To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

I’m not the one being oversensitive sweetie. Your replies are way over the top.

You asked a question. And we answered. I’m done with this.

Wow. I don’t think I deserved that - saying you’d ‘kill yourself’ if you had to have a normal 1980’s style social life is ridiculous.

And I didn’t have a corporate career. A high pressure job of any kind was never on the cards for me and it was a beautiful northern town, not London. I didn’t like clubbing either.

I did an art degree and the jobs I had were in bookshops and museums, convents and gardens - between jobs I volunteered and compared to OLD going out with friends and meeting boys was fun and easy.

I think its sad that young people are not experiencing the world that we older ones did because ‘the world’ as we knew it has disappeared but there’s nothing we can do about that.

I’m glad if you are truly happy but you’re not are you? You keep saying you’re happy except for not having a boyfriend. You say you don’t want to ‘kiss frogs’ but the world of online dating is not exactly pleasant either is it?

This

I was young in the 60's and 70's and I don't agree with you.

That’s what I did in my early twenties (thirty years ago).

It was amazing. My chosen career didn’t work out but I tried many things. - went to university, worked in loads of places, lived in loads of places, did hobbies.

Socialised, shopped and went out at night. I made and lost friends and dated. I kissed a lot of frogs but at 30 met my husband in the large HMO we both had rooms in. We went across the road to the pub and we’re still happily together 25 years on.

It wasn’t ‘comfortable’ - but it was fun, hard work and interesting. It wasn’t all about drinking and I never touched drugs.

I’m 55 now and live in the country. I have the same comfortable, homey life that you describe but I feel a bit stifled by it. I’m saddened that my previously vibrant local town closing down almost completely and having no reason to ever leave my home - I’m so fed up of going for walks!

Covid ended a lot of things I enjoyed and for me working at home, online clubs, shopping etc are nothing compared to the ‘real’ outside world experiences of those things.

Like the PP you were replying to my own mental health has been affected negatively by the changes brought about by the digital world and I think for young people and the larger society it could be disastrous. I sometimes look around me and think it already is.

This might come across as overly dramatic to some people but having been young in the 1980’s and 1990’s I look back, and at society now and I really don’t think it is.

my whole (longish) life I have NEVER had any long term plans or objectives. I don't think I have ever done anything that has taken me outside my comfort zone but maybe my comfort zone is HUGE!

this precisely. I am in my 70's. I lived close to the King's Road in my teen years and used to go to the pubs and restaurants, never clubbed, never wanted to, never backpacked, never wanted to. I have travelled but because of my husband's jobs, we weren't wealthy but travelled in great comfort. I don't see why anyone should do what someone else thinks they should do because it was what they did when they were young.

I don't think anyone needs to go clubbing/travelling etc, but I do think there is a risk that you could pass each day contentedly doing very little and then realise that life has passed you by. It is worth taking the time to consider whether you have long term life goals be it marriage/children/owning a house/what you want out of a career, and whether to get those things you may have to move out of your comfort zone.

You should only live your life the way you want to, there is absolutely no point in doing something just because you think it’s what you should do or because everyone else is doing it. That said, I look back on my twenties and can’t believe I was so lucky to have that be such a fantastic decade in my life. I was with my partner, but I was out clubbing and getting drunk with my mates too, at concerts with my best friends, going on hen dos and meeting new people, sitting in the pub garden in the summer with friends and not knowing where the afternoon/evening would take us… Now I’m approaching 40, married and a mum, my life is very very different now and I think back on those days so fondly. I don’t want to go back to it, but now my life is more calm and quiet it’s nice to look back on and be glad I had those experiences. Whatever you like to do, I hope you can look back at this current period of your life one day and have it make you smile. That doesn’t have to involve clubbing or backpacking around Asia on a shoestring budget though - you do you.

Me too! I am a little older, but I enjoy going to the gym, singing in my choir, having coffee, my church, cooking meals, playing board games, going for days out, paddle boarding, swimming. I hate night clubs, don't really drink much alcohol and am not a party girl (never have been).
Oh and I like cross stitch so I must be a real loser ehh?

Totally up to you what you enjoy!

At 26 I was single after a LDR broke down, had just bought my own flat in London, working hard as a lawyer earning 6 figures, spending loads of time with friends. Never spent that much money or travelled loads. Recently back from living in New York for work. Met DP at 27 through mutual friends and nights out / hanging out at the pub.

Unsolicited advice: I’d make sure you’re putting what you can into a pension and S&S ISA 😂 Hope all goes well.

I'm 58, I don't care how anyone else spends their time. If what you do keeps you happy and content that's living.
The whole "oh I spent my 20s off my face, backpacking, shagging around" brigade probably need to get back to living their own lives instead of judging others. Life doesn't stop at 30.

My clubbing days were when I was 17-20, but after that, by third year of uni, we’d all hang out in each other’s houses. I imagine the number of people in the 2000s who met their life partner while drunk and out clubbing is probably pretty low!

I would rather stab myself in the eye and stay single forever than try this 🤣

Unless you actually want to remain single, you may need to get involved in few more social things but otherwise it sounds fine if that is what you enjoy.

But it doesn't have to be in your 20s to have adventures. I Didn't as had 2 small kids. Now in my 50s I've backpackers round and awful lot of the world. Prob appreciate it more thati would've done in my 20s

If you are happy and content it doesn’t matter what other people think.

I don’t think you have to be desperate or tie your self worth to a relationship or anything like that. But you’ve said it’s something you would like. So I’m just saying don’t put it off and assume it’s going to happen somehow when you are never physically in a location where it is possible for you meet any new men. It’s only going to get more difficult the longer you put it off and the older you get and the more settled you are in your safe single life.

At least give yourself a chance. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being a bit more deliberate about attending social events where new men are present. Its a lot more fun than speed dating or OLD I would imagine! And you can still do all the other lovely things you like to do the rest of the time.

Sounds lovely. I don't understand the obsession with travel being such a special thing, perhaps it's because I've lived in a few big tourist locations . The tourists/travellers I see don't appear to be these cultured open minded adventurers who have found life's true meaning to me, as opposed to us yokels who prefer coastal walks in our home region. My DM uprooted her life to live on the other side of the world later in life, so you can always do it later on. I can't say she's become an enlightened individual through her adventure though, she's now much more conservative, has the same daily irritations in a hotter location and complains her Grandkids she's never met in person won't video call her. Wherever you go, there you are is the message these days isn't it?

I think the activities you describe - reading a book, a bath etc - all sound nice and no age limits on them… but they’re not hobbies or activities per se. They’re just stuff you do (usually around other stuff.)
Socialising, family, hobbies, culture, fitness, work, religion, volunteering are usually there to give life wider purpose and fun.

You sound like you have a lovely life. You have a job and home that bring contentment, friends to meet, exercise, and a hobby to keep you entertained (reading).

Some people are weirdly superior about travelling or partying in their twenties. Slumming it in hostels, taking class A drugs, or jumping out of planes in your youth doesn't make you better than anyone else (I did a couple of these things and I promise it's not the most interesting thing about me now I'm in my 30's). Baking, nature walks, and nice holidays are just as valid as being 'adventurous'.

You have plenty of time to find a partner if that's what you want. Don't worry about what other people think.

If you are happy then do what together like!