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Original poster

Finances when moving in together

228 replies

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

OP posts:
MathsMum3 · 23/09/2025 10:48

Doesn't sound enough to me. Basically, you're not gaining anything financially with him there, and maybe you're worse off. But he's massively better off than if he was renting somewhere. How is that a partnership?

Second, you've made compromises in your home by accommodating his children at weekends. What compromises has he made my moving in with you?

Third, what's he like around the home? Does he do DIY and help with housework etc? Maybe if he's contributing in that way, it's not so bad, but otherwise it sounds like he's taking the piss.

Inthemane · 23/09/2025 10:48

Unwilling to contribute to the mortgage? Is he having a laugh? And you host his kids every weekend?
Where did you find this prince?

He can pay you rent, like he would elsewhere if he wasn’t living for free in your house.

To protect yourself and your DD going forward, never assume people have the same morals and values that you do. He saw you coming.

He needs to contribute to the bills, food shopping and pay you rent. Why should you have to pay for him to live in your house?

Lollytea655 · 23/09/2025 10:45

I wouldn’t pay towards the mortgage, and I wouldn’t want my partner to pay towards my mortgage to ensure that my house is exactly that- mine, and he has no claim to it. Yes he’d be paying someone else’s mortgage if he was renting but he would also have rights over that property, you could kick him out tomorrow if you wanted to and there’s nothing he could do.

I’d be sitting down together & looking at how much the bills are, excluding mortgage, and figure it out from there. Either 50/50 on bills as there are two paying adults in the house, or if we look at people in the house he could argue you pay 66% (you & dd) and he pays 33% for “his share” with then an adjustment for his children.

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