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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Can I take you out for a meal"?

318 replies

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 20:16

Would you find this odd? It sounds like it's come from the 70s. What's a meal anyway? It sounds creepy. Lunch or dinner maybe yes but a meal?

I said I was busy.

OP posts:
NapoleonsToe · 22/09/2025 22:02

MyElatedUmberFinch · 22/09/2025 21:35

Or wait for a guy to suggest going for a walk as a date, that’s much more modern and less uncleish.

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Got to ask, what on earth is uncleish?

Fleetheart · 22/09/2025 22:02

Plastictreees · 22/09/2025 21:10

I think you’ve got some harsh responses, I know what you mean OP. The word ‘meal’ gives me the ick for some reason. I would always say ‘going out for lunch / dinner’. I also hate the term ‘a bite to eat’.

couldn’t agree more “a bite to eat” - somehow just awful! And the word meal is very unappealing to me. Don’t know why, just is. Not sure I could ever be attracted to anyone who used these words!

Starzinsky · 22/09/2025 22:01

Wow..some people make a drama out of anything...this has to be a joke.

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 22:01

It’s fine if it doesn’t bother you but it’s equally ok to not like it too.

Personally, I’m not looking for chivalrous, traditional, old-fashioned. If someone wants that then we’re not compatible so it would make me second guess them.

MasterBeth · 22/09/2025 22:01

Arrrrrrragghhh · 22/09/2025 21:59

It depends, but I do sort of know what you mean.
I think it sounds a bit wet. The “can I “ coupled with a non specific food date.

I much prefer something more direct or enthusiastic really.

I'd fucking love us to go for dinner.

itbemay1 · 22/09/2025 22:00

Odd

Arrrrrrragghhh · 22/09/2025 21:59

It depends, but I do sort of know what you mean.
I think it sounds a bit wet. The “can I “ coupled with a non specific food date.

I much prefer something more direct or enthusiastic really.

TheNeatCoralCat · 22/09/2025 21:58

A bit old-fashioned maybe but can’t see why you’d have such an issue. Sounds like you just didn’t fancy him, nothing to do with what he said or how he said it.

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 22/09/2025 21:58

I didn’t think it was deep, @Plastictreees, I thought it was fucking bonkers

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 22/09/2025 21:58

How odd, that wouldn't even register with me. It's such a normal phrase, like going out 'for a drink'. It isn't creepy at all, it's everyday language. And saying 'take you out' is him letting you know it's on him. Maybe it's a bit traditional, but it wouldn't put me off a man.

OwlIceCrem · 22/09/2025 21:56

Was my FIL asking you out?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/09/2025 21:56

I assume you had the choice of breakfast dinner or lunch and this person wanted to see when you’re free.
however if this person is not paying then they are bvu to say ‘take you out’ a man did that to me before and I was fuming

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 21:55

CoastalCalm · 22/09/2025 21:53

Would you find out to dinner weird ? Same thing

It’s the ‘take you…’ for me. I don’t need to be taken anywhere.

TheNewWasp · 22/09/2025 21:55

Are you ok, OP? This is a deranged thread.

Plastictreees · 22/09/2025 21:55

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 22/09/2025 21:54

If hearing the word ‘meal’ makes you feel sick, you need professional help, which hopefully you are already getting.

Meanwhile, other people should feel free to continue using this absolutely mainstream word.

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It’s not that deep!

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 22/09/2025 21:54

Mydadsbirthday · 22/09/2025 21:41

I accept it's a normal thing to say but I'm with the OP. I can't bear the word "meal". It makes me feel sick.

If hearing the word ‘meal’ makes you feel sick, you need professional help, which hopefully you are already getting.

Meanwhile, other people should feel free to continue using this absolutely mainstream word.

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 22/09/2025 21:54

"Meal" is fine and normal, but I'm fascinated that it gives people the ick.

"Picky bits" people will be first against the wall come the revolution though. Anyone saying it is B extremely U.

DeepRubySwan · 22/09/2025 21:54

What's a meal? If you don't know the answer to that I'm worried about you.

CoastalCalm · 22/09/2025 21:53

Would you find out to dinner weird ? Same thing

HoskinsChoice · 22/09/2025 21:53

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 21:02

Yeah I agree too but also can’t really verbalise why.

Would you like to go for dinner/lunch/a meal? Fine.

Take you out for… Sounds a bit eurgh to me. I don’t need to be ‘taken out’ or treated.

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Definitely this! I hate the concept of 'being taken out', we have moved on from that surely. It makes my skin crawl.

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 21:53

gannett · 22/09/2025 21:27

If you're going to have a reaction of visceral disgust to perfectly normal words that don't actually indicate anything amiss with someone's character, you should at least be articulate enough yourself to explain why. "A bit eurgh" is less acceptable than "can I take you out".

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Ok.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2025 21:53

123dontcomeatme · 22/09/2025 21:03

Op, I agree with you.

I think it's quite old fashioned language that is dated. Depending on your ages it would weird me out even more.

No one under 40 talks like that, but then I also get the ick when men talk about enjoying watching box sets like it's 2002.

Old , stuck in the past and I take as a sign we are not a match.

My dd is 17. The 18 yo boy she’s recently started seeing took her out for a meal (he may have said ‘something to eat’, not sure) and has asked her when he can take her out again. In her age group, the guys apparently pay for everything…

Abracadabra12345 · 22/09/2025 21:51

Mydadsbirthday · 22/09/2025 21:41

I accept it's a normal thing to say but I'm with the OP. I can't bear the word "meal". It makes me feel sick.

But why?

Galatine · 22/09/2025 21:51

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 22/09/2025 20:19

Yeah, utterly bizarre phrase. Block and end all contact. Maybe write to your local MP too, needs to be raised in Parliament.

Log this with the Police on 101!! This man needs locking up as a danger to women.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 22/09/2025 21:51

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 22/09/2025 21:45

"Going out for a meal" and "picky bits" are all very normal phrases round here. Are you from the south east by any chance OP?

They are normal phases in the South East of England.