Page 5 | "Can I take you out for a meal"?

PeopleWatching17 · 23/09/2025 08:50

TheChosenTwo · 22/09/2025 20:22

I think it’s a nice way of opening up the idea to a more casual brunch/lunch or a more formal/intimate dinner.
Sort of ‘ball’s in your court as to what you want to do’.
But yeah just sack him off 😂

I read that wrong. At least have the meal first 🙂

upseedaisee · 23/09/2025 08:47

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 20:16

Would you find this odd? It sounds like it's come from the 70s. What's a meal anyway? It sounds creepy. Lunch or dinner maybe yes but a meal?

I said I was busy.

I'd say he dodged a bullet there.

Citrusbergamia · 23/09/2025 08:45

Bloozie · 23/09/2025 07:37

Sometimes I feel sorry for the men. Only sometimes.

This is one of those times.

came here to say the same.

OneCleverPinkFawn · 23/09/2025 08:43

Idk, sounds normal to me, if a bit old-fashioned but nothing creepy imo.

Middlechild3 · 23/09/2025 08:41

TwinklyWrinkly · 23/09/2025 07:41

I'd absolutely hate to be a man in this day and age. He was trying to be gentlemanly and let you control the intensity. If he had asked you to dinner you'd have been complaining he was obviously trying to get you into bed. What a sleaze. If he asked you to lunch, he obviously isn't that interested. Waste of space. If he asked you for coffee, he's obviously a cheapskate. What a tightwad.
What exactly would have been acceptable wording for you?

yep, it was clever phrasing on his part. Left it open to you to decide if it would be brunch/lunch/dinner.

Mercurial123 · 23/09/2025 08:38

123dontcomeatme · 23/09/2025 08:34

See, I would read that he was probably quite dated all over, with dated behaviours and dates thought patterns. Its the ' can I take you' which is a bit uncomfortable too as it's now more of a joint decision and experience. Until you are further into a relationship.

All this frothing because a woman dare not like something a man has said to her, how very dare she!

But, when, 5 years down the line, shes miserable, stuck with kids who he refuses to help with and wont lift a finger around the house , she will also get the blame for not seeing potential red flags of his dated behaviour.

This is just so dramatic... it's brilliant. I'm hoping this is irony but hard to tell on MN.

Middlechild3 · 23/09/2025 08:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

exagerated to say he was yelling but yes it was still just a man saying hello from his property as she passed by.

MargaritaMargaret · 23/09/2025 08:35

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 22/09/2025 20:19

Yeah, utterly bizarre phrase. Block and end all contact. Maybe write to your local MP too, needs to be raised in Parliament.

🤣🤣🤣

graceinspace999 · 23/09/2025 08:34

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 22/09/2025 20:19

Yeah, utterly bizarre phrase. Block and end all contact. Maybe write to your local MP too, needs to be raised in Parliament.

Yes - post on X.
Then cancel and dox immediately. I’m sure this is code for an ism or an ic.

123dontcomeatme · 23/09/2025 08:34

See, I would read that he was probably quite dated all over, with dated behaviours and dates thought patterns. Its the ' can I take you' which is a bit uncomfortable too as it's now more of a joint decision and experience. Until you are further into a relationship.

All this frothing because a woman dare not like something a man has said to her, how very dare she!

But, when, 5 years down the line, shes miserable, stuck with kids who he refuses to help with and wont lift a finger around the house , she will also get the blame for not seeing potential red flags of his dated behaviour.

Itsastart · 23/09/2025 08:28

It’s probably slightly dated. Similar to using “a spread” in place of buffet. Probably a generational or regional thing, and I definitely wouldn’t take it as a sign of incompatibility

Alittlefrustrated · 23/09/2025 08:24

Arlanymor · 22/09/2025 20:22

You stood someone up because you didn't like the phrase 'picky bits'? Yes I agree, that is very cringe. And rude.

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Agree - especially when you knew he was shopping especially. Though a would have politely declined - expecting expectations!

stillhiding1990 · 23/09/2025 08:20

RachelTopliss · 23/09/2025 08:19

I don't have a Reddit account and have never been on Reddit.

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I didn’t say you had, someone else said it was weird this exact post was on Reddit and you quoted my response

Original poster

RachelTopliss · 23/09/2025 08:19

stillhiding1990 · 23/09/2025 04:57

you find it weird op posted the same question on Reddit? Many people here have accounts with other social media platforms so not that weird for her to post on another forum?

