To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

I have 3 friends who were living with their parents in their late 20s. They all got married early-mid 30s and 2 have children. 2 of them met their husbands online. I don't know what the older generations problem is with young people choosing to live their lives in a different way than they did.

Happiness looks different to different people. All that matters is you being happy. I did lots of partying when I was younger, Ibiza, festivals, superclubs. It was fun but my happiest memories are the little things like watching a sunset, autumn walks, decorating the Christmas tree, family meals. Keep doing what makes you happy.

You sound quite scared of the big wide world

If you are happy , that’s great. You have the rest of your life to be content, though?
I’m 40 now and approaching middle age and I’d say I am content too, but when I was in my 20s I got up to some wild stuff that’s fun to look back on when the daily grind gets to me. I can’t do it now because I’ve got a child, partner, mortgage.
Just a thought.

My 20s were socialising (clubbing and city centre nights out died off by mid-20s as work zapped my energy) activities and interesting "travelling" holidays.

My 30s were the early phase of child rearing.

As my 40s go on, I'm reclaiming more of myself as family commitments ease. I've continued some activities from my 20s & 30s, I've tried some new ones too.

I'm looking forwards to my 50s when DH and I can return to adventurous holidays for us rather than family compromise holidays.

Different things make different people happy, but in-person social contact (to different extents) is important for long term health and happiness. That doesn't mean clubbing; for autistic DS, that's Warhammer and parkrun, but that social connection of doing things with others is important.

I was lucky to swerve "dating"; I met DH at uni through an activity and fortunately he was worth (potentially) spending the rest of our lives together. The thought of OLD strikes me with horror, mainly because there's so many awful men loitering around it, and hard to filter the good ones.

There's more than one way to be happy, but some flexibility and experimenting in youth before being constrained by commitments is useful life experience, and fun to recall if nothing else.

Where are all the young single people
living? Maybe they are to be found in a different, cheaper area. Where do your friends live? Are they at home with parents too? Maybe you could find a place together?

I know what anxiety is like and I just want to encourage you to reach for the life that you want, despite it.

Also , I noted that you still live at home with your parents. I know property is expensive etc but you have a good job - could you afford to rent a place with some housemates? It might not be as comfortable as living at home but your life and social circle might open up in new and exciting ways. Be honest - you don’t really want to be travelling alone, do you? You want someone to love and to experience life with. If you want your life to change then you need to do something different.

I know 2 people who were still living with parents in their late 20s and they are still there now in their 40s and the chance of having their own families has passed them by. It is a sadness, because it is something they would have wanted.

So yes, you have time! But it would be very easy to keep putting off making a change and find before long that years have passed. I would not have met my husband if I had stayed living at home with my parents.

I see that you have been through a lot and the phrase occurs to me - the ship is safe in the harbour, but that’s not what ships are for. Good luck. I wish you all the best.

I’m kind of spiritual about it tbh. We get one life, it’s for us. We come in alone, we go out alone.

Most of modern life has only been around for 1 or 2 hundred years. The rules were slowly made up and built up by - and to benefit - the people who wanted to be in charge and have the most. So there became a huge culture of doing the most.

You really have to live it for yourself, find your own meaning within the system we’re stuck with and let other people’s judgements go over you, as long as you’re not causing any harm yourself or anyone else.

I'm older than you (mid 30s now) but I also didn't want to travel and backpack.... so I didn't! I went to uni and my early 20s involved going out with mates and drinking etc., but I was settled down with my not-yet-DH by 23 and living in a flat together. Got myself a good step on career ladder and worked longish hours, so didn't want to spend weekends clubbing etc. Spent time saving and bought house at 24, married at 25 and then had my first child at 26!

Everyone's route to life is different. Don't worry about comparing yourself - if you are happy, then you're happy. No need to second guess if that's OK. So many people are desperately lonely or unhappy and hiding it, so take comfort in the contentment you have - its so out of reach for so many people!

But why does 'fun' have to be someone else's idea of fun?? Going to a packed out/club, queueing at the bar, loud and noisy is NOT my idea of fun, and never has been.

I felt obliged to try in in my uni years - but didn't really enjoy it . I'm surpirsed and pleased my kids seem to bend less to social pressure than I did at same age. They will try thing but if they don't like won't get pressured into going again but suggest other options.

I spent my 20s finishing education, starting long hours proper jobs visiting now DH long distance to keep that realtionship going but most importantly paying of uni debts (mostly masters) and saving like mad - and towards end of 20s getting married and having first kids.

Only because I saved so hard could we in early 30s buy a house.

Friends and family have done differenet things some settled down earlier some much later and some feel they missed the boat- some traveled some worked abroad - some have no kids some much younger and some independent and a few older one are GP - some are doing more traveling and adventuring now kids are independent most seem relatively happy with the choices they have made.

Question *

It’s a strange quest in a way, although the answers are even stranger.

You get one shot at life and happiness is the ultimate goal, which it sounds like you have achieved.

It really doesn’t matter what makes others happy and even less what they think should make a person of a certain age happy.

Indeed. This

@IWasScaredToBeHeld I still can't travel alone ....I haven't been out of the country since my honeymoon in 2000. I'm a bit like Miranda in that I'd rather imagine going abroad without the hassle of going :). I'm looking forward to moving house so that I can go to the North Norfolk coast...I highly recommend!

I think people should just do whatever they want in their 20s. Some people are adventurous and others just aren’t

But why does 'fun' have to be someone else's idea of fun?? Going to a packed out/club, queueing at the bar, loud and noisy is NOT my idea of fun, and never has been. I went nightclubbing about 5 times and I hated it each time (now early 50s) . I do like a quiet pub with a meal though
I love to see 2 good friends regularly, I love to go out for lots of walks with DH and Ddog. I have no desire to go on a holiday to an out of place country and 'rough' it.
I do have some countries I'd love to visit including Canada and New Zealand but its not the time family wise.
I LOVE to create, I love making cards/jewellery/baking and x stitch(since early teens) and will spend hours doing it. And like OP also absolutely adore soaking in the baths (no interruptions, door is locked).

I LOVE the fact that people do not just behave as expected like in the past, and are happy to live their life they love!

Your life sounds lovely OP. I'm 52 but from 18-25 I had what most would consider a boring life. I did a few courses at the local college and spent most of my time with my boyfriend at his parent's house. We spent our time cooking, shopping and going out for meals. I'm not with my boyfriend/exH now but I'd love to go back to that time because it was so stable and it was nice to have family around. To me it seemed exciting anyway and my mental health was pretty good.

I'm autistic so bear that in mind, but going to the Maldives for our honeymoon was really scary for me and even though it was beautiful, I hated it and we came home early.

Why did you ask if you didn't want anyone to suggest that your approach was anything other than perfect? Did you just want a thread of people congratulating you on having it all figured out?