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Original poster

Should I have lied?

164 replies

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:12

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

OP posts:
Luxio · 22/09/2025 16:35

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:32

He was here till yesterday. I'm asking because my sister asked me to post and asked for opinions as she thinks she's right for being upset that I put her in an awkward position by telling him and she will still have to see him before she goes back to uni. For example if he comes over to see the kids.

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Why is he coming over to see the kids? You honestly don't seem to understand what it means to break up with someone? It's your house he doesn't need to come into your house ever again now you're no longer together.

I'm guessing your sister thinks as soon as she leaves you'll have him living back in your house.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/09/2025 16:34

He's gone. Change the locks. Tell your sister what's done is done, no point falling out over it.

Original poster
Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:32

Luxio · 22/09/2025 16:21

So he's gone? Is his stuff gone? I'm thoroughly confused by this thread, why ask if he's already left?

Show quote history

He was here till yesterday. I'm asking because my sister asked me to post and asked for opinions as she thinks she's right for being upset that I put her in an awkward position by telling him and she will still have to see him before she goes back to uni. For example if he comes over to see the kids.

OP posts:
squidsin · 22/09/2025 16:30

OP, in the nicest way, you need to grow a pair. It really doesn't matter if you told your sister you've split with your EX. You've split with him. Why do any of you have to pretend that you haven't? All this is doing is making your EX think this is temporary and he doesn't have to go anywhere.

Tell him he's got a week and then he has to be out. Enforce that. And just ignore your sister, she's got nothing to do with anything.

ReplacementBusService · 22/09/2025 16:28

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:20

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

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So.....he is gone? It's all fine then, nobody needs to lie/pretend/don't tell him she knows he knows/whatever? 😵‍💫

BellesAndGraces · 22/09/2025 16:27

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:20

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

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So he’s gone now? If he’s gone, I wouldn’t worry about the argument with your sister. In the grand scheme of things, she will be back at uni soon too and it doesn’t really matter.
If you can afford to, change your locks. And obviously don’t let your ex back in at any point except to collect his belongings.

Original poster
Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:27

BigGra · 22/09/2025 16:16

In the grand scheme of things it’s odd that
you are focusing on your annoyance with your sister and not the fact that your ex boyfriend is sleeping on your sofa and you haven’t told him to leave.
Sister is being really odd and immature.

I'm not annoyed with her. She's annoyed with me for telling him she knows about the break up hence putting her in an awkward position with him.

OP posts:
BrownLycraBottle · 22/09/2025 16:27

You appear to have two people living in your house neither of whom own it but both of whom are telling you what to do.

In addition to which you and your sister appear to have extremely avoidant styles of communication.

Being clear and direct is always better.

1)If he is currently staying with a friend get a locksmith round asap to change the locks. Meanwhile bag up all his stuff.

  1. You sister is being quite odd and silly but if you do 1) above the problem is solved.
ThreeTescoBags · 22/09/2025 16:25

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:57

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

Someone needs to be part of a plot to kick him out - mostly you!

Squeeky112 · 22/09/2025 16:24

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:20

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

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If it is your house, and not his in any way, change the locks NOW and throw his stuff out. If he turns up, don't let him in AT ALL. If he gets arsey about it, call the police. Otherwise he will stay forever.
And reconcile with your sister. This issue isn't about her.

thepariscrimefiles · 22/09/2025 16:22

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:03

Sorry I should have been clear in my post. I tried to edit but can't. I didn't tell him to move out. I assumed breaking up with him will automatically mean he moves out.

You need to explicitly tell him that he needs to move out and give him a date. I doubt that he is even looking for somewhere else to live. As this is your house and you are not married, he has no right to stay.

PullingOutHair123 · 22/09/2025 16:22

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:20

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

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So you have told him to leave, and he is no longer there?

If so, bag up his stuff and change the locks.

My head hurts reading this...

BoredZelda · 22/09/2025 16:21

All very weird. Maybe you should have lied - to him and said, yes she is doing that because you want him out. Maybe that would have made it obvious you want him to leave, since you seem to be finding it difficult to say that directly.

Luxio · 22/09/2025 16:21

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:20

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

Show quote history

So he's gone? Is his stuff gone? I'm thoroughly confused by this thread, why ask if he's already left?

PrestonHood121 · 22/09/2025 16:21

Change the locks on your home.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 22/09/2025 16:20

@Lillylillyflower he's still here quite often, so where does he go when he is not there??? your house, you have split up, he leaves! that is the order of things. you dont feed him, you dont let him shower and you dont keep a roof over his head!!! get rid of him! he is using your good nature

PrestonHood121 · 22/09/2025 16:20

Geezo. Tell him to leave and to sort out his housing himself like an adult.

Original poster
Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:20

Heylittlesongbird · 22/09/2025 16:18

Is your sister in a spare room?

Id be worried he’s waiting for her to go back to Uni and then planning to just move in her room if so.

you need to explicitly tell him he needs to move out.

He said he will stay with his friend till she goes back to uni and come back and stay on the sofa. I just told him he can't come back even after she leaves. He left yesterday.

OP posts:
CharlieEffie · 22/09/2025 16:19

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:03

Sorry I should have been clear in my post. I tried to edit but can't. I didn't tell him to move out. I assumed breaking up with him will automatically mean he moves out.

But clearly that isnt the case. So you need to tell him that you are no longer together and therefore he is not welcome in your house. Clearly if you dont tell him to leave he isnt going to leave

waterrat · 22/09/2025 16:18

This is so peculiar OP

The issue of your sister is second to why you feel unable to be assertive and tell him to leave - are you scared of him?

Do you find it difficult expressing yourself?

Heylittlesongbird · 22/09/2025 16:18

Is your sister in a spare room?

Id be worried he’s waiting for her to go back to Uni and then planning to just move in her room if so.

you need to explicitly tell him he needs to move out.

DashboardConfession · 22/09/2025 16:17

Erm. What are you doing?!

Tell him to leave! I can see why you were together if he doesn't have the social skills to know the fact you no longer have sex means he leaves, not downgrades himself to a lodger, and you would rather cheerily wave him off to work every morning than ask him to move out!

BigGra · 22/09/2025 16:16

In the grand scheme of things it’s odd that
you are focusing on your annoyance with your sister and not the fact that your ex boyfriend is sleeping on your sofa and you haven’t told him to leave.
Sister is being really odd and immature.

ThatCyanCat · 22/09/2025 16:15

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:57

My sister thinks I should have lied to him and said she doesn't know about the break up as telling him she does makes her feel awkward being here. She feels like he might think she's being vindictive by staying up late in the lounge and I have put her in an awkward position as he might think she's part of a plot to kick him out

The point of a plot is that the target doesn't know about it. He does know you want him out, so... what?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 22/09/2025 16:14

You don't need a 'plot' to get him to move out! It's your house, tell him he's not welcome anymore and needs to go!

There should be no doubt in his mind that he needs to leave. You're assuming he's going to leave, without actually saying it. It sounds very much like he thinks you've had a bit of a row and you'll make up. You need to clearly tell him it's over and he needs to leave.