DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

… oh, and about a quarter of the extreme-partying friends from my twenties are dead. Mostly of drug and alcohol misuse, misadventure or major organ events.

What do you mean not real ? It is ther life do you want them to have hardship or stressed, what do you do that is so different

Your daughter and her boyfriend sound great. You? Not so much.

My mother is also disappointed with me. Not about partying, I was a wild party animal. But because I 'don't have A MAN'. She herself is unable to survive without one for 5 mins, and thinks that there's something seriously wrong with me for not wanting one. Doesn't understand I'm single by choice and thinks it's because 'no one wants me'.

Any attempts to get the idea that people are different and like different things through her thick skull have proven to be futile. So I don't bother anymore. Really bother to talk to her at all, in fact.

I partied like a champ, oceans of alcohol, all sorts of drugs, sex, raves, the whole shebang. Now in my 30s I travel the world. I have friends and family members who didn't party and don't travel much (or at all), they have lived similar to your DD since early 20s. They're NOT boring, they're great people. We're different, but that's not a bad thing, on the contrary. The world is more interesting when people are not carbon-copies of one another.

I don't understand why her life choices aren't "real". Going on a walking holiday is every bit as "real" as vomiting outside a club in Magaluf, or being high on spliffs on some litter strewn beach.
Let her be. She is who she is. If it matters that much what your friends think, tell them she's taken up bungee jumping or something.

There’s nothing wrong with gaming all day, I don’t condone drugs though.

There's no upper age limit to partying though, is there? There are plenty of bars and clubs that cater to the over 30s should they suddenly feel inclined to start partying later in life.

In reality, that's unlikely, though isn't? It sounds like it's just not their thing. Unless you have reason to believe that your DD's bf is preventing her from living the life she wants to and is coercing her into a homebody lifestyle, YABU. If that's not the case, enjoy sleeping easy and not worrying about what your adult DD is up to!

I just think you sound tone deaf @FiddIedeedee yes, you were once 27, but that doesn’t mean you have any idea what it’s like being that age in 2025. I think a different lifestyle is now romanticised vs what you have experience of.

for example Kim Kardashian was like 27 when she started her reality show. I think for her generation (people 40+ now), sex alcohol and partying was the cool thing to do during that age and settling down was seen as boring.

whereas after 2 decades of that being popular, things swung the other way. I’m in my 20s and the desirable thing is being successful at work, owning your own house, and being more aspirationally higher class I suppose. Clubbing is seen as more chavvy/working class as opposed to country walks and visiting markets which is more desirable. Most 27 year olds are trying to evolve from their clubbing era to their settled down era, so you’re not going to find many actively desiring a wild lifestyle. It’s probably more embarrassing to be seen as wild the older you get today, than it was in previous generations. At the moment, things like home renovations, cooking, exercising and other wholesome/cosy things are in.

really? Huh, because earlier you were calling them boring and using the crylaugh emoji

Is this a reverse?

you sound really awful and judgemental of your dd if it isn’t

I think our generation (I’m 41) was probably the end of a belief that you just have to go out and get drunk to have fun. The reality is there are a couple of generations of functioning alcoholics who have been led to believe that’s the only way to live. There has now been a massive shift to more wholesome lifestyles which the older generations are struggling to understand. Let them be. There is something to be said for being happy and content with the life you’re living without feeling the need to have more or do more.

I think you’re reading too much into an emoji personally.

My own mother told me to live more when I was younger and not to be so tedious, and as luck would have I’m still alive to this day nobody died 🙂 (I’m not mocking you I promise ☺️)

What are you going on about? It what world are garden centres and markets not real life...

What do you consider to be real life?

Because it’s not clubbing either.

I work with a ton of women my age and we all do the same - we love baking, reading, walking.

Wasting their lives by not doing what you want them to do ?

How daft is that ?

If you don't think that you've been horrible, show this thread to your DD and see what she thinks about what you've said about her.

27 isn’t young to settle down and have children.

I had most my partying days in my late teens. Had DD at 20. Partying isn’t for everyone They share mutual interests and from what you say are happy and he treats her well. Can’t really ask for more than that.

Each to their own OP.

I'm sure they are living thier best life and it really is up to them, but what I found surprising is your reaction when someone said she might get pregnant and you said oh god no! What's that all about ? Don't you like her DP or do you think your not ready to be a granny?.

I'm sorry your DD doesn't give you interesting enough updates to share with your friends, OP.

The thing about (repeatedly) calling a person "boring" is that you're making them the object in that sentence. When you say someone is boring you're evaluating their entertainment value and interest to outside parties - the thrill and interest you get when you think about what they're doing, the intriguingness of the anecdotes and updates you get to pass on, the envy or admiration others show when hearing or seeing updates. That phrasing ignores your DD as the subject in her own life story and all of the feelings she experiences while living her life the way she chooses. And that's fitting, because throughout this thread you've shown very little regard for your DD as a unique individual who knows her own mind better than you, or for how her chosen life brings her joy and contentment.

I’m a similar age to your dd and I have a child. Late 20s is very different to early 20s. Most people in their late 20s have settled down and focus on their career and having children etc. Clubbing is for teens and early 20s.

Yeah sorry about the pile on OP, ignore people having weird reactions that are definitely about their own things. I think the "such an old lady" jokes from DD are jokes I hear a lot of young women make! Just acknowledging that they don't quite fit with the image is all/what people think they should be doing. For the record you sound like a good mum to me knowing when to bow out but also wanting a full and interesting life for her.

I will say Castleton in the Peak District is gorgeous, if she's heading that way definitely do a tour of Blue John Cavern! Me and DH had a lovely time there last year, the guide Nigel was a proper laugh x

God I’m glad I’m not your daughter.

im 26, nearly 27, and a perfect evening to me is a nice bath, clean PJs, a book and a comforting Netflix show. Clubbing etc could not interest me less. A decent night out is a minimum of £50 now and I’d rather put that into my travel savings!