Tried three places for lunch today and none cater for women

Such a good point. I work with disabled people, and you really do have to meticulously plan absolutely every outing. People don't always realise how inaccessible a lot of places are. Even places that seem accessible don't always have the right space to turn in the toilet, or have lips that wheelchairs can't get over. I can imagine it must be exhausting having to call ahead to every single place you go, and not being able to just "have a wander" around and find somewhere you fancy.

I have a friend with several food allergies and it's bad enough trying to find somewhere to go for lunch with her to somewhere that can cater.
Being disabled is exhausting enough and I do wish places were more accommodating.

The only time I think it's difficult is where a building can't (or can't easily) be changed to be made accessible, but when new places open it's got to be a consideration. You have my sympathy and although the analogy is a bit strange, it does make you think.

This is a great and powerful analogy. I don’t really understand why people are finding it confusing.
I’m sorry that able-bodied (sorry if that’s not the right term) is the default. Public places should be accessible to everyone.

YABU - it is not clear what point you are trying to make.

I was baffled till you explained OP. But it's really shit that that happened to you.

I thought it was a very clever way too illustrate the issue, op.
The way disabled people are treated in society, is absolutely awful.
I dont go to town or to eat ever now, I'm not disabled but I can't get my pram into most places in town without help. We can't even fit on some pavements. Noone so much as holds a door. Every trip I think how horrendous it must be to face these issues as a disabled person

YABU for the weird comparison which doesn't really work.

YANBU for the principle; I work with a wheelchair user and have been horrified by the barriers faced for team lunches etc. A venue is only ever booked following a phone call, and questions include needing to check that their disabled loo is actually in their premises (after one booking where colleagues was told the accessible loo was over the road in another pub...).

Also booked one place and confirmed the day before about accessibility requirements only to find on arrival that we'd been given an upstairs table (no lift). Cue them moving a whole load of diners about to give us the accessible table we'd booked and confirmed.

And that's before even starting on public transport issues.... working closely with a wheelchair user has been a total eye opener. I'd had no idea what madness it is in this day and age, had genuinely assumed this kind of stuff was a thing of the past.

Lots of women on here dont have to imagine it as we lived it.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/videos/cg66lv5lekko

People without mobility issues have to phone ahead (if eating in my case).

I check, because I dont want to waste my time, why would I.

Not everyone, can access or do everything. It doesnt exist in life.

I completely agree with this 👏

I think your thread is really clever and it made me empathise a lot better actually. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, places should be more accessible.

Old buildings just don't have the space or structure to be adapted most of the time. I find I have no difficulty in more modern buildings. If I'm not sure I call first - some places have made adaptations to accommodate me as you don't know until you ask.

100% of humans will experience disability either temporarily or permanently if they live long enough. Those who don't are those who die before they get old enough for that to happen.

OP already made the point that these were not listed buildings.

If a venue is big enough to be a cafe, restaurant or pub, then it should be wheelchair accessible - if its not, it isn't a suitable venue in the first place.

I think this is a good example of how reasonable adjustments cannot always be made despite an apparently 'modern' bhilding

Was it built in the 80s?

The bit of the shop that is inaccessible, simply cant be made accessible. Theres no way to put a lift in for that bit and you cant get to the bit of that shop from the top of the overall shopping mall using their lifts.

A building doesnt have to be listed to be inaccessible and for there to be no remedy

I suppose technically the remedy here is to close the bookshop section of the store. Then the whole of HMV is accessible, complying with the law.

:-). That's brilliant!

You say that, but I lived on a large Japanese island where there are American military bases, thirty years ago, and "all you can eat and drink" restaurants were a very common thing - most had "no foreigners" or "Japanese only" signs up, as did a lot of bars and clubs. They also had perfectly reasonable explanations - foreigners eat more and they can't make a profit (the all you can eat places) and foreigners cause trouble ... They'd often make an exception for my friend and I as we spoke basic Japanese and were women... and always made an exception when we were with Japanese friends and no foreign men in the group...

Does that make "no foreigners" signs okay?

I understood it on first read op, it wasn't so difficult.

Why do you need to give chair measurements, and double check on the day?

It’s just not possible to make all places accessible for every single person.

It’s really not a hardship to check ahead, and prevents OP from wasting her time and energy as she did today.

It really wasn’t. Sorry.

Well perhaps your analogy would make more sense if 50% of the potential customers were disabled!

As a pp has pointed out, not every building can be wheelchair accessible for umpteen valid reasons. It's unfortunate but there it is.

I don't understand why you wouldn't research suitable venues before you set out.

It's rather sounds like you are setting out to prove some kind of point.

For us it is not many places having full changing areas for disabled people. Nappy changing areas built for babies and toddlers are useless when you need to change a large 9 year old. I can understand that in some cases, there simply just isn't enough room with some buildings.

Other places might be ground floor but have steps and no option for wheelchair users to enter.

This seems likely! 🤣

In vast countries like the US, where real estate is equally vast and restaurants spacious, there's no excuse.

Unfortunately in the UK, most of the housing stock is old and so expensive that restaurants, which are very hard to run at a profit, have to make do with available options.
Nearly all high street cafes are tiny, often in victorian commercial spaces that can't be altered without losing half of the already minute square footage.
Since rebuilding the whole country isn't an option, I'm not sure what can be done.

I had noticed the problem as often there is no changing space for babies which means doing it on your lap in a cramped cubicle - but at least it's possible. I realise it's really hard for those who need accessible premises.

I got it, but I am also disabled.

Unfortunately its gone over the heads of many, who believe that having to ring and check with measurements of your chair, book the day before, double check again the day you want to do the thing, take a friend with you to help...still means it's accessible.

If I can't show up without a pre-booked, pre-arranged visit, without a friend to assist... it isn't accessible.

You're spot on that if various places denied access based on not having a penis, vs not having usable functional legs, there would be outrage and riots in the streets.

But it seems it is still acceptable for modern transport and modern buildings - trains, train stations, shops, restaurants, hospitals, dentists, opticians... to not be accessible.

And the number of people willing to voice an opinion that we should shut up and put up, and that we're all just out to find something to moan about is growing daily.

Speaking as the Mum of a disabled child I do get it’s tough and the extra planning for everything can be a pain!

BUT there does also need to be a realistic expectation and understanding that not all buildings can be made fully accessible even with best will in the world. New builds should of course be accessible but we can’t go back in time to change every older building, some can be altered retrospectively which is great but for others it simply isn’t feasible.