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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find midwife appointments a bit useless, and wish I could just switch them to online?

116 replies

OneCheeryPinkCat · 22/09/2025 15:13

I think I just need a little rant. Other than the booking appointment (bloods taken), midwife appointments feel a little useless to me and I just really wish I could at least move them online, which my trust doesn't offer.

I can do my own urine dip test and take a blood pressure reading without wasting 90 minutes of my day (and more frequent readings = more likely to spot issues). I'm perfectly capable to read the guidance and research on things like vitamin K; travelling around the city "for a chat" about these things with someone who attended a lecture on this once, years ago, and now 90% of the time just regurgitates what is written on the NHS website really isn't of much help to me. Supplements always seem to be handed out too late, if needed, too.

Oh, and of course I can only get an appointment on Wednesday. No other day, even if I change midwife - I could travel 60 minutes one-way for an equally inconvenient Thursday appointment. But no availability on my weekday off. I like work, I don't actually want to take time off, and it is the kind of job where I just end up making up time later that day. I live in a big city, this isn't a dreamy rural town with just one midwife, there should be more than one day with availability.

Ended up scheduling vaccines at my GP, as otherwise I'd have even more inconveniently scheduled appointments. Obviously, in-person should be offered for people who want it but why on earth do some trusts insist on in-person only?! I seriously considered cancelling my 16 week appointment but went, because it was a massive gate-keeping exercise (i.e. I needed an update on my test results and consultant appointments....which could, and should have been, posted or emailed). Absolutely nothing happened that could not have been done online, it was a complete waste of my time.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/09/2025 15:29

Honestly, "safeguarding" of other women repeatedly being used as excuse for decisions like this has made me increasingly less sympathetic towards other women during this pregnancy.

OMG

Mondaystorm · 22/09/2025 15:29

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 22/09/2025 15:24

It’s not free. We all pay for the NHS.

Show quote history

Oh please, do you have any idea how much private healthcare maternity services are?

Check your privilege 🙄

SparkyBlue · 22/09/2025 15:28

Yabvvu and I’m normally a very relaxed person but in person appointments are important as everything is fine until suddenly it isn’t. Midwives and Drs have seen hundreds if not thousands of women and they can pick up on little issues that turn into bigger issues. And hopefully OP your pregnancy will be plain sailing with no issues and you will be one of the lucky ones who needs zero medical intervention but remember others aren’t so lucky.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/09/2025 15:28

Thank you so much. (Not)

I'm a retired midwife. What an insult to my profession.

Are you capable of assessing your baby's health in utero? Midwives are.

As for taking your own blood pressure - I remember a lady, way back in 1980, who refused to come for ante-natal care. She got her DH to take her BP.

However, he didn't spot the signs of fulminating pre-eclampsia. His wife had a stroke, several fits, and almost died. This was at 28 weeks. I'm sorry to say that the baby did die.

YABU. VVVVU.

Original poster
OneCheeryPinkCat · 22/09/2025 15:28

I'm having an elective c-section, so long discussions about position and birth options really aren't that relevant to me. Most of their monitoring are things you can pick up at home And anyone can get a blood pressure monitor validated at a pharmacy, it is hardly rocket science. Ironically, my midwife couldn't get a reading for me, despite trying four times, while I got one instantly.

Honestly, "safeguarding" of other women repeatedly being used as excuse for decisions like this has made me increasingly less sympathetic towards other women during this pregnancy. Yes, we need safeguards but all within reason - make the appointments requiring blood tests in-person and give us an online option for others (as other trusts do). And vaccines, scans, etc, are in-person anyway, plenty of time to check in with vulnerable women.

OP posts:
HelpMeUnpickThis · 22/09/2025 15:28

OneCheeryPinkCat · 22/09/2025 15:13

I think I just need a little rant. Other than the booking appointment (bloods taken), midwife appointments feel a little useless to me and I just really wish I could at least move them online, which my trust doesn't offer.

I can do my own urine dip test and take a blood pressure reading without wasting 90 minutes of my day (and more frequent readings = more likely to spot issues). I'm perfectly capable to read the guidance and research on things like vitamin K; travelling around the city "for a chat" about these things with someone who attended a lecture on this once, years ago, and now 90% of the time just regurgitates what is written on the NHS website really isn't of much help to me. Supplements always seem to be handed out too late, if needed, too.

Oh, and of course I can only get an appointment on Wednesday. No other day, even if I change midwife - I could travel 60 minutes one-way for an equally inconvenient Thursday appointment. But no availability on my weekday off. I like work, I don't actually want to take time off, and it is the kind of job where I just end up making up time later that day. I live in a big city, this isn't a dreamy rural town with just one midwife, there should be more than one day with availability.

Ended up scheduling vaccines at my GP, as otherwise I'd have even more inconveniently scheduled appointments. Obviously, in-person should be offered for people who want it but why on earth do some trusts insist on in-person only?! I seriously considered cancelling my 16 week appointment but went, because it was a massive gate-keeping exercise (i.e. I needed an update on my test results and consultant appointments....which could, and should have been, posted or emailed). Absolutely nothing happened that could not have been done online, it was a complete waste of my time.

YABVU

Not everyone has a healthy pregnancy and a positive outcome.

The checks are there for a reason. Maybe read posts from some of us who have had losses.

I would have gone there every day if it would have saved my baby.

YABVVVU and ungrateful.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 22/09/2025 15:24

Longingdreamer · 22/09/2025 15:18

Yabu.

You are complaining about having free access to safe maternity care.

The hospital cannot validate the readings that you are taking at home. Some blood pressure monitors are very inaccurate, and you will not have had training on how to read a urine dipstick unless you are a medical professional. (In which case that is very important information which you have excluded from your OP).

You will also have further bloods at your 28 appointment as a minimum.

In person appointments are also important for safeguarding.

It’s not free. We all pay for the NHS.

Purplemoon16 · 22/09/2025 15:22

Yes YABU, perhaps it feels pointless at 16 weeks but it won’t later on. It was my midwife measuring my bump who picked up that my son had FGR and needed to be born early.

DarkPassenger1 · 22/09/2025 15:22

They want sight of you because it can help them spot issues with you, not just the baby. They can notice depressed mood, self-neglect, a controlling partner that refuses to leave the clinic room. Remote appts are much harder as you can't ensure privacy/confidentiality in the same way, or see as much about the patient. Reluctance to engage in pregnancy care can be a pink flag for safety concerns. I get that it isn't convenient for you but the system is the way it is because it's crucial for other women worse off than you. Surely unless you're having a high risk pregnancy you're not really going in for that many?

I remember one around 14wk ish, where I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. How can they check that remotely? And medics won't trust your at-home blood pressure and urine dip test. The vast majority of women don't have access to at home testing like this. Even if they do, professionals can only really trust ones they've done themselves as user error by non-medical trained people is so common. Hopefully this gives you some insight.

Mondaystorm · 22/09/2025 15:22

You need to take them seriously.

Everything is fine until it isn't. So many things can need emergency intervention out of the blue.

The appointment is about the health of the baby as much as it is about you. They cannot effectively monitor either of you via a remote appointment.

Gently, give your head a little wobble and be thankful you are getting free maternity care. So many women are not so lucky.

CandidRaven · 22/09/2025 15:20

Be thankful you have access to free medical care, I had to attend appointments every 2 weeks because of issues I had that would not have been picked up if I had your attitude of it being a "waste of time"

WallaceinAnderland · 22/09/2025 15:20

Women are more at risk of domestic violence when pregnant so it's a safeguarding measure to see them in person if possible.

Wobblestick · 22/09/2025 15:20

Yes, if course, it's all a complete waste of time while everything's going well and until they spot something important.

Longingdreamer · 22/09/2025 15:19

Your later appointments will also include listening in to your baby, and abdominal palpation and measurements.

Longingdreamer · 22/09/2025 15:18

Yabu.

You are complaining about having free access to safe maternity care.

The hospital cannot validate the readings that you are taking at home. Some blood pressure monitors are very inaccurate, and you will not have had training on how to read a urine dipstick unless you are a medical professional. (In which case that is very important information which you have excluded from your OP).

You will also have further bloods at your 28 appointment as a minimum.

In person appointments are also important for safeguarding.

Overthebow · 22/09/2025 15:18

It feels like a waste of time until it isn’t. Midwives often pick up the first signs of any problems with you or baby. They are trained in what to look for. At this stage they will listen to babies heartbeat which can pick up issues, they will also make sure you are ok. Later on they will be measuring your bump, checking position and movements, checking you for signs of some of the issues which can occur in later pregnancy, go through birth plans and options, make sure you are ok in yourself which is often best done in person.