DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

😂

That would be brilliant 😀!
That would be something for the OP to tell her mates 😂!

I'm 40 and I honestly would have loved that kind of life in my 20's but the time I was young and carefree, drinking and clubbing was encouraged and affordable plus no mobile phones or social media. I have amazing memories most are cringe worthy but they're mines but yeah I'd love my girls to grow up and be "boring" lol

Well, they might be having wild sex parties at swingers clubs and stuff, but they're not telling you 👻

Actually you are taking the piss out of her, if you read back your posts.

She is different to you. She is a different person to you.
All that judgement about “wasting her life” - how would you feel if she turned round and said “Emulate you ? No Thanks, I’ll live my own life.” That’s actually what you’re doing- telling her she’s living her life wrong, or inadequately, and you really should sticking your oar in. There’s no sense that she comments negatively on your life.

I certainly wouldn’t want her life, and it wouldn’t be for me. But that’s fine, she’s an adult and can make her own choices.

It's not how I spent my 20s but it's surely not something that merits intervention?!

I'm a millennial and have observed that my generation was quite hedonistic in their teens and 20s compared to how gen Z seems to be now at the same age (massive generalisation there obviously!)

My mum always used to criticise my life because I wasn’t out getting wasted every weekend. Guess what?! I no longer speak to her. Food for thought 💭

I think the key point you’ve missed here is that what makes your DD happy is not the same as what makes you happy. She’s a very different person to you. You need to take a step back and stop judging her happiness by your standards if that makes sense.

They sound lovely. What on earth were you rather they were doing? Getting drunk or drugged up in clubs? Being sexually promiscuous? They are 27 and sound very happy and like they have a lovely life. Definitely leave them be!

I have to say I found your early posts jarring. If you spend any time on instagram you’ll see that this “homesteading” vibe is very popular with that generation and I do think your haranguing them to be cooler is a bit weird.

This comment about hiding and enabling makes much more sense and I totally understand your concerns here. I have an anxious ds who will always take the easy option - particularly socially - and it is mainly driven by fear of taking risks. I really do think he misses out on so many experiences because he is always leaning into the least threatening and most comfortable option - I find it frustrating. He is on the autistic spectrum though so I understand where it is coming from but it has meant he has always chosen the “safe” friends who don’t challenge him or get his wickedly funny and quite edgy sense of humour.

i also have quite a risk taking hedonistic younger ds which is equally a worry!

Does your daughter know that you think she’s boring? I’d have been so upset if my mum had said that about me. Rather than trying to push her into living the life you’d want if you were her age now, accept that she’s happy, healthy and living the life she wants.

When I was in my 20s I definitely enjoyed the party lifestyle. Today’s 20 somethings generally seem to be a little more health conscious and at times I do think “Boy you’re missing out” but I am totally aware that’s just me wanting to be young again so I can do it all again my way. I’d never judge anyone for their wholesome lifestyle choices

You don't need to worry about her, she's a grown woman living her life to the fullest.

Their life sounds idyllic. It’s never a waste of time if you’re doing something you enjoy.

Also dd1 is away at the moment touring Italy with her dh and her dd. Gd is not even 18 months old and has already been to about 10 countries including Singapore and USA. Perhaps they should save some money but you only live once!

My daughter and her husband (a secondary teacher and an NHS manager) work bloody hard. They did the nightclub stuff as students, but now they have their little hobbies and their dog. Daughter likes to crochet, son in law likes collecting things and gaming. It’s their life! They’ve only just started going abroad ( since they married a year ago)
I wish I’d done half the lovely things ( Ben Nevis, Peak District, Tough Mudder ) they’ve done in their 28 years on earth!! Leave them be; they sound contented.

I mean, your 20’s don’t seem to have made you a more ‘worldly’ person so I don’t really see your logic.

I would be so hurt if my mum had openly disparaged my happiness because it didn't match her personal agenda. You should be relieved that your DD has the confidence and is comfortable enough in her own skin to live her life exactly as she pleases when so many women her age – as these boards prove on a daily basis – are in horrible situations with shitty men. If I were your DD, I would be taking a step back and declining to tell you anything about the life that you have decided is so boring.

Where did you take her @FiddIedeedee?

What many counties did you take her to growing up?

That made me laugh! Dm is in her 80s and has just come back from a 5000 mile road trip in USA (df also in his 80s drove) and they have just booked to go to India next month. They are planning a cruise to Vietnam and Cambodia in January. Last year they went to Alaska and Japan as well as France and Lanzarote (would have done more but db was very ill and died).

Very unreasonable. Their choice. It could be said you wasted your youth. Your choice.
Leave them alone.

Love this for them! A healthy, mature, fulfilling, productive life & relationship! I fear you are now thinking you may have wasted your youth partying so much? Times have changed. If she’s happy it’s literally none of your business!

Maybe they should spend their time moaning about their family on MN instead?

OP, you're getting vitriol because you're presenting your dd as a joke (all the laughing emoji, calling her boring etc). You need to understand that this is NOT a generational thing - every generation has people who have a passion for world travel/nightlife/partying and people who don't. The people who don't get constantly told that they are sad, square etc - its so unpleasant and you should not be doing this to your dd.

You are worried she will regret it later. Well then, she can do it later. Get off her case and be proud of the fine young woman she is.

Are you ashamed of her @FiddIedeedee? Why the mention of Little England and the shire and the fact you “got out”? Why the conversations with your friends comparing your children? Why would you put your daughter up to that?

A lot of judgemental toxicity centres on people needing others to validate their choices by doing the exact same thing as them. But this kind of attitude only exists where that person is not actually happy with the choices they have made - or at least they don’t have the courage of their own convictions. It seems your daughter is happy and so perhaps it is you that is not happy. You’re not trying to protect her from anything or help her in any way, you’re just disappointed with her and her, what, “little” life.