To be hesitant to invite my sons bully?

I’d invite him and use it as an opportunity to mend bridges. They are only 6 and can act out for all sorts of reasons. Be a chance to speak with the mum and monitor behaviour ‘on your turf’.

Are the school actually doing anything to stop this bullying at all?!

A birthday party is meant to be about having fun with friends not worrying about the one kid who is gonna hit everyone and wreck the place no if the kid is nasty you do not invite him common sense sod being PC about it what's more important your kid enjoying their party or you being politically correct

You think an invite to a soft play is going to stop a bully bullying?

It's completely fine - you have a limited guest list because of cost and 15 aren't invited on this occasion. That's life isn't it. You didn't invite this particular child - and whether they are a boy or a girl is really irrelevant - based on previous, recent behaviour. And that's completely fine. Stick to your guns.

Well that's not exactly OP and her sons problem.

He probably will either way which is why he shouldn't be invited.

No sorry I meant the one child, I only put boy to clarify. There's maybe 1-2 other boys I haven't invited as they aren't close to my son and hadn't seen them to invite them anyway and couldn't afford all. But I feel bad as he the bully is friends with 1 or 2 coming who are talking about the party. as are the rest going. I could hear them in the playground at school drop/pick up.

That's an absolutely fine scenario then. He's not invited.

If needs be tell your DS to say "my mum says I can't change who is invited".

I took a lot of "my mum said" flack for one of my DDs who was in a very difficult class until she was confident enough to stand up for what she wanted and not need to deflect blame to me.

If you're worried that he'll go back to bullying after the party, he almost certainly will if he's not invited.

THIS

Meh, the natural consequence of punching someone in the face (and then continuing to bully them) is that you don't get invited to their party. Perhaps controversially, I'd still hold that view if it's an otherwise all class party. Though in that instance I wouldn't have an all class party to ensure no pressure to invite the bully.

It’s hard OP on one hand I think tough the little shit, but like you said he is only 5, I always worry if there’s something else going on is that why he is lashing out. I’d maybe do what a PP poster said and make sure one of the parents stays, be honest with the parents as to why and if they choose not to bring their son its on them.

Because there are some right weirdos on MN

Don't invite him.
It's not a full class party and you are only inviting friends. This child isn't a friend.

It doesnt matter if this kid in the only kid in whole school who isn't invited! He isn't invited because he is a bully who has hurt the op's child!! Why on earth should he be there?

As adults, we wouldnt invite people to our birthday parties if they'd physically violent towards us so I dont see why a 5yo needs to put up with that or why the op needs to actually spend money on said bully! Fuck that!

Only on here do you invite the bully. In RL, no one does this. Even if he was the only boy, I would not have invited anyone who punched my child.

He might only be 5, but he has physically hurt and bullied the OPs son repeatedly, and now tried to push his way into a party by bullying again. That behaviour isn't to be encouraged and rewarded. If I found out my 5 year old was behaving that way, I wouldn't allow him to go even if invited. It's hardly a good lesson about how we treat people and get what we want is it?
Not a chance in hell I'd invite him to potentially ruin a special occasion. He's not friends with your son and makes his life difficult. Don't put him first.
My two (now adults) were definitely not invited to every single party (despite not being bullies) and I never gave it a second thought. It's completely normal.

No don't invite him. It's your son's birthday, don't let that boy ruin it.

No, it isn't.

It sounds like about 10 children aren't invited.

Its not a whole class party, the OP is clarifying that it's not just one boy who isn't invited

It really isn't.
The kid is mean to your son, why would you invite him? How would your son feel?

Its saying to the bully that his actions have no consequences

I think this is an important lesson tbh, around boundaries, and self-respect. It's fine, it's preferable, and absolutely okay, to prioritise your son's safety and wellbeing over the feelings of a child that has bullied him. I would let your son know that this boy isn't invited because he isn't very kind to your son, and if he starts being nice maybe he'll be invited next year. But make sure your kid knows you have his back.

He's little but he will receive a message if you insist on inviting a child that has hurt him to his celebration. I would be broken to see my child fearful or worried at his party because someone like that was there.

The other boy's behaviour and response isn't your problem, and if his parents are bold enough to ask why he wasn't invited you can tell them. Decent parents would want to know.

I made this mistake and after spending nearly £800 on ds's birthday, all he remembers is being punched in the face by his bully.

Do not invite the child, shitty behaviour deserves consequences and its not your place to fulfill this child's needs, it is your job to keep your child happy and safe!