DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

Maybe their favourite dogging spot is in the Peak District?

I jest, but you don't know everything about their lives, you can't.

Young people today don't drink, don't party, they just seem to drink bubble tea. I can't understand it. Their vices must be well-hidden.

She sounds happy though. Fair play to her, she deserves to be left in peace to enjoy her life as she sees fit.

Wtf is wrong with you? Your daughter is happy and settled and very sensible sounding. You on the other hand sound insufferable. They know what they enjoy. Just butt out and get on with your own life

Did your parents approve of the way you spent your 20s?

Have only read the first few pages of comments but think people are treating OP too harshly. Clubbing was just an example and I see what she means. 20s can be an amazing, exciting time (jobs, travel, living with friends, festivals etc, not necessarily booze related) and it’s normal to question if it doesn’t seem to be that way for her DC. However it can also be a fraught, anxious time for some so perhaps a more mellow journey isn’t the worst thing!

I am early 30s and often think the same about my brother early 20s. Seems ‘old before his time’ but he would joke this himself. I think if they are truly happy in this moment there is no danger of them having regrets. Plenty of time for a different life experience if and when they want it.

You’re explaining yourself perfectly, it’s just that most people don’t agree with you.

If you want to retain any sort of relationship with your DD, let her live her life her way, not your way. You sound as though you’re mocking them which isn’t very kind.

I finished clubbing well before 27. And I was pretty wild by most people’s standards. YAB very U

I’m so glad you’re not my mum, even your replies are not nice.

Why do you think that going out drinking is living? That’s not living it’s dying! You are the complete fool here. It’s so frustrating to hear such ann ignorant attitude annd I do like to try and be balanced. Alcohol is a highly toxic dangerous substance annd very damaging to brain and liver. Our culture hooks us in from a young age and many young people get into heavy damaging drinking but thankfully this is starting to change a bit. It’s the cause of many arguments, relationship problems and break ups. You should be proud your daughter is calm and has some lovely peaceful hobbies that don’t involve getting shit faced clubbing and being around drugs which many clubs and festivals are.

I remember doing it myself and wish now I’d didn’t use the time more wisely. It was one reason I didn’t get the top mark in my degree because I was out off my face staying out so late. I luckily made up for it later but I often wonder how my career might have been different had I chosen not to take such a wild path. I think I would have achieved more.

Your daughter is also 27! That’s not that young either in terms of early twenties. I’d expect her to have been well out of clubbing age by 27! - I certainly was and was living with a guy and going on country walks etc. I certainly wasn’t getting shitfaced in a club. I think there is something quite wrong with you to be honest. Give your head a wobble and leave your poor daughter alone to enjoy being an effective adult.

Your DD and her partner is living the life they want. They don't want to live your life. A happy life is not a wasted life.

I'm in my mid 50s and have never gone clubbing or to a pop concert they've never been my idea of fun (I've always been a reading in my pjs type of person ) and guess what I don't feel like I've missed out on anything that was important to me. Stop trying to relive your wild youth through your daughter, let her find her own way of enjoying her life and be thankful that she seems to have found her soul mate.

Partying isn't the same now as it was back in the day - it's too expensive for a start. Imo they would be wasting their time more doing that than they are doing things they actually enjoy. They sound stable and content. Doing things just for the 'experience' rather than the enjoyment is daft.

Yes, I think that's a good point. Young people getting pressured into drinking heavily, or drugs, or lying on the beach in Tenerife or whatever. If it's not for you, that's fine. It sometimes does take a lot of confidence just to be yourself.

That’s exactly what I mean. I fear they are retreating for the chaos in the world into their comfort blanket.

Actually I do think this is more of a thing with this age group than before and not just in the UK. Not all of them of course, but I see it with the children of my friends. They seem so much more 'sensible' than we were but also to have skipped the 'be young and free' stage and skipped straight to settle down. Or they never leave home, citing cost of living, high rents etc as the reason but underlying it is a bit of failure to launch. The world is pretty different for them now, economically, socially, politically and of course the influence and impact of the internet and social media. I think they are very wary and hesitant about it and perhaps don't have the sense of optimisim and confidence young people before them did to just go and take a few risks.

