of him before he went, so I’m not sure what you thought he should / would do!

But I do think 3 days is quite a long time without a call.

Just talk about it next time.

I don't see anywhere that you called him either though? If a call was so important, why didn't you pick up the phone? I don't think it's fair to judge him for identical behaviour to yours.

I've just been away for three days and not called - although my kids are tweens so older. I did send a lot of messages though and some pics - not always time with all the activities going on to call or FaceTime.

You feel as you feel OP. It's not for others to tell you whether to be upset about this or not be upset.
I would have felt the same as you but generally the MN view seems to be if someone goes away for a holiday with friends , or a wedding trip, or whatever then they are going for a good time and that involves virtually forgetting they have a family at home.
I couldn't do it and my H couldn't have done it when he was alive.

I think calls with young children are always either difficult or disappointing. They don't care or get upset. I think texts are better in this circumstance.

Agreed. I've been with my DH for 30 years, married for 27. He's a hardworking husband and doting father to our three DC. He's been away for work for a week at time before now. We've never done Facetime or other video messaging, I just can't be doing with that. We know what we look like. A brief phone call in the evening, after the DC were put to bed, to check all's well either end, was all that was needed. In the case of the OP, it's only three nights. A few messages would be fine imo. I wouldn't say it bore any reflection on the relationship either with the OP or their children.

Messages are fine. It's 3 days. You can survive without hearing his voice for 3 days! Let him enjoy himself. It's your choice that you don't want the same free time away - he would probably give it to and hold the fort if you wanted it.

It’s thrown up these emotions in you because his gone from the doting dad missing her constantly and if you take her away missing her to he went away and basically acted as if you didn’t exist.

Its changed your view of him as a father. You expected based on his norm to want a video chat even for 2 minutes to see this baby he proclaims to miss but when it came to it he couldn’t be bothered.

Not saying it’s right or wrong of you just it’s thrown you a curve because he didn’t behave how you expected based on his normal
actions.

Three days away doesn't warrant a facetime call.
Did you try to ft him?

He presumably has photos and videos to look at, and honestly you keep saying you wanted him to relax and have a break so that's what he did!

I don't understand how it made you feel uncomfortable, unless it's not really about him not face timing your toddler?
Do you feel neglected yourself?

He texted, he obviously trusts you to look after the DC, if there had been the need for a call I'm sure he would have.

He has been apart from her for weekends before but not with him being the one being away.

You said he hasn’t stayed away from her and wouldn’t want to because he’d miss her to much but he has stayed away from her. Who goes is irrelevant, he’s still spent weekends without her. Going by that information I’d say he’s comfortable enough leaving her without FaceTime or a call. He did contact so I don’t think he’s unreasonable