To think men don’t actually want equality in relationships, they just want women to do both roles?

@Chiseltip are men who dont fo their fair share with family life/household management nice?

This one is subtle. I always offered to pay half. I also always expected a fight from a man who tried to pay the whole thing. Essentially, he’s signalling generosity and an understanding of the pay gap, I’m signalling independence and a willingness to be an equal partner.

It worked very well for me!

A bit like when DH and my dad fight about the bill in restaurants. My dad is saying he wats to treat us and he’s still head of the family. DH is saying he’s generous and can provide. Both outdated nonsense that me and mum roll our eyes at but it’s fun to watch!

Did you work as well? If so, he got a sweet deal..

Housework and child rearing are relentless...the tasks are absolutely never ending. Hiring a tradesman is hardly a task you need to do multiple times a day.

I don't know because I'm not sure women mean equal either.

It's true I always did the bulk of the HW and child rearing, but it would always have been DH who went to deal with the difficult neighbours, did anyhting that required any brute force, who dealt with tradesmen or went to pick up drunk teenagers in the middle of the night

Men and women are different and different things are important to us. The reason I did the HW was because I cared about it more and DH would have been happy to live in a clean "enough". That doesn't make me right and him wrong.

Yes, lots of men are incredibly passionate about equality when it comes to finances but that's about it.

Ive tried saying this on the who pays on dates threads. That the amount of men splitting the cost on dates fifty fifty is a lot higher than the amount of men splitting childcare and housework etc fifty fifty but it always falls on deaf ears.

This might be partly true but you can bet they expect that even when they've cheated or massively fucked up. The woman is always