Invited to an event, but one person is excluded

Did you introduced her to the group and therefore feel more responsible? If not, you are just going to an event you have been invited to. It's not up to you to make changes to who's invited or not.

Your DH is saying you shouldn’t take sides but then immediately suggests you take Ann’s side by not going if Ann isn’t invited?!?!

One person should tell her. Ideally the person who issued the invitation without her.

Nominate one person to say to her that her behaviour is getting out of hand and she is at real risk of being alienated from the group. That’s better than all organising events without her. Either way, you should go as why should you miss out too.

No, I think one person has to do it. The person not inviting her woujld be the obvious person.

This.

Go to the event. You haven't excluded Ann, you are simply going to an event that you have been invited to and she has not. You're not responsible for Ann. It's not like you are the one making the arrangements and deciding who goes and who doesn't.

I don’t think it’s taking sides as you may not have known she wasn’t invited.

The friend who had arranged it may get the brunt of Anne and then them falling out could cause the rest of you issues but you all just say you’re staying out of it.

Wouldn’t happen in real life? Can you possibly be serious?

You say people.have challenged her but the penny hasn't dropped.

The penny shouldn't have to drop. You need to be clear with her.

I'm a bit torn on this because I absolutely don't think you should include someone who no one wants there.

But equally, I think you need to be honest with her and tell her why she isn't being invited rather than just plan to go somewhere without her.

Your all need to be honest with yourselves and take responsibility for your decisions. What's the plan otherwise? Just ignore her?

ETA: I agree that you should go but you're all going to feel shitty about it if she finds out and confronts you about it. And it won't be pretty.

This. You’ve been invited, whether someone else has or has not been invited is not your battle.

You should definitely go - otherwise it looks like you’re siding with Ann and support her behaviour. If it’s been pointed out and she’s chosen to ignore then it’s on her. Life is too short for friends like this.

Your DH shouldn’t be getting involved. Though I can imagine my DH saying something similar. Such a people pleaser..

Go

You haven't issued/not issued the invitation. Another friend has invited you to which you decide whether you go or not. It isn't for you to respond I will only come if you invite Ann or Uncle Tom Cobley. Your DH is a weird to get involved (or shagging Ann 🤪🤣) - take your pick!

How come? Unless she’s incredibly thick??

Has anyone talked to Ann about her behaviour? I know it feels like it should be obvious and she should know what she’s doing but maybe she doesn’t.

I think if it’s got to the point when Ann is pissing enough people off to be left out, someone might as well be honest and tell her why.

Either way, go to the event. Don't screw your own social life for a cheeky fucker who probably wouldn’t do the same for you.

I am not sure that Ann will know - I have seen some really bad acting out by people who are amazed when confronted about it. Either way, unless it is directly addressed with Ann, I do think its a bit unfair and immature, however hard the conversation is. But since this is not OPs event, I dont think it is her place to have that conversation.

Had nobody challenged her on any of it? She must be aware that she’s getting on people’s nerves?

Ann, has ruffled feathers by causing issues with social arrangements

• blatant freeloading

Is there a difference in income between you all? Who decides where you go and what you do? What does Ann do?

• being difficult with hospitality staff when we’re out

What does she do? Is she objectively difficult, or does she just make requests that you wouldn't?

• sometimes insisting on bringing her toddler along

• last week said something very antagonist to a fellow member of our group

I think it's worth working out if she's completely unreasonable, or just not in sync with the rest of you.

It’s not your event and you are not choosing who to invite. Get involved would mean you were involved in the decision making. You are not being rude to Ann or causing trouble your just attending an event

Go out with your friends, and your DH can take Ann out

In all honesty if she’s pissing you off too then carry on with the others, otherwise you’ll find yourself cut out too of what is a good friendship and you’ll be seeing a whole lot more of Ann! If Ann asks the perhaps tell her that her behaviour has people’s backs up - she can suck it up or do something f about her dreadful ways IMO

Ann probably already knows her behaviour isn't acceptable and the fact she deliberately said something to antagonise another member of the group strongly suggests speaking to her won't do anything to resolve the issue.