Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish rape cases in Court were taken as seriously as this Epping sex offender?

91 replies

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 10:27

I am sure this will be an unpopular opinion but here goes.
This guy has put his hand on a 14 yo and grown woman's leg/thigh and said he wants babies with them, told one they'd make a good wife asked two teens to kiss in public.

Don't get me wrong, creepy perv and sexually deviant with a minor yes. I'm not suggesting he should get asylum or not have been arrested.

I am shocked this is being suggested as the most important sex offender crime the Courts have had to see this year. All the coverage! We have so many men who rape and abuse for years and victims don't see a court room for years. How has public opinion pushed this relatively minor incident to the fore? Why do the men draped in flags setting fire to things and peeing all over monuments not care about the low rape convictions, for example?

I'm so confused about this. Do men actually now care about rape and sexual assault or is it because of the way this one looks? The BBC is going in heavy with only a few references to what he actually did. Frankly, and this may say more about my local, I used to get older men doing this to me and my friends as a teen all through the 90's. It was grim but I doubt I'd have got far if I had reported it as sexual assault.

OP posts:
MissFenellaPrism · 23/09/2025 15:37

So, you think it should have been low priority, that's your issue?

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:35

A lot of people clearly not reading my posts.
I don't condone what this guy did and am glad he was arrested and has a sentence. I do not however think it should have taken priority and been all over the news more than any other sexual offence of possibly a graver nature, particularly actual rape.

I am alarmed so many rapists can walk the street for years and no one cares, yet this got fast tracked and used as an anti-immigration "win" and the people protesting only seem to care because of the colour of his skin rather than the nature of the crimes. As I said, it should be about helping women get the most out of the legal system and clearing the 3 year backlog, rather than racking up a lot of extra policing spends with protests for one guy.

OP posts:
MissFenellaPrism · 23/09/2025 15:31

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:15

Blaming the victim is always wrong, but he is far from the first man to do it.

I don't understand. No, he's not the first man to do this, is that an excuse?

MissFenellaPrism · 23/09/2025 15:30

So, because many women and girls don't get justice and are victims of sexual harassment - and worse - this man should get off lightly?
Is that what you're saying?
Please clarify.

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:27

GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:22

💯
I'm really unclear where this thread is heading and OP's motivation here.

He didn't rape anyone.
My point was that while it's great he was seen and "made an example of" it is being seen as a racist attack on a UK citizen. It is another man attacking another woman and being used as a distraction for a political issue rather than a sexist one.

We need to tackle violence against women and girls, like clearing the backlog of accused rapists waiting out of jail for years strolling along our streets who haven't been in Court. It's alarming to me that so many seem to be able to ignore that, not march for it at all and just seem to accept it because they probably are white. If they are a refugee we seem to fast track them for less than rape. I don't think that is a good system.

OP posts:
GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:22

Chaosclassic · 23/09/2025 15:18

I know a rapist who got off so let’s let them all off 🫥

💯
I'm really unclear where this thread is heading and OP's motivation here.

GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:20

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:15

Blaming the victim is always wrong, but he is far from the first man to do it.

Well of course he isn't. No one in their right mind is suggesting he is.
But we're talking about this particular man aren't we.

Chaosclassic · 23/09/2025 15:18

I know a rapist who got off so let’s let them all off 🫥

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:15

Blaming the victim is always wrong, but he is far from the first man to do it.

OP posts:
GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:14

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:12

Yeah I heard that too not so long ago, "she was gagging for it" was a popular phrase, alongside "get your tits out for the lads!" being chanted in the streets.

If I had sat with the guys at the pub who were pawing at me and offered them some pizza, do you think I'd have been believed in a rape case?

Edited

I can't comment on that. I'm commenting on this particular case that you've started a threat about.

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:12

GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:10

He apparently tried to blame the girl and claim that she was the one acting inappropriately towards him. He absolutely deserves prison time for this.

Yeah I heard that too not so long ago, "she was gagging for it" was a popular phrase, alongside "get your tits out for the lads!" being chanted in the streets.

If I had sat with the guys at the pub who were pawing at me and offered them some pizza, do you think I'd have been believed in a rape case?

OP posts:
GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:10

He apparently tried to blame the girl and claim that she was the one acting inappropriately towards him. He absolutely deserves prison time for this.

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 15:07

ginasevern · 23/09/2025 14:46

Of course men don't give a shit about rape cases, we all know that OP. And yes, some of the men protesting about asylum seekers are going to be fucking nasty hypocrites. But it doesn't stop me, as a woman, not wanting to import even more violent sex offenders. And it sickens me to the stomach that Article 3 of the ECHR has been used by a lawyers to block deportation. This includes those involved in the Bradford grooming gangs. Everyone losses the right to be protected from (alleged) ill treatment in their own country the minute he rapes or abuses a woman or child in this country.

Right - the point should be to focus on the victims and their arduous process to be heard, helped and the law upheld. Turning this into another discussion about immigration isn't helping anything, just adding another problem.
We all know it's men.
What we need is men to realise it is all men, and they need to be part of the change - calling out friends for abusing wives, not cat calling etc rather than carrying on pretending it's only "those" sort of men, not men like them.

OP posts:
GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:05

It's good he's been made an example of as apparently he didn't know 'how strict the UK was' and clearly thought this was an acceptable way to treat a woman & a child. Hopefully others will learn from this.

ginasevern · 23/09/2025 15:04

MorrisZapp · 23/09/2025 14:51

When he is let out from where? I haven't read the news story but if OP is correct he touched a woman and a child on their legs and made a disgusting comment. If that's an imprisonable offence we're going to have to build a few thousand new prisons.

The idea is that he won't be granted asylum and will be deported, not imprisoned in this country. Anyone who has come here alleging ill treatment (and yet even whilst awaiting a decision) has proved to be a threat to women has lost all goodwill. I'm sure you'll agree that it's very hard to sympathise with a man who cries about his own personal safety whilst inflicting fear on women and minors.

GypsyQueeen · 23/09/2025 15:01

MorrisZapp · 23/09/2025 14:51

When he is let out from where? I haven't read the news story but if OP is correct he touched a woman and a child on their legs and made a disgusting comment. If that's an imprisonable offence we're going to have to build a few thousand new prisons.

When he is let out of prison she means. He apparently wants to be deported so 🥳🥳🥳.
And he did more than touch a woman & child on the leg, hence the 12 month prison sentence.

Ninjasan · 23/09/2025 14:54

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 10:27

I am sure this will be an unpopular opinion but here goes.
This guy has put his hand on a 14 yo and grown woman's leg/thigh and said he wants babies with them, told one they'd make a good wife asked two teens to kiss in public.

Don't get me wrong, creepy perv and sexually deviant with a minor yes. I'm not suggesting he should get asylum or not have been arrested.

I am shocked this is being suggested as the most important sex offender crime the Courts have had to see this year. All the coverage! We have so many men who rape and abuse for years and victims don't see a court room for years. How has public opinion pushed this relatively minor incident to the fore? Why do the men draped in flags setting fire to things and peeing all over monuments not care about the low rape convictions, for example?

I'm so confused about this. Do men actually now care about rape and sexual assault or is it because of the way this one looks? The BBC is going in heavy with only a few references to what he actually did. Frankly, and this may say more about my local, I used to get older men doing this to me and my friends as a teen all through the 90's. It was grim but I doubt I'd have got far if I had reported it as sexual assault.

Yes. We are all racist because we do not want imported, illegal men sexually assault our children. Yes you are so superior. Yes, we have a lot home grown rapist. Yes, people had enough of men of unknown background coming here and 8 days later deciding that a 14 year old schoolgirl is a partner for sex.

MorrisZapp · 23/09/2025 14:51

NettleandBramble · 23/09/2025 14:38

We know that this sort of behaviour escalates. It is good that this man has been charged before it could. I am concerned with what happens when he is let out. I am also concerned with the many rape and sexual assault cases that don't get taken seriously and never make it to court.
As someone who was on the receiving end of sexual assault from a stranger in a public space, I am concerned it wasn't taken seriously enough and I was fobbed off with that man still roaming the streets.i wasn't able to stop it from happening to another woman despite reporting it, giving a statement and providing a photo.

Women aren't taken seriously, the process is hideous, if it makes it to prosecution the sentences are derisory and makes a mockery of what the victim went through.

When he is let out from where? I haven't read the news story but if OP is correct he touched a woman and a child on their legs and made a disgusting comment. If that's an imprisonable offence we're going to have to build a few thousand new prisons.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 23/09/2025 14:49

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 10:43

I haven't seen another thread?
I'm annoyed but also actually confused. We hear all the time how Courts take years for rape victims, how unsupported they are and how costly and damaging it is. Yet this has had news coverage and protests and likely millions thrown at it.

It’s almost as weird as the sentences given out to the people involved in the Southport riots. If only all unruly antisocial behaviour could be expedited in the same way and all people involved in criminal behaviour could be given such strong sentences. If only.

ginasevern · 23/09/2025 14:46

Of course men don't give a shit about rape cases, we all know that OP. And yes, some of the men protesting about asylum seekers are going to be fucking nasty hypocrites. But it doesn't stop me, as a woman, not wanting to import even more violent sex offenders. And it sickens me to the stomach that Article 3 of the ECHR has been used by a lawyers to block deportation. This includes those involved in the Bradford grooming gangs. Everyone losses the right to be protected from (alleged) ill treatment in their own country the minute he rapes or abuses a woman or child in this country.

NettleandBramble · 23/09/2025 14:38

We know that this sort of behaviour escalates. It is good that this man has been charged before it could. I am concerned with what happens when he is let out. I am also concerned with the many rape and sexual assault cases that don't get taken seriously and never make it to court.
As someone who was on the receiving end of sexual assault from a stranger in a public space, I am concerned it wasn't taken seriously enough and I was fobbed off with that man still roaming the streets.i wasn't able to stop it from happening to another woman despite reporting it, giving a statement and providing a photo.

Women aren't taken seriously, the process is hideous, if it makes it to prosecution the sentences are derisory and makes a mockery of what the victim went through.

Northquit · 23/09/2025 14:23

If you're outraged that some cases get to court quicker than others then that's a good point to hold in mind.

Anything is possible if the political will is there.

Rape cases are being placed in the calendar for 2027, maybe even 2028 - that's shockingly bad.

Shakeoffyourchains · 23/09/2025 13:50

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 12:00

Sure. It would be even better if everyone protesting would look at the majority of abuse, femicide and rape of women in this country and caused a riot about the lack of police care, length of wait for a Court appearance, the abuse of counselling transcripts by accused - actual violence and abuse against women, the victims.

Men are taking crimes against women and using them to push their political beliefs rather than help women.

Men are taking crimes against women and using them to push their political beliefs rather than help women.

That’s because when the right whinge talk about “protecting women and children,” they don’t mean keeping them safe from harm.

They mean protecting them the way you protect a possession. That’s why it’s always our women and children. In their heads, it’s like property, you can mistreat what’s yours, but god forbid if someone else does.

BunfightBetty · 23/09/2025 13:49

Are abusive men using the sex crimes of immigrants as an excuse for racism? Absolutely. Do they care about home-grown abuse of women? No.

BUT

We can - and should - care about more than one thing at a time and it makes sense to deal with the easy wins first. Rooting out home-grown abusers will require a wholesale change of culture in our police and justice systems, as well as our culture more widely. We absolutely should do this and focus should be put on it. But it won't be a quick win.

Getting rid of imported rapists and sex offenders can be done way, way quicker. The ball could be got rolling today if only there was the political will. We can make it much harder for them to come into the country much sooner than we can deal with the home-grown deviants.

It's legitimate to focus on immigrant sex-offenders, as it reduces risk to women and children much more quickly. And given we already have a huge problem with sex offenders, we'd be absolute idiots to keep adding to it. When you're in a hole, stop digging.

ClutchingPearlz · 23/09/2025 13:30

FirstCuppa · 23/09/2025 11:57

It certainly didn't go on for months though did it, or have 150k people turn up using it as a political football

It did go on for months yes. There were multiple vigils, protests and marches involving hundreds of people.