My friends in New Zealand with children this age are a bit puzzled. Travelling has always been a very Kiwi thing. When my friendhip group were in our 20's going travelling for a few years was just what you did (I was quite late to do so and felt really left out!). Especially coming to the UK on the old Working holidaymaker visa or backpacking through Asia. But quite a lot of this age groups don't want to to the traditional "Overseas experience" and live abroad, sofa surf, do all sorts of random jobs and meet new people from all over the world, finding out a bit more about yourself in the process. At best they might go to Australia to get a better paying job but that's the incentive, not living in another culture. I was talking to a Kiwi friend's 25 year old a few weeks ago - he's engaged to a girl he met at uni, they are both living at home and saving up to buy a house after they get married next year. They sound very happy but I was a bit flabbergasted!

Nothing for it but to let your DD get on with it and be encouraging to broaden her horizons if she ever mentions something.

Yes, people are focusing on clubbing and partying, because it is so absurd.

There is no inherent value in clubbing, partying or drinking alcohol. It isn't more fun than being outdoors. In some way it is something old people are nostalgic about.

What like getting pissed is living?

They sound great. One thing I regret is not having had the confidence to be myself when I was younger. I've never been a party person but I just used to be very social to fit in and live up to other people's expectations. So good for this couple who seem to know who they are and what kind of life they want.

Haha me too!!!! What a silly Billy OP is.

OP sounds like my mother when I was growing up.

We don't really talk anymore.

At 27 the clubbing part is over that's for 18 year olds, most people dial down the clubbing by around 25. I remember going to a club at 30 and felt very very old! I had a baby and a house at her age. They do sound like a little old couple but so what, if they both like the same things and she's happy then you should be pleased.

They’re adults and have made the choice for a quieter life! Their life sounds idyllic and if you don’t want a major falling out with them, I’d butt out!

They sound way more like they’ve got it sussed that the 20 somethings that piss away their youth in an alcohol fuelled haze.

They’ll only regret it if they actually want to do that stuff on the first place. Also personally I did more of that kind of stuff 18-22.

Why so judgemental? Your title made it sound like they are eating takeaways and sleeping all day. They are enjoying their own way. And who says you can only go clubbing in your 20s?

Like a lot of pps, I was expecting a horrifying story about stoners in the spare room with no jobs, no qualifications and no clue. Instead, you're telling us about a sweet young couple who love walking, hobbies, baking, reading and their dogs.

I'm probably a little older than you @FiddIedeedee - late Boomer/early Gen X and I grew up at a time when getting totally bladdered and taking risks with dangerous people and lethal substances in nightclubs was so normalised it was almost mandatory. I had an escape clause - a diagnosis of epilepsy at the start of my second year at university (the meds don't mix well with alcohol and a chaotic lifestyle) but what I sampled during my first year was enough to tell me I'd never be at home in that sort of environment anyway. What's more, many of those who were immersed seemed frightened, bored and anything but happy. I met my partner (now DH) at around the time of my diagnosis and we very quickly settled into a routine of study, home-cooked meals, trips to the cinema and theatre. . .we were 20/21 at that stage and settled with jobs and our own flat not long after I graduated. We've moved around the UK a bit and lived in different places but if life hasn't been one long highwire act, I can't say I think we've missed out on much.

Ffs are you seriously complaining that your daughter has different interests to you and actually enjoys spending time with her boyfriend? She probably doesnt need tp spend her time chasing highs as she is actually happy.

I suppose what would worry me is if I thought one of them was restricting the other due to fear of the outside world. A lot of people don't travel or live outside their home area and they're quite happy. Your daughter is different to you, that's all.

I can tell you though that having a child who does like to travel and take risks is absolutely terrifying at times - real raw terror. Be careful what you wish for.