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Original poster

"Can I take you out for a meal"?

318 replies

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 20:16

Would you find this odd? It sounds like it's come from the 70s. What's a meal anyway? It sounds creepy. Lunch or dinner maybe yes but a meal?

I said I was busy.

OP posts:
gannett · 23/09/2025 07:45

It's incredible that people talking about their visceral dislike of certain utterly bog-standard words have the gall to use "ICK" of all things to justify it. Talk about words that are like nails on blackboard. You can't stand "meal" but you'll happily say "ick"? Deeply strange.

Thing is all the deep dives into "can I take you out for a meal?" make sense - yes, the phrasing is a bit stilted and formal, no, I'm an independent woman and I don't need to be taken out (though isn't it good of him to ask politely rather than assume either way?). If I was writing a short story I would pore over my phrases and the hidden nuances of every single word like that.

In real life people don't actually pick their words as carefully as that and you need to learn to roll with how the English language is actually used in everyday speech rather than a literature thesis.

CurlewKate · 23/09/2025 07:44

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I hate “go out for food”. I might turn that down!

TwinklyWrinkly · 23/09/2025 07:41

I'd absolutely hate to be a man in this day and age. He was trying to be gentlemanly and let you control the intensity. If he had asked you to dinner you'd have been complaining he was obviously trying to get you into bed. What a sleaze. If he asked you to lunch, he obviously isn't that interested. Waste of space. If he asked you for coffee, he's obviously a cheapskate. What a tightwad.
What exactly would have been acceptable wording for you?

Atsocta · 23/09/2025 07:39

Think someone has had a lucky escape and it’s not you ….

Bloozie · 23/09/2025 07:37

Sometimes I feel sorry for the men. Only sometimes.

This is one of those times.

ruffler45 · 23/09/2025 07:31

Cant imagine he will ask again...

FemWoman · 23/09/2025 07:27

Lucky chap that you refused. It is really nice when so early on people know they are not for each other.

AliceMaforethought · 23/09/2025 07:15

You're weird, OP. Really weird.

Renoonabudget · 23/09/2025 07:02

I'd probably let it go unless there was something else about him that gave me the ick, or I just didn't like him that way.

Bringmeahigherlove · 23/09/2025 07:02

You’re being very sensitive. Someone offered to take you out for lunch or dinner and probably pay for it….and you’re offended? Sigh.

BustyLaRoux · 23/09/2025 06:59

No @OllyBJolly he isn’t from anywhere near Edinburgh! He quite likes us to stay for dinner and doesn’t think of it as a scrounging. He is autistic and can have an odd way of phrasing things. My brother usually responds to “do you want feeding?” With “yes please, if you could just put a trough down for me, I’ll feed myself down there!”

I can’t put my finger on “can I have you for a meal?” would also bother me like the OP. There’s something distinctly unromantic about being taken “for a meal” as opposed to being taken “to dinner”. Gives me the ick but I couldn’t explain it. Maybe that’s the thing with getting the ick. It has no real rhyme or reason!

ThatCyanCat · 23/09/2025 06:56

It wouldn't have bothered you if you fancied him.

OllyBJolly · 23/09/2025 06:43

I think it's quite a clever way to ask the question and avoid any misunderstanding!

My Aberdeenshire family have dinner mid day and supper in the evening.
In the west of Scotland I have dinner mid day and tea in the evening
Coronation Street characters would talk about "this dinner time" meaning day time.
The rest of the world seems to have lunch at mid day and dinner at night.

Also "Take you" suggests he's paying. Whereas, @BustyLaRoux 's dad seems to be suggesting she's dropped in to scrounge a dinner! Is your dad from Edinburgh by any chance? (Glasgow joke! 😝)

Shellyash · 23/09/2025 06:15

Guessing you are single? Sounds like you will be for a while. If that annoys you then I'm sure everyone and everything annoys you.

ruffler45 · 23/09/2025 06:12

Perhaps you should tell us what words he should have used to ask you out?

NorthernLass2025 · 23/09/2025 06:10

Jeeeeeeez I would jump at the chance someone taking me out for a meal clearly means they've got the bill to lol

borntobequiet · 23/09/2025 06:10

PoshestPaws · 23/09/2025 03:19

I used to think I was strange for having such strong responses to words, then I came across Helen Walsh and her “shovel list” in Marian Keyes books.

I know it’s just a character in a book but I have never identified with anyone so much 😂.

It’s not like the character materialised out of nowhere, MK has said she based Helen on herself and other people, she has written a few books (some autobiographies) with similar strong aversions to words and phrases.

I now use the term “evening food” rather than saying “meal” or “dinner” l think it’s an excellent alternative.

If someone I liked asked me out using those words OP I’d probably gently tease them about it in case it was due to nerves. If they laugh along and see your point then it’s a bonus.

I had similar with an ex who said on our first date that he needed a drink because he was “completely parched”.
There was nothing really wrong with the statement and really it showed he had a good vocabulary, it just gave me the ick for no reason. I told him he sounded like my Nan when she wanted a cup of tea. We laughed about it for years and it became a running joke, I think sometimes these things are a good test because I find someone sensitive to criticism isn’t a good partner.

“Evening food”?

That does sound strange.

siucra · 23/09/2025 06:09

the only issue is the word ‘can’.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 23/09/2025 06:09

The guy had a lucky escape by the looks of it.

HelpMeGetThrough · 23/09/2025 06:09

Well it certainly more polite than “can I come around for a shag?”

Zonder · 23/09/2025 06:07

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 21:20

This is it I think. I can't explain why it put me off. It feels like my uncle Fred saying it. I'm 36 for those asking.

Show quote history

Never mind, you did him a favour.

The suggested similar post straight under this one is titled "Do you ever come home from a meal out..." Nobody replied to rudely point out how bad they sounded, and everyone seemed to understand what a meal is.

CoffeeCantata · 23/09/2025 05:59

rainbowunicorn · 22/09/2025 21:20

I actually despair. How the fuck have we got to the point where a man asking a woman out for a meal is seen as weird, creepy, giving the ick.
Poor guy sounds like he's had a lucky escape.

Exactly this.

What a ridiculous OP!

beready2025 · 23/09/2025 05:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Middlechild3 · 23/09/2025 05:47

Todayismyfavouriteday · 23/09/2025 00:39

That's a perfectly nice way to offer a lunch or dinner. What's wrong with you?

This.
What on earth is going wrong with people. Someone else posted another thread about someone saying Hello to her. Have people forgotten how to deal with polite interaction?

Olivene · 23/09/2025 05:25

rainbowunicorn · 22/09/2025 21:20

I actually despair. How the fuck have we got to the point where a man asking a woman out for a meal is seen as weird, creepy, giving the ick.
Poor guy sounds like he's had a lucky escape.

Yawwwwwwn. There are many, many things in the world more deserving of your despair than this, and she is allowed to be put off by whatever she wants, so relax.