To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

People have this idea that everyone's 20s should look like their 20s, or like the 20s they wish they had.

I had DD at 19 and all anyone could say was "your 20s are supposed to be for clubbing!", "your 20s are supposed to be this, that or the other". My 20s were the perfect mix of parties and uni career development with raising a family and having adventures together. If I'd waited until 30, I wouldn't have been able to conceive and would already have been diagnosed with a brain tumour by that point so wouldn't have had kids anyway.

It may not be the life others choose, but it's the one I chose and I've loved it. I don't go around telling people "you shouldn't be clubbing! You should be having babies!". It's no different.

Sounds like the 'soft life' trend

It's partly a move away from hustle/grind culture which people became disillusioned with when they felt burnt-out and used by corporations/employers who wanted maximum time and effort without any return. People feel less like excelling and giving 110% when it feels like you don't see any reward for it.

There is no “should “, imo.

Everyone is different. I have a party animal dc and one that isn’t, and one that is only sometimes.

Obviously if you are happy that's all there is to it. Are you posting because you are not sure you are happy?

You sound self reliant and self assured and in these days of so many young people facing serious mental health challenges and insecurity, you’re pretty balanced and content .
Now that is winning in life .
Finding pleasure in simple things ❤️
There’s no rush for young people these days to cram everything in before relationships/ marriage etc - this is a generation who are choosing what’s best for themselves and not influenced by society pressures xxx

This is a great thread OP. My eldest DD is 24 and she has a similar outlook to you - she's just off for a weekend break to the Cotswolds! She would like a better job as she's struggling with her rent but she has a career path (specialist career in art) so that's on the cards. When I was her age I was permanently off my face, still on husband no. 1 (who was also off his face with me hence it had to stop). I had no idea where I was going in life but I assumed it was somewhere and it ended up I wasn't going very far at all, so my party lifestyle brought nothing to my party so as to speak.

I read something about not encouraging your children to think they have to be ambitious they have to achieve XYZ as soon as possible, as that leads to unhappiness. But then I also read that you should take your 20s seriously as they ARE an important foundation. So in our own different ways, did I, and does DD24, not understand that and so didnt/wont make the most of opportunities?

As I say, interesting thread.

(Edited to say that as well as partying, I was working 2 jobs, studying and at aerobics 3 times a week, no internet and no car so I was out dashing around and seeing people IRL - very different to what is normal today)

I didn't 'get out there' living my 'best' life in my 20s unless people are suggesting clubbing, parties, sex, drugs etc and being generally risky (what i did) are what makes your 20s so great!

I was full of anxiety, crippling self confidence and this stopped me from travelling or going to Uni

Now the end of my 40s my life is great as I went to Uni at 30, I've travelled quite a lot and have a great partner and dog.

However.. what's the saying 'comparison is the thief of joy'...
I see others my age in clubs, doing activities with others and all these fulfilling hobbies and I don't do a single thing like that! Thank god as after a day at work I'm done with people!!

So we can all compare at different life stages. I wonder if the 'get out there' brigade are also making an assumption you'll have children one day so you need to do it before then. I've got no children so simply don't have this pressure and have been able to take time off to pursue other dreams as I've felt like it.

You seem to have found what many people spend a lifetime chasing OP.

So many people seem to be chasing experiences, running after milestones and ticking off bucket lists whilst missing the day to day things in the processes.

There's an old quote that sums it up "We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today".

I think this age is a really strange time to be honest in that there isn’t really a “right” way to be living, but if you compare with others you can end up feeling you’ve got it wrong!

We’re also in our late 20’s & happily married, home owners, both have good stable jobs & a beautiful daughter. We planned our lives this way and are totally happy with that but even just among out closest friends if I think of our “group” lots of us have wildly different lives!

I have friends in the same position as my husband & I, I have two friends who decided earlier this year to move to Australia and haven’t come back yet with no plans to, I have another friend who went travelling last year and totally fell in love with it & came back to work and build up money to go back so he’s leaving again in November to travel as much of South America as he can manage before he runs out of money, I have a friend who is going into her second year of uni now studying for her dream job- she didn’t know what she wanted to do before but is super excited to have found it and be working towards it, I have a friend who’s working for a parent and loving the role and the comfort of being at home with her family, I also have a friend who is about to relocate to London for a really exciting job opportunity.

The point is we’re all the same age but most of us are doing very different things, we’re all happy and none of us are wrong- just different. As long as YOU are happy with your life that really is all that matters.

It was a season of life - and I'm both glad I had it, and glad that I no longer do. I now live a very different, much more 'content', settled life which is 100% the life I want now. But I would be a different person if I hadn't had the experiences prior to that, and I think I would have learned so much less about myself.

It's like: I am very glad that I married DH and not any of my previous boyfriends. But I'm glad I had the previous ones, including the unsuitable ones - and I'm glad I wasn't his first love, either. There would have been much less heartbreak if I'd just met and started going with DH at 16 instead, but I think I'd be the lesser for it and actually would lack some of the experience and tools that make my relationship so happy now.

You don't need to live your life according to what anyone else thinks you 'should' be doing.

Knowing what you want rather than what you’re being told you want is always a good first step. Stick to your guns.

But it can’t have been that good lifestyle if you no longer live it? And there are other years to live - fun and good life being over at 30 seems quite negative

I think it sounds confined, and like someone living well within their very small comfort zone, but you do you. I prefer stretching myself, and certainly that period in my life involved living in several different countries, learning new languages, new cultures, new relationships, studying, putting myself in different contexts, figuring out where I wanted to be. It means that by the time you want to settle in a job/in a relationship/in a place, you've experienced a lot of different ones so you can make an informed choice, rather than just be stuck in the country you happened to be born in.

But that's not for everyone.

That thread sparked a conversation at my work the other day: it's funny, because I know loads of 20-somethings like you and objectively you're probably taking better care of yourselves than everyone my age (mid 30s) and older did. So in theory it's 'better'. But we all came to the conclusion we felt a bit sad that so many younger people are so .....sensible? I have friends whose kids or much younger siblings are at uni now and they've got such clean, rigid routines of working out and meal prepping and bed at 11pm latest and it's all 100% better for the body than what we were doing but I wonder if they'll look back when they're older and feel like they missed out??

Maybe not though - there were plenty of downsides to my late teens/20s being a time of chaos and silliness! But I look back on it so fondly now I'm a bit older and more settled and living the same kind of lifestyle you are.

BUT. Who cares what I or any other older person thinks - you're right, if you're happy then that's what's important!

If you go back to the 60s when I was a child hardly anyone had cars, or phones (in their houses), people biked to school and work. And apart from the monthly whist drive and WRI my DM stayed in. Or sometimes someone came round to play cards on the Sat night. But this was in the country with no nearby pub.

I think if you are having what feels like adventures then, as you say, it doesn't matter what they look like. I wasn't necessarily meaning travelling by that - but taking risks, experiencing new things, testing and challenging yourself a bit. For me (and again - that doesn't make it right for everyone) my 20s was my only decade, and likely to be the only one I get, where I had minimal responsibilities and could have myself as my own focus. It's a privilege to get that all - not everyone does - but for me it was a very precious period where I grew a lot (and I do think you have to risk a bit, and fail a bit, to grow). I think there's a million different ways to do that, but that there is a downside to never doing it.

Being contented and happy in your life, whatever it looks like, is an absolute gift. I’m so glad you have that, OP

Contentment is a great thing - and if you have good friends and links in your community - that's great.

I'd think about how you can meet new people though - your 20s is a great time to meet new people and form relationships - and who knows who they might know to help with the dating. And meeting in real life not all online...