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I don't have a Reddit account and have never been on Reddit.

OP posts:

Plastictreees · 23/09/2025 08:18

TBC99 · 23/09/2025 08:14

Agree.
'A spot of lunch' also makes me squirm 🤣

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Just why 😱😱🤣🤣

godmum56 · 23/09/2025 08:17

not odd at all by me, but of course you are welcome to do you.

Original poster

RachelTopliss · 23/09/2025 08:14

dollyblue01 · 22/09/2025 21:40

How old is he who’s asking ?

OP posts:

TBC99 · 23/09/2025 08:14

Plastictreees · 22/09/2025 21:10

I think you’ve got some harsh responses, I know what you mean OP. The word ‘meal’ gives me the ick for some reason. I would always say ‘going out for lunch / dinner’. I also hate the term ‘a bite to eat’.

Agree.
'A spot of lunch' also makes me squirm 🤣

youalright · 23/09/2025 08:08

123dontcomeatme · 22/09/2025 21:03

Op, I agree with you.

I think it's quite old fashioned language that is dated. Depending on your ages it would weird me out even more.

No one under 40 talks like that, but then I also get the ick when men talk about enjoying watching box sets like it's 2002.

Old , stuck in the past and I take as a sign we are not a match.

Im under 40 and talk like that i often say to my partner do you want to go out for a meal this weekend.

Lambington · 23/09/2025 08:00

Yes - what you think and did is odd.
Sounds like the other person dodged a bullet.

MrsDoubtfire1 · 23/09/2025 07:56

PoshestPaws · 23/09/2025 03:19

I used to think I was strange for having such strong responses to words, then I came across Helen Walsh and her “shovel list” in Marian Keyes books.

I know it’s just a character in a book but I have never identified with anyone so much 😂.

It’s not like the character materialised out of nowhere, MK has said she based Helen on herself and other people, she has written a few books (some autobiographies) with similar strong aversions to words and phrases.

I now use the term “evening food” rather than saying “meal” or “dinner” l think it’s an excellent alternative.

If someone I liked asked me out using those words OP I’d probably gently tease them about it in case it was due to nerves. If they laugh along and see your point then it’s a bonus.

I had similar with an ex who said on our first date that he needed a drink because he was “completely parched”.
There was nothing really wrong with the statement and really it showed he had a good vocabulary, it just gave me the ick for no reason. I told him he sounded like my Nan when she wanted a cup of tea. We laughed about it for years and it became a running joke, I think sometimes these things are a good test because I find someone sensitive to criticism isn’t a good partner.

Made me laugh. I suppose nowadays someone might say: I am dehydrated! Parched sounds much more quaint but I would be looking to see if he had a corduroy tie and white socks and sandals. That would be the defining factor for me.

Plastictreees · 23/09/2025 07:52

BustyLaRoux · 23/09/2025 06:59

No @OllyBJolly he isn’t from anywhere near Edinburgh! He quite likes us to stay for dinner and doesn’t think of it as a scrounging. He is autistic and can have an odd way of phrasing things. My brother usually responds to “do you want feeding?” With “yes please, if you could just put a trough down for me, I’ll feed myself down there!”

I can’t put my finger on “can I have you for a meal?” would also bother me like the OP. There’s something distinctly unromantic about being taken “for a meal” as opposed to being taken “to dinner”. Gives me the ick but I couldn’t explain it. Maybe that’s the thing with getting the ick. It has no real rhyme or reason!

Exactly this.

I feel the same about a ‘bite to eat’.

KnitKnitKnitting · 23/09/2025 07:51

“What’s a meal anyway?”

Really?

OP I will forever defend your right to turn down any date, you don’t need a reason, if it feels icky it feels icky.

But I feel certain you know what a meal is 😂

MrsDoubtfire1 · 23/09/2025 07:48

Depends if you like the person. Perhaps you could just meet for coffee and cake or a cuppa and tea cake? It's a start. If they don't appeal to you, move on. And, yes, a meal does sound like the 70s. Nowadays you could ask to meet in a trendy bar for a cocktail or such like. A meal and them paying is quite in at the deep end. I wouldn't fancy that at my age until it was well into a few weeks/month of knowing and socialising with them.

niftyfuss · 23/09/2025 07:47

This really made me think of my best friend. She hates the word meal and would've reacted in exactly the same way as you. I'd be fine. ;)