DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

Oooohhhh OP I haven't RTFT because some of the cruel comments make me wince -- so I've only read yours. Sorry you're getting a kicking. I think a lot of PPs have misunderstood what you're worried about.

I'd hate to be young nowadays -- so many pressures and examples to follow. Faced with, say, Bonnie Blue and other "influencers", the "homesteading" fashion trend must feel like a safe harbour in a world that doesn't make sense.

I rushed into marriage in my early 20s because life was, frankly, terrifying, and it seemed my best bet was to follow in traditional footsteps and hope for the best.

It was a terrible marriage. When it ended, I spent my mid to late 40s catching up on all the fun (and "fun") I'd never had when younger. To a really alarming extent, quite honestly. At that stage, anything to me was better than being bored. It was a hectic and challenging few years.

Having gone through all that, my life is now brilliant -- harmonious and happy and settled! I think some of us just live it all the wrong way round.

I voted "YABU" just because I like the sound of her lifestyle. But I am 193 years old!!!!! I do understand your concerns about her gaining more life experience before settling down. But she'll do that when she's ready.

Couldn't agree more. Why read 9 pages of comments saying "They sound lovely! I, too, enjoy walking my dog!". You are one of thr handful of folks who have tried to expand it into a discussion of what constitutes the good life, which is a proper and interesting philosophical undertaking and which is why I've carried on reading and contributing.

I would also suggest that the way some posters respond to any effort to lift a post from the particular to the general is an example of the social problem of narrow mindedness that some of us are highlighting.

Yes everyone enjoys what they enjoy
Oh look X person enjoys X thing
Their mother finds it weird
Yes they can like what they like. That's the first phase of the thread. Done.
Do we leave it there? No, we start asking, why do some people feel irked by X person doing X thing? What wider social currents might be at play? What different experiences do people have, how might different lives bring different benefits? Are there universal learnings to be drawn or is this just one case?

Some of you commenting on this thread are doing the mental equivalent of looking at the same cosy four walls every day and not stretching your brains into interesting realms of abstraction. I don't doubt I'll get more comments saying how arrogant and annoying I am, and how you're just responding, haven't RTFT etc, but honestly please can some of you stop bringing the broader discussion back to this tedious, individual case! We've done OP and her daughter now. Some of us are trying to talk about what makes life worth living and if there are any ideas to be drawn!

I can see both sides of this. On one hand their life sounds blissful and they sound perfectly content with it!
And most of the wild nights out you have on your youth are based on going out on the pull - so if you’ve already found your person, there’s not much point to it unless you particularly love drinking and dancing!

On the other hand, I did all of the above AND went travelling for a year in my early twenties and now I’m in my 40s my life sounds much like theirs now 😂 but I sometimes see adverts for working abroad or on a cruise ship and I wish I’d done EVEN MORE travelling and random interesting short-term jobs before I’d settled down with a mortgage!

I didn’t party in my 20s either - well maybe only a few times at uni, only occasionally, and definitely not after, just never enjoyed it. I’m now in my 30s with family and kids and never once I regretted not going clubbing and drinking.

Are you have a laugh you think being called a cow is harsh but starting up a thread on here to take piss out of your daughter and her partner and laugh at all the things they like to do and call them boring none of that is harsh just you being called a cow. Leave them alone they are happy and living the life that they want. Keep your nose in your business instead of sticking it in to theirs.

Everyone seems so grumpy at the moment, so while I would love most of us these days to be having a blast, I am not seeing a fat lot of evidence of joy. A lifetime of issues due to alcohol? Some assumptions are being made there, methinks. I am not sure we had much money to spend on experiences, and experiences weren't really a thing then like they are now.

As I said, she is happy. I didn't say she wasn't having a blast. I was saying that I did have a blast.

Gosh, haven't written blast so often as this for ages! it's a great word that needs using more often.
Blast!

As someone who partied- went to raves and went clubbing three times a week in my teens and early 20s . Their way is the best way. I got my self in trouble. Now I'm older I do what they do and wish I'd had the confidence to do what I actually enjoy . I go abroad to see the world - go to gigs and don't drink and have the best time - and I'd rather go on a coffee date with Donald trump than go clubbing in some disgusting bar . You should be proud their developing skills and getting outside . Walking is fab

They already appreciate the little things in life - that sets them up for a much more contented life in the future. I was the same at their age, but did enjoy the odd trip to France etc. Why don't you offer to take your DD to Paris for a shopping trip weekend pre-Xmas as an early Christmas present? If she refuses, don't push it any further - I think it's lovely that they are so happy as they are.

You kept saying you'll be quiet / keep your mouth shut, yet didn't

No one likes a liar

You know I sat on it overnight to "examine my conscience" as it were, as to whether I was being aggressive/have a problem/need help. Ultimately, my conscience is clear on this one.

I also thought about why that particular phrase made me feel so prickly, and it is recognising the dynamic of making the conversation stop through personal insults. i.e. you're the one being (passive) aggressive aka The Accusations are Admissions.

