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Should I have lied?

164 replies

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:12

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

OP posts:
Mymanyellow · 22/09/2025 16:13

Just tell him to move out. This sidebar with your sister will rectify itself once he’s gone.

hellotomrw · 22/09/2025 16:13

Kick him out say he has 24 hours to take his shit before you change the locks

Hoppinggreen · 22/09/2025 16:13

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:03

Sorry I should have been clear in my post. I tried to edit but can't. I didn't tell him to move out. I assumed breaking up with him will automatically mean he moves out.

Stop assuming things and tell him to leave.
THATS what you need to sort out, not who said what to who and when

diddl · 22/09/2025 16:11

Well if she was deliberately staying up late I would have said good for her tbh!

It's your house & he should get the hint & piss off.

Everyone seems far too concerned about your ex!

noidea69 · 22/09/2025 16:10

change the locks net time he is out.

YodasHairyButt · 22/09/2025 16:07

It sounds like he’s got no intention of going any further than the sofa. You need to tell him to leave. Your sister’s discomfort is the least of your problems.

Luxio · 22/09/2025 16:05

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:03

Sorry I should have been clear in my post. I tried to edit but can't. I didn't tell him to move out. I assumed breaking up with him will automatically mean he moves out.

Well why would he if you've not actually asked him to leave.

Why is it so hard to say to him you need to go.

TwelvePercent · 22/09/2025 16:04

Ignore your sister. Just say 'okay, well he'll be out of our lives in 2 weeks max so don't worry about it'

Then, deal with the fact that your ex doesn't appear to know he doesn't live here anymore.
Tell him clearly that he needs to go by the end of the month.

Honestly, this is very strange.

hydriotaphia · 22/09/2025 16:04

OP, can your sister or someone else you trust support you in getting him out of the house? It sounds like you will need to be firm, give him a date to be gone by and after that time, remove him and his belongings and change the locks. This will be easier if you have someone to stand by you.

KateBushAgain · 22/09/2025 16:04

Well let’s hope one of you kicks him out !
Why are you being so passive ?

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:03

Sorry I should have been clear in my post. I tried to edit but can't. I didn't tell him to move out. I assumed breaking up with him will automatically mean he moves out.

OP posts:
Luxio · 22/09/2025 16:03

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:01

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

Well she's not wrong. He should have been gone weeks ago and you're deflection towards your sister doesn't actually solve the problem at hand.

Be honest and clear say he needs to go and stick with that.

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:01

Littlebitpsycho · 22/09/2025 15:59

Why is this even relevant? Its your house - TELL him to move out!

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

OP posts:
Trabbling · 22/09/2025 16:01

This is bizarre!! You've supposedly broken up with him, but he doesn't seen to realise this 😅

I think you need to be FAR clearer in your style of communication!!

Fruitlips · 22/09/2025 16:00

Op would I be correct in thinking that perhaps you are quite a vulnerable person

BellesAndGraces · 22/09/2025 15:59

You’re deflecting and focussing on what your sister said because that feels like it’s easier to deal with than telling your ex to leave. Your problem actually has nothing to do with your sister. You have broken up with your ex and assumed he would just leave but he hasn’t - so tell him to leave. There won’t be a problem with your sister once he’s gone and a distant memory.

Littlebitpsycho · 22/09/2025 15:59

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:56

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

Why is this even relevant? Its your house - TELL him to move out!

NotToday1l · 22/09/2025 15:58

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:48

I just told him I don't want to be with him anymore. I assumed he will move out cause I didn't think he will still be living here after I told him this. He didn't say give me time to move out. He only said I will sleep in the sofa if that will make you happy

Sounds like he may think the breakup is temporary…..has he been looking for other accommodation, give him a month to find a place

PragmaticIsh · 22/09/2025 15:58

It really doesn't matter about your sister knowing or not, or whether he feels awkward. What matters is that you TELL HIM to move out. Clearly.

Tiswa · 22/09/2025 15:57

if it in your house you do need to get him out

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:57

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

OP posts:
Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:56

persisted · 22/09/2025 15:51

At that point you needed to say ‘you’ve got a week, by next Sunday you need to have sorted something else out’
At the moment he thinks it’s indefinite and has no intention of putting himself out.

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 22/09/2025 15:54

Tell him to move out.
Tell him that he cannot live in your house anymore.

persisted · 22/09/2025 15:51

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:48

I just told him I don't want to be with him anymore. I assumed he will move out cause I didn't think he will still be living here after I told him this. He didn't say give me time to move out. He only said I will sleep in the sofa if that will make you happy

At that point you needed to say ‘you’ve got a week, by next Sunday you need to have sorted something else out’
At the moment he thinks it’s indefinite and has no intention of putting himself out.

Luxio · 22/09/2025 15:50

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:48

I just told him I don't want to be with him anymore. I assumed he will move out cause I didn't think he will still be living here after I told him this. He didn't say give me time to move out. He only said I will sleep in the sofa if that will make you happy

You think he knows and he thinks he has come to a compromise but you need to be explicit.

Tell him you want him gone, give him a date so there's no ambiguity and get on with your life.