My teenage daughter hates her ethnicity

Why did you uproot her aged 13 but leave dad behind? Do you think she’d be happier back in HK?

If she's 17 she's old enough to decide for herself. Don't force her to go.

These so called ‘friends’ are not friends in any sense at all. Their unkindness, their critical comments exhibit a very nasty side to their natures. They are influencing your daughter in a very negative way.

There are cultural differences, Hong Kong kong can be unpleasant for some people (think specifically if you are not white or chinese, I know cantonese speaking people from those cohorts and their experience is different from white peoples).

Asian people generally are a lot more blunt than British people, thats true. However her friends are just awful people, it’s simple as that. She doesn’t have to see them and she’s more likely to enjoy her time out there if she doesn’t hang out with them. She’s got other friends to hang out with. It’s ok to ditch toxic people.

The “friends” sound like nasty, ignorant bullies. I’d suggest you speak with her class teachers and tell them what’s happening, and look at moving DD’s school if needs be. What a toxic group of girls they sound.

Tbh I cannot speak for Cantonese but mainland Chinese are very direct and they’ll just casually call you fat or ugly and it’s not
meant to hurt you but is merely a statement of fact.

You must have told already her this, so she should widen her circle of friends if she finds it hurtful (which it is if you take it seriously). Maybe they don’t want to conform to British cultural norms but your daughter doesn’t have to accept this treatment from them.

(Though I find British male culture of continually slagging each other off as a show of affection very strange as well)

Sounds like these two friends might just be going through a phase of being horrid teenage girls and are trying to get away with it on the basis of "ethnicity". "I'm not rude and mean, it's my culture!" "You can't be angry with me for saying that, it's my culture!"

Not as ‘awkward’ as dealing with a kid who’s had all her confidence destroyed. Your child is being bullied, the long term consequences could be catastrophic. You need to deal with it now.

@ByCoralZebra I can’t believe this wasn’t your first reaction. They are using being cantonese to bully your daughter. Being Wasian is seen as preferential in East Asian cultures and UK culture in your kids generation, the fact that those two seem to pick and bully your daughter is a series safeguarding issue. I would be speaking to the school and letting them know about the evil atitutude of the other two girls. You also need to separate your daughter from then Asap! Get her into a few hobbies where she can make some normal friends. And shut thia abusive shit down!

How could you be surprised, you were aware these girls were nasty pieces of work

I know HK itself isn’t the problem but maybe she needs more experience to realise that. Can you get China visas this summer (if you need them) and spend a good bit of time exploring more of China beyond Hong Kong SAR to give her a more balanced perspective and more experience of China so she feels more comfortable in her own skin away from her impression of these girls? I live not too far from HK on the mainland and it’s such a friendly place here! People can be blunt but in a kind/funny way. Shenzhen is just lovely and Guangzhou has a lot to recommend it, without going too far and still being in Canton region for language. More experience with China might help her find her place with that side of her ethnicity without it being all about HK, and identify with something bigger than the version these nasty girls are peddling.

The girls are clearly jealous of her, trying their best to make her feel unhappy with herself and insecure. Your DD needs to stop being their friend and
stop giving them her time and attention. Time to grow some boundaries

Her friends are utter bitches-this is not confined to any ethnicity.

These girls are not her friends. Friends don’t treat each other like that. It also looks like the apple hasn’t fallen too far from the tree, with her school friend behaving much like her awfully unprofessional and unkind GP dad.

Are there any alternative nice girls on the outside of groups, your dd needs to build new friendships with small steps.

Hi why do bully's have so much pull. I remember some from my school days, I always wanted to be accepted into their gang, yet they picked on me daily. This was way before the Internet etc. You daughter needs other distractions, keep busy, and get her to realise she just doesn't need them.

her friends sound horrible-i just call it being a bitch whereever youre from

Your daughter is being bullied, that’s the issue here.

But IIRC she is at school in the UK, so surely UK cultural norms should be encouraged?

Not that I’ve ever known anyone from HK who would be as blatantly rude as these teenagers seem to be!

Your poor daughter. These "friends" sound absolutely awful! And by the sounds of it at least one has quite a nasty dad, and is probably pretty miserable herself.

Does she feel she has to stick with these girls? Are there any other girls in her class that she likes who she could gradually start spending more time with?

I think that the trip will probably be positive. First it will be a good reminder that most Cantonese people are not like these girls. And second, a bit of space away from them and some time to reflect on what a nice and caring friendship looks like.

It sounds like they are really getting to her and if I were you I would try and support her to develop friendships with some nicer, more sensitive girls.