DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

My DD is also 27, she and her partner (younger than her) brought a house that needed a lot of work and they are doing most of it themselves. So their weekends involve DIY and they have a hobby that is not really what you you would expect of young people. But they are happy and I'm happy that they're happy. Travelling the world is not for everyone.

But why?

I’d much rather be in a nice hotel somewhere seeing the sights I want to see, than slumming it in a hostel to see what my mum wants me to see.

You have a lovely attitude 😊

Yabvvu. I think they sound lovely and cute as hell! You should be proud they aren’t sheep trying to have the fun they think other people have. Seriously, drinking, sleeping around, dabbling in drugs, wasting money in pretentious pubs and clubs, it’s all horribly overrated and no one enjoys it in any real way, they just think they should.

Jeeez you're a shite human, what did your amazing daughter do to be stuck with you?!

I've got a 3 year old toddler, and would be so happy if my daughter turned out like yours.

You're lucky and blessed, be more grateful!

My DD is like this. She’s a 19 year old student into country music and crochet. She and her sensible accountancy student boyfriend do a sport together and on a Friday night they might go out for a drink (literally a drink - one each). In my day we’d drunk a few bottles of wine or a few vodkas before we’d left the house. Our motto was ‘eating is cheating’! I often describe the two of us as Edwina and Saffy. Still, she’s happy, she’s safe, she’s in love with a boy with prospects (unlike some of the horrors I dragged back to my lair). I can’t complain.

She might not have given her opportunity to experience the world ? She is dissapointed her dd isnt raving in Thailand or whatever.

Well what do they do for jobs and how much spare money do they have?

Most of the young employees where I work in their 20s are taken on holiday by their parents often as couples, weekends away exploring European cities, trips to different states in America. They wouldn't have the cash to do as much.
Can you take them away for a weekend? Mix of family meals and separate time?

Makes perfect sense to save for Japan. You may regret your comments if they go and emigrate (a friend of mine did that with NZ). Why would you not just appreciate that they are here?

I’m a year older than them and lost the interest of clubbing and drinking alcohol at 21. I was a cabin crew until 23 so did my fair share of travelling and got it out of my system young so may be a bit biased.

However I have two friends my age who still lead the party lifestyle and both have expressed their worries than they’ve left the settling down faze too late. They are still single but want children.

On the other hand I was divorced at 24 and have 2 dc so I do often wish I could have a night out! However most evenings I enjoy relaxing and crocheting like your ds gf.

But they are living life to the full! They are enjoying! They are having fun!

Sounds like a sensible girl. I had young dc then and liked the things your dd does

You don't sound very open minded or interesting yourself, perhaps focus on broadening your own horizons before you worry about your daughter?

This has got to be a joke surely? I’ve never partied - can’t think of anything worse than going to a nightclub. In fact, I’ve only ever been to one once and I spent the whole night wishing I could leave! I have no regrets about not ‘living’ as you put it. Not everyone likes the same things. I think clubbing is boring. That’s just my opinion. Maybe just let them decide what they enjoy doing and butt out.

Have you not considered they may not enjoy going out drinking and clubbing? And just because that’s what you enjoyed does not mean they don’t enjoy their hobbies and interests? Does not mean they are not ‘living their life’ but it’s exactly that.. their life not yours.

You brought it up that is why we are here.

I think that's OP's point. She would like her DD to see life outside of their bubble.

You seem to be completely missing the point that they are out enjoying their lives, just with different hobbies than you. Most parents would be delighted their kids aren't binge drinking and have wholesome, chilled weekends

🍿

But that may BE 'fun' for them. Seems to me you don't actually want them to have 'fun', you want them to have what you dictate is 'fun'.

If DD was constantly moaning about her dull life, you'd have a point. If not, assume she's having what is 'fun' for her.

Would you have liked your Mum telling you what 'fun' is and policing how you have it?

She'd be wasting her 20s if she was doing things she didn't want to do to please someone else.

My list gets longer by the day!

You're being very disparaging about this place. If you don't like it, fine. It certainly wouldn't suit me, but - as we keep saying - people are different.
Plus, it's just as much part of the world as anywhere else.

Clubbing isn't really living though is it? It's doing the same thing in an equally filthy club every time and waking up feeling sick. It's a specific generation's idea of a good time. Things have changed a lot and are continuing to change post COVID. Finances are much tighter and most people can't afford alcohol fuelled night's out. Travelling is ridiculously expensive and we better understand the risks associated with cheaper travelling such as dangerous drinks, unsafe accommodation etc. The massive increase in house prices means that many people don't own a home in their 30s so travel is a luxury that many can't afford.

I do think that you've taken a restricted, outdated and somewhat unkind view of your daughter's lifestyle but I agree that socialisation has changed in some worrying ways post COVID. Younger people are retreating from socialising and all forms of dating and communicating are turning online. These trends have been documented and it's associated with increased loneliness and depression. We need to support the younger generation to create meaningful connections have have transformative experiences. Clubbing has no role in that.

What do you think they should be doing? Drinking and going to parties? I’d be so happy if my children grew up and had such a happy, wholesome life with someone who seems so perfect for them…