But in the substantive issue:

I am really struggling to understand what freedoms (or not) you actually think other adults should be permitted. And I say that as someone who never did drugs, hardly drank, and in my mid fifties is still waiting on my first ONS! But I did go clubbing and partying, and love going "out gallivanting".

Sure drugs waste lives, (those unfortunate enough to be living along its supply chain as much as any consumer) but we as a society accept that adults are allowed to make bad choices that we wouldn't. I personally would describe the life you would have me live as utterly joyless. It is almost certain that you will have had the opportunity to impose that lifestyle on young people - have you ever checked with them as whether they find/found it unnecessarily joyless? It might open an interesting conversation, because I assume that utter joylessnes isn't your goal, and would be unacceptable collateral damage to you.

I fully respect the right of OP's daughter to live her life as she pleases.
Do I think it is admirable in any way? No I don't; I am at best neutral about it.
Do I think it is 'wholesome'? Not convinced, but seems to suit her.
Do I think the "look at me being an old granny" is perhaps a cry for help? Yes
Would I want this lifestyle for my daughters in their twenties? No I wouldn't.
Does not wanting this for my own kids mean I want them to take drugs and drink to unconsciousness? Don't be daft, of course not, because I can recognise there are way more possibilities for living just Granny Squares vs. Vomiting Drunk

I'm 27 (partner is older) and I couldn't think of anything worse than going clubbing nowadays 😂 Pretty sure we'd be the oldest ones there

I think this generation has a very different outlook to ours/mine. My 14 year old nephew asked for a weighted blanket for Christmas. I was doing very different things at that age!

Lots of reasons for the generational change but I think you should just leave them be. They seem happy. It'll only cause conflict and give them something to rebel against if you say anything.

Do you seriously not understand that ppl are different and just bc she’s your daughter doesn’t make her a carbon copy of you. Why would she regret not doing something she doesn’t want to do?

It sounds like you have difficulty with other ppl not thinking the same way as you. It doesn’t mean they are wrong. Learn to accept your way isn’t the only or right way.

Gosh you sound fun!

you're jealous. you want to relive your youth thro DD. well, you had your turn, SHE MAKES HER OWN CHOICES .

I’m introverted with sensory issues. My parents used to insist that I go to mixers (informal dances) at school. In six years, I had fun one single time, which was when my friends and I left the dance floor after forty-five minutes and spent the rest of the time talking in the hallway.

I don’t think you’re necessarily unreasonable to encourage your daughter to travel while it’s easy to do so, but you’re very unreasonable to think that everyone enjoys partying and clubbing.

Morality has absolutely nothing to do with dog walking, clubbing, making furniture, drinking or sex.

These are all morally neutral activities, assuming the pet is not being mistreated, the drinking doesn’t involve putting anyone at risk and the sex is consensual, obviously.

Well the casual racism against “western people” for a start.
And the total lack of nuance of the fact all people are complex and a mixture.

Take that poster- she is obviously moral and wholesome 🤮 for her list of reasons, and yet she is also sanctimonious, judgmental, and authoritarian in her desire to make others live as she would wish them to.

Totes better than you, and totes better than me.

Ooohh I like this! Please, do tell me what makes you a morally superior human being to me?

I really dont know why you are quoting me. Yes I agree a lot of things such as alcohol and smoking have been shown to be carcinogenic, so sensibly the younger generation have learnt from our mistakes. My point was for the first time in history human life expectancy is decreasing. A bit baffled by what you were trying to say. Not being a bitch I genuinely have no clue.

Guarantee if they were out every weekend you would be saying the same thing- ! Pack it in! They could be drinking, doing drugs, not paying bills and living with you! I seriously don't know what your issue is? Or maybe it's more about you than your daughter???

Let's put the obvious aside for one minute - i.e. that they're probably pretty happy with their walking holidays and pub lunches otherwise they wouldn't do them.

Are they short of money so travelling the world isn't really an option? Do they work long hours so time off is more about rest and relaxation than excitement? Are they more career oriented than travel oriented? Are they anxious about doing big adventures/travelling etc and have expressed this to you? Travel is not easy for everyone.

You're projecting what you see as a fulfilling life onto them, and apparently what your friends see. That might be part of the problem... Sounds like you're a bit embarrassed of them.

Unless there's a reason they feel like they can't travel, go out more etc. YABVU and it's time to live and let live.

@atinydropofcherrysherry

what are you on about?? Someone into crafts who spends their weekend crafting is not a better person than someone who spends their weekend clubbing. they are not better or more worthy or more moral or anything like that.
Oh and there is absolutely nothing wrong with casual consensual sex between adults. This is not the 1950’s.

I was going to nightclubs from 16, by 27 id given up. We did occasionally go out drinking for events/birthdays but not every weekend. We did house stuff and mini breaks.

Have you seen how few clubs there even are now, the number is tiny compared to the 90s