DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

You’re saying they don’t stretch themselves.

we simply don’t know if that’s true because OP has been so judgmental

You’re totally missing my point. Where have i said that going clubbing is the key to fulfilment and success?

Well there is plenty of evidence that codependency is not a great thing mentally, psychologically or emotionally.

i have no idea if they are or they aren’t but in principle I think it’s fair to say that this is a risk if you do nothing but dog walks together, eating out together and holidays doing more dog walking together.

the op may be missing loads of details about their wide set of interests and social connections in which case I agree with you but I don’t think having a job disproves any of the above.

But OP hasn’t said what they do professionally.

You absolutely can have a good life without doing what OP seems to think you need to - clubbing, drinking and travelling all over the world.

And also in my ds case, total familiarity and comfort would be staying in his room reading and gaming and not meeting anyone. Also watching all his lectures on catch up. Can we agree that this level of comfort and familiarity is probably not very good for his overall wellbeing?

Plenty of people are married at 27. I don't know what all this concern about them being "enmeshed" is?

But if you don’t try a variety of things you can’t possibly know what makes a good life.

I would love to not have to challenge myself professionally and personally but those are the times I’ve had the lightbulb moments - made the mistakes that have made me better at things, felt the failures and the reward of the successes. I am currently hiding from a professional speaking engagement that I know would bring enormous rewards and loads more clients - I also know I’ll do it and it will be massively uncomfortable and I’ll be glad I have done it.

I think it’s the philosophy of taking risks vs being totally risk averse - however that looks. I’d also worry about a level of codependency if they are so enmeshed with each other and their hobbies and not conducting independent lives. That may not be the case at all but I wonder if that’s what the op is slightly getting at?

Maybe they're challenging themselves on the holiday? Maybe they're going up Mam Tor, climbing Kinder Scout, going down the Blue John Caverns.
I don't know, nor does anyone else. A lot of assumptions are being made that this couple are somehow inadequate.

you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable to have a good life.

I am loving the contributions of @ScarlettOYara and @Anonymous07200408

See I think you do, a bit, have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to have a good life. Uncomfortable in the right way. My earlier posts perhaps conflated the "getting out and about" style of pushing your comfort zone with the broader philosophy, but I reckon it's this.

Life needs a mix of familiarity and rest, and challenge and stretch. What those things look like are different for all of us, and they wax and wane at different life stages- but if we're honest we all know in our hearts whether or not we are accepting the challenge.

They sound lovely! Good on them doing what they enjoy

Also remember these days everyone has a phone with a camera. Those drunken antics you got up to 30/40 years ago were safe little stories a friend might tell.

Today they are videos and pictures posted online for the world to see. To follow you around when people search you up. You can become an overnight embarrassing star. Lot of younger people are avoiding situations to make sure to they don’t get their 5 minutes of fame yet embarrassing for life stories.

But would you honestly find them more interesting if they were passionate about getting drunk and clubbing??

I wouldn’t. There’s nothing worse than having to listen to the “hilarious” weekend stories of people who go out clubbing.

Currently at work and the 30 year olds are talking about how they went out and hid salt shakers in one friend’s purse…. Neither interesting or amusing to sober people not there.

What Is so great about drinking alcohol and going clubbing, where it’s so loud you can’t have a proper conversation so the whole purpose is to drink more alcohol, dance and have “crazy antics” revolving around doing stupid shit because you’re drink, getting some guy’s attention (usually meaning sex).

I hated clubbing when I was young and was so relieved when I got old enough it was socially acceptable to not like clubbing.

Be proud of your daughter that she wants something more out of life than drinking and clubbing.

How do you know?
Plus, how is this judged?

But again, you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable to have a good life.

Yeah, my dd and bf cook, garden, go to markets, have board game nights. If they go out itswith friends to local bars for beers. They do travel a lot though and she's partial to a festival. They are happy though.

@Anonymous07200408
find what he does like rather than leaning into total familiarity and comfort

It’s this ^
Nothing to do with clubbing specifically, it’s that they’re not pushing themselves beyond comfy at all.

This is just about personality differences surely?

I'm the same age as your daughter and sound very similar (though I'm a SAHM to two preschool age children) - I've never gone out drinking, I like being at home or local days out for walks/museums/historical places, I cross stitch in the evenings, UK holidays. This is what I always wanted - to settle down, have stability. Some people would hate my life, some people would want it. Neither is right or wrong?

Sounds a pretty ideal relationship to me - I'd love that! They're still plenty young enough to travel and everything else if they want to, but if they don't, what does it matter to you? Life is exhausting for young people - long hours at uninspiring jobs, poor wages, etc. If they just want a quiet life at weekends, that's no bad thing. Everyone's different and if she's happy, you should be happy for her.

Butt out and stop reliving your prime through your daughter.

Absolutely - I’m using that example for balance (I didn’t enjoy it either but I’m using it as a metaphor for doing things occasionally outside of our comfort zone - if you don’t experience something you won’t know).

I do think there is a big problem with the curated instagram feeds of (usually always) women playing the homesteader. They are often privileged to have family money or a partner who earns enough for them not to have to work (or just be content creators and influencers) which is unattainable to most and can induce huge guilt in those not managing to dedicate a day to wearing gorgeous hand knitted clothes, foraging in hedgerows and making cakes with the spoils. I love them in my feed because I love the aesthetic but I do worry for younger women.

I say all of this as a mother to a 19yr old ds who would rather poke out his eyeballs than go clubbing (currently on freshers week) and that’s totally fine! I am still encouraging him to get out and about and find what he does like rather than leaning into total familiarity and comfort.

I can kind of see where OP is coming from. Granted it was different when we were growing up and that was more of the culture we were in. But they’re 27 and could be taking advantage of having no responsibilities or restrictions. Once you get a mortgage and have children things become exponentially more difficult and more expensive. I think I’d want my kids to be exploring more at that point in life. Find things they feel passionate about, learn about different cultures and then if they want to be homebody’s great they’ve made an informed choice.
My nephew and his girlfriend are like OPs daughter and I genuinely find them quite dull and closed minded. Perfectly pleasant but they’re not particularly passionate about anything. They live a nice life doing nice things in a nice place, and for them that’s enough.

Having said that I do agree that the op should let them be. Her interventions do not sound like they are going to be supportive and will potentially be laden with judgement.

I think I’d rather make chutney than get drunk. There are a lot of successful Youtube channels with the calm living, being at one with nature type lifestyles. These are young people not seniors. People don’t really want the getting drunk and falling out of clubs lifestyle anymore (outside uni). My son says it’s far too expensive now to go to a club and no one buys rounds, they cost too much.

No, I never claimed to. Only that - in my opinion - they don't seem isolated.
I think the OP has the issues, not the daughter.
In my opinion.

Well tbf you don’t know that either. TBH I’m musing on the bigger picture.