Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be resentful of my teenage daughters

78 replies

SpunkyPearlSwan · 23/09/2025 01:00

I have 2 teenage daughters, and they are 14 and 16. We don't live in the UK so there is not like GCSEs in factor. They are very lazy and this is making me resentful as I don't want them to be like me now because they are only teenagers and I am a 50 years old housewife.

The 16 years old has never had a job and during school holidays read and laze about at home. During school terms she does study on school days but rarely does much productive during weekends unless it's near an exam or coursework due date. She does choir and debating at school and that's it. She wakes up at the last minute she can and would never arrive early to school. She used to play instruments but stopped playing after protesting against them. She is not a bad kid but just very lazy and this makes me mad. To be fair though, she does harder subjects at school.

The 14 years old is not as lazy but very rude so I am equally resentful of her. She plays 2 instruments at what I'd say high level and does orchestra at school and does her own music chamber groups and the occasional competition. Her grades are good at school but after school and on weekends she is always on her phone lying on her bed and this is such a bad habit. When I tell her to do something productive she swears at me. She is also in general very rude and demanding and loves telling me to shut up.

As a result, I feel pretty resentful of them and it is pretty obvious. I keep telling the 16 years old to get a job and the 14 years old to stop being so focused on boys. AIBU?

OP posts:
PollyBell · 23/09/2025 04:48

Well you are showing them women dont have to work

Neemie · 23/09/2025 04:42

Let them be as they seem to be doing fine. Focus on your own life and why you feel so dissatisfied that you resent your own children. Maybe join a choir, take up an instrument or get a part time job yourself.

TooBigForMyBoots · 23/09/2025 01:12

YABU to feel resentful of your children @SpunkyPearlSwan.

They're children, you are their parent. They're not responsible for your feelings. It sounds like you could do with someone to help you out with these feelings.

Otherwise your resentment will negatively impact your parenting and the most important relationships in your life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread