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Should I have lied?

164 replies

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 15:12

I recently broke up with my partner of 10+ years. Despite breaking up and telling him to move out he's still here quite often, he showers here, eats here and has said that he needs to sleep in the sofa until he sorts out accommodation.

My little sister has been staying with me over the summer until she goes back to uni. I obviously told her about our breakup but nothing more. The other day he asked me if I had told her that we had broken up, I said yes. He said he found it weird that she was staying up late considering he needed to sleep in the sofa and asked whether she was doing it on purpose so he couldn't sleep there because I told him I didn't want him staying in the house. I told him that she wasn't and didn't know anything about him staying in the sofa or me wanting him out because she didn't.

My sister found out today and was annoyed at me for telling him. She said it makes it awkward for her whilst he's still around the house and she's here for another 2 weeks until she goes back to uni.She said I should have lied to keep her out of it but I don't think I should have. She thinks I should have lied and said I didn't tell her to keep her from being involved and avoid any awkwardness. I don't think I should have lied and that there's no reason for it to be awkward. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she's overreacting?

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 23/09/2025 03:01

Squeeky112 · 22/09/2025 16:24

If it is your house, and not his in any way, change the locks NOW and throw his stuff out. If he turns up, don't let him in AT ALL. If he gets arsey about it, call the police. Otherwise he will stay forever.
And reconcile with your sister. This issue isn't about her.

Well, she could try explaining it to him first. Then go scorched earth if he still doesn't move out.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/09/2025 02:53

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:01

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

Why do you keep repeating this?

Presumably someone has already pointed out by now that nobody sleeps "in" sofas. He is sleeping on the sofa.

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/09/2025 02:31

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 16:01

My sister is upset with me and thinks I shouldn't have told him she knows. I told her it's my house and didn't think there is anything wrong with me telling him the truth. She just said I've put her in a weird position and I should have lied to protect her.

Jesus Christ op. Forget about telling a hundred posters individually what your sister thinks and get up away from the screen and go tell your ex to move out!! Not to the sofa, to another place? It’s your house- change the locks.

TeaAndTattoos · 23/09/2025 02:26

9 A levels?? The most you can do is 5 not 9.

Mothership4two · 23/09/2025 02:09

I know several people who went to Cambridge. I am pretty sure I have never met anyone with 9 Alevels - that I am aware of anyway. 🤔

XWKD · 23/09/2025 02:02

Your sister is being unreasonable. It's your house, and that goes for her as much as him.

bluebettyy · 23/09/2025 01:57

Assumptions are not communications

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 01:48

Oh wow thanks for that. Being Australian I haven't seen any news on that, hence why I asked. I did google and didn't see it. But thanks for being a sarcastic cow about it! Cheers!

JifNtGif · 23/09/2025 00:58

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 00:35

Wait Stormzy is paying her scholarship? The rapper? I'm so confused

You know you can just Google gaps in your knowledge right ? It's been pretty well publicised over the years.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/09/2025 00:41

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 00:35

Wait Stormzy is paying her scholarship? The rapper? I'm so confused

Stormzy, whose real name is Michael Ebenazer Kwadjo Omari Owuo Jr, launched the Stormzy Scholarship in 2018, which funds black UK students to study at the university. The 32-year-old recently received an honorary Doctorate in Law from Cambridge for his programme.
That's a fantastic idea.
Good for him

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/09/2025 00:35

Wait Stormzy is paying her scholarship? The rapper? I'm so confused

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/09/2025 00:28

What is the point on lying.
Give him a time frame to move out.
Was your Dsis watching TV with him at night? It's a bit odd pretending she doesn't know that he is waiting to sleep on the chair. 😬
Oh it is a tag team. Strange post.

NorthernLass2025 · 23/09/2025 00:24

Gee whizz I feel sorry for ex and sister your as avoidant of setting things properly straight with everyone. Grow up and sort it

FatAgain · 22/09/2025 23:57

9 A-levels - imagine that - well I think you already did 🤣

JellyBeanSpring25 · 22/09/2025 23:50

It’s late. I’ve caught up with all posts.

but, surely… he’s staying away, change the locks, wave DSiS off back to ‘Cambridge’, submit child support claim, jobs a good ‘un.

Floralhousecoat · 22/09/2025 23:50

fraughtcouture · 22/09/2025 23:15

Absolute bollocks! At least I hope it is, or those 5 kids don’t stand a chance…

Agree...

fraughtcouture · 22/09/2025 23:15

Absolute bollocks! At least I hope it is, or those 5 kids don’t stand a chance…

Floralhousecoat · 22/09/2025 22:57

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 22:33

She's definitely at Cambridge. She was in a rush. She's a very clever girl with 9 A* in her A levels and worked very hard to get into Cambridge. She's also on a scholarship by Stormzy.

stormzy is paying for her scholarship? and she did 9 A levels?

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 22:35

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 22:33

She's definitely at Cambridge. She was in a rush. She's a very clever girl with 9 A* in her A levels and worked very hard to get into Cambridge. She's also on a scholarship by Stormzy.

I mean all A*

OP posts:
Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 22:33

janehopper · 22/09/2025 22:02

She is not 🤣 She can't spell immature!

She's definitely at Cambridge. She was in a rush. She's a very clever girl with 9 A* in her A levels and worked very hard to get into Cambridge. She's also on a scholarship by Stormzy.

OP posts:
NewYorkSummer · 22/09/2025 22:25

janehopper · 22/09/2025 22:02

She is not 🤣 She can't spell immature!

Cambridge have obviously lowered their standards 😆

janehopper · 22/09/2025 22:02

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 18:22

She's at Cambridge.

She is not 🤣 She can't spell immature!

BigGra · 22/09/2025 21:39

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 22/09/2025 20:32

It's not a doddle getting a degree there, so the less she is involved in your problems the better, I would say.

In any case, you need to tell the ex to sling his hook and give her a chance for a bit of ordinary life next vacation!

OP should be concentrating on her 5 children not her uni sister, who, had a go at the OP due to OP telling her the truth, regarding the situation with her about abusive partner.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 22/09/2025 20:32

Lillylillyflower · 22/09/2025 18:22

She's at Cambridge.

It's not a doddle getting a degree there, so the less she is involved in your problems the better, I would say.

In any case, you need to tell the ex to sling his hook and give her a chance for a bit of ordinary life next vacation!

diddl · 22/09/2025 19:44

Frankly if I was DS I wouldn’t stay there to avoid getting sucked into the drama.
The priority for Lillylillyflower and sister is how to break free from this abusive idiot instead of this waste of time on mumsnet arguing over if she should have lied to him about your sister knowing or not.

Absolutely!

If he's that unpredictable then I would have thought anything could set him off.