Ex partner galavanting the world while I raise the children alone

'' But your life is so much richer than his. You get to cuddle your children every day. It's you they'll want when they're happy or sad. You will have the close relationship when they grow up. ''

But you are forgetting that at least 90 percent of the time with small children is hard graft, full of stress, feeling touched out and trapped, no time for self and no one to give you a break during frequent overwhelm. OPs ex will be protected from all of that BY LAW in his job.

I find it very minimising and patronising to say OPs life is richer than her ex's. Sometimes love isn't enough.

Women don't want to be reduced to being only 'mum'.

But your life is so much richer than his. You get to cuddle your children every day. It's you they'll want when they're happy or sad. You will have the close relationship when they grow up.

I spent my 20s travelling the world and partying and nothing compares - nothing - to holding your babies close.

He's also an arsehole.

The majority of men do not want children. Women shouldn't be surprised if men bail out at some point. If you want children, then expect to raise them on your own.

Your children were just 8, 5 and 3 weeks !! when you were left to rear them single handed @iamjustlurking 😮😮😮
💐💐💐

I used to feel resentful occasionally that I was doing it all alone without any support whilst on the very rare occasion I spoke to my ex he was at pains to point out how much he treated his gf's DC. Which I believe because it was about access to her.

It's hard when you are constantly doing the heavy lifting. But your DC will see this. It easy to be the fun parent when you are not doing the basics everyday forever.

My DS is an adult and I'm no longer resentful. I know my ex is broken and broke.

@AliceMaforethought

you are quite right - he should be paying more for his kids.

If he is gallivanting and not working hard he won't be in the job long!

Can you 'outsource' if you like some of the jobs in the home like getting a cleaner? Some will iron and change beds too. It might help with time. Zero shame in getting help with the house x

How do you know that he 'isn't gallivanting'? And even if he is working very hard, there is no excuse for him not paying more towards his kids.

Yes I would

OP hit him up for some more money to take stuff off your plate.

Could you take a couple of sick days when your dc are in school and once you’ve dropped them off go home, snuggle on the sofa and watch some films? Or go to a local cafe for a long coffee and read a book?
I completely understand feeling overwhelmed and tired by the constant feeling of being responsible for everything for everyone.

I understand your annoyance but he isn't gallivanting. He's working.

DH and DD both travel a lot for their jobs. They fly business class or first, eat in nice restaurants with clients and stay in fancy hotels. It all looks very glamorous but it's not an easy life - jet lag, broken sleep, late nights and early starts, constantly having to look smart and make connections and constant small talk whilst maintaining a high standard of work. They miss out on special events with family and friends and just having a normal social life. Their work/life balance is way out of whack when they travel.

When I was younger I was often seconded to other branches of my business for a week or two at a time. At first staying in a nice hotel and having dinner cooked for me every night was a thrill but the novelty wore off and I was delighted to get home and have a boiled egg or beans on toast whilst watching tv in my pjs.

You sound like a wonderful mum. Treasure your time with your DC. All too soon they will be gone.

Honestly, do you trust him with your kids? Do you want the possibility of him settling abroad and having them part of the time?

If you want him more involved, I would ban visits until he agrees to a regular weekend schedule

Not to sound like a dick but I like being a single mum now 😭, no man to factor in, so I would just block and ignore him, and have a relative facilitate his visits with the kids when he feels so inclined

That way, you dont need to see him and feel reminded of what you dont have xx

*You get to be there when they need you for comfort, love and nurturing.
You tuck them into bed at night and read them a story.
You get to know your kids. You are their mumma. "

I'm sure OP knows that by now, every second of every day. Perhaps she would like to also have some kind of autonomy in her life as well as being 'mumma' .

That sounds really hard OP but please don’t be hard on yourself.
You get to be there when they need you for comfort, love and nurturing.
You tuck them into bed at night and read them a story.
You get to know your kids. You are their mumma

Oh op, I hear you. This was my life too. I was blindsided when my two were tiny and xh went off to pursue his glamorous job, complete with affair with a colleague and lots of world travel. It was incredibly hard. He told me that life with me and the dcs was too mundane.

I had to leave my own job to care for the dcs on my own for a while (no family nearby and fledgling friendships as we’d just relocated)

years on, ive built my own career, have some amazing friends and although i don’t want the dcs to realise he’s a nob and have never actively pointed it out, they totally do.

He is the loser long term, not you.

I think men who don't do right by their DC after the relationship with the mother has ended should be forcibly castrated.

Why not sometimes?
Nothing wrong with wanting a break

Oh yeah I’m sure he is super jealous of the op sat at home with the kids every night 🙄

OP, you are absolutely entitled to a break and are doing an amazing job. Of course this is not what you signed up for and is so unfair, and exhausting. Keep pushing for your rubbish ex to take on more responsibility. He clearly doesn't want to and loves his freedom but why should you have absolutely none. A night off when he is back or a weekend and absolutely push him about the school holidays and the need to parent his own children. Lie about your work commitments if you have to, and yes your MIL can help too if he won't. You should not have to ask or beg but this is what it is. You need some time too, and take it where you can.

Is that really what you got from this? Seriously?

My ex is the same.
The children are older now though and they see him for who he is

I sympathise, OP. It's shit and the fact that you'll have a closer relationship with your DC in the future than him, isn't really helping now. It's not fair. Keep on keeping on.

Why? You know exactly what she means and why she’s frazzled with it all and feeling like she’s got the rough end of the stick.
when you have children you expect to have help from the other parent sharing the load together she clearly doesn’t have that and is pissed off so she’s come here for a moan!