DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

You sound really horrible. They are experiencing the world. Why is walking in the peaks any less interesting than a week in the sun? It's what they enjoy doing. You seem horribly out of touch, they sound like most people I know.

Why is that such a bad thing, what is wrong with them sitting in their cosy bubble ? Do they have jobs out of their home i might have missed it if you have said.

Sounds to me like OP is struggling with her age and that her ‘halcyon’ days are behind her. No one wants an old woman at their disco. She wants to recapture her misspent youth but can’t because her dd isn’t playing ball (or should that be glitterball).

OP didn't get her preferred 'cool' and adventurous daughter like her friend's children so she has come on here to mock her with her ridiculous laughing emojis. OP should feel guilty.

Imagine how hurt her DD would be if she could read her mum's comments about her and her partner. These are the sort of things that people say on here about their friends that they actually don't like very much. This is a mum saying them about her own daughter who sounds really lovely. I find her attitude quite distasteful.

Their doing what they want their both adults doing what they like doing ! If they wanted to go out boozing they would !! Leave them alone and them them do what they like doing ! Drinking culture is long gone ! Both my adult children enjoy doing wholesome stuff ! Wild camping walking my daughter 23 loves garden centres and afternoon tea ! They are both well travelled as well the like adventures and experiences u don’t get that boozing every weekend

@FiddIedeedee When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

So was I, but I don’t think you did it properly. Now 60, my partying youth left me with life-long scarring from sexually-transmitted disease, hearing loss, foot desensitisation and gait deformity, and short-term memory impairment from alcohol withdrawal. But at least the acid flashbacks stopped years ago. Be careful what you wish for.

I think the vitriol was because you seemed to be focusing on clubbing, and that's kind of dated. I can't think of anyone I know who is coupled up who would want to do that, dodging the gropers and holding their hand over their drink all night so no-one can slip you a rape drug. Be happy (and relieved) that your DD has a happy and compatible relationship that doesn't rely on external stimulus to keep it going. If they (they, not you) start to feel stifled or bored then they will take action. In a non vitriolic way, do you think you might be projecting because you are bored?

But rather obviously, some people want to just live in peace. They don’t want the stress of travelling. It doesn’t make them happy. Whether they are 20 or 80.

I am very happy for todays youth that there isn’t the pressure to conform like there was in the 80s. People get to do whatever they want to do. And guess what op, some people don’t like clubbing and travelling.

it always seem to be the people who think they are the most free and liberal, are actually the most closed minded people possible.

if others don’t like exactky the same things they like, they’re doing it wrong and ‘they feel so sad for them.’

The biggest waste of life is spending it doing what other people think you should be doing, not what makes you happy. She sounds like she’s comfortable in her own skin and that’s a great thing to be; some of us never get there.

You sound like Edina from Ab Fab, trying to recapture what you think are your glory days by chivvying her to do things she’s just not into.

Maybe OP you are actually jealous of her?

She's enjoying life and you don't like to see that.

I wonder how enriched your life is now and if you really did enjoy your wild 20s?

OP is complaining that she’s being treated very harshly here and ‘didn’t expect’ the backlash she got but honestly her original message and replies mainly come across as quite immature especially with the constant hysterically crying face emoji when she references her DD and her BFs activities. Directly calling the BF boring as well is a bit much also. She said she got up to ‘all sorts’ as well as clubbing etc in her 20s which implies she wants to see a little rebellion in her daughter without realising what’s staring her directly in the face! I’m sure OP loves her DD but I agree with you I thinks she’s gotten peoples backs up as you say, her mean girl approach.

We were planning our 1st baby at 27. Stopped 'partying' around 24/25. Life much like your dd. Married nearly 30 years now, have lovely kids and dont regret anything.
Let them live their lives how they want

I tried the whole nightclubs and alcohol thing at your daughter's age. Hated it, didn't like alcohol, didn't enjoy the atmosphere, the noise, I was counting the minutes til I could go home. I went several times til I realised I was wasting my time doing something I hated. So wasting your best years can mean very different things to different people.

FGS

What's wrong with doing things you enjoy rather than trying to copy what your Mum enjoyed 30 years ago?

OP- it's you, not her.

They have all their lives to travel and do more 'exciting' things.

Your idea of fun (parties etc) sounds boring and shallow.

Give yourself a good talking to.

1. Stumbling around a city centre drunk in high heels is really old-fashioned and out-of-date now, especially post-uni.
2. A lot of the draw of 20s clubbing is to pull, they are already in a steady relationship.

No. You fear they are not having fun the way you think they should.

This is a YOU problem. 100%

Maybe they'll want to travel when they're older. There's not an age limit on it - just potential limitations of budget and/or health.

More to the point, is OP happy?

Are they happy?

I’m in my late 30s and I haven’t even regretted one bit about not partying all nights in my 20s. I can relate to your DD. I don’t enjoy partying but I do like walking in the countryside, Sunday market, baking and reading in my free time.

This was the nature of my very first relationship and I loved it. It was a quiet and loving relationship and I miss it. I dated someone who had to be on the go all the time, eat out for most meals, meeting up with people, never at home only to sleep. And for me it was draining and it wasn't really "bonding" time. Me and my first BF would make meals together, go on a picnic, have lunch together, take my dog for a walk, or walk around the neighborhood. Nothing crazy, but it made me happy. My DD has the same type of relationship right now and i'm actually jealous of her, wish i could find someone that would be happy doing simple things in life.

Leave her be. If they are happy that's all that matters.

But they ARE living just as they want to do. Your twenties isn't all about drinking and clubbing. Just because you enjoyed that doesn't mean they want to do the same. I think they sound great.

What you can't seem to get OP is that people like different things.

Please don't start making this ageist. You've got this weird mindset based on stereotypes.

The older generation are not always doing what your DD is. Many are travelling and seeing the world on the back of their mortgage-free homes and fat pensions. They are not all sitting knitting.

Your idea of 'fun' is my idea of Hell.

Maybe accept that people are different?

I once saw or read something that explained "it takes all sorts" as basically an evolutionary strategy/outcome. I.e. we have a variation of personalities and tendencies even within family with some being naturally early risers, some night owls, some adventurous and curious (and so may travel and discover new resources and new people to trade with etc), some who are more cautious and stay closer to home (because the adventurous ones have a higher risk of being killed) etc.

Maybe it's just a case of your daughter is different from you rather than just ignorant of opportunities or lazy, and it makes sense that she's with someone who is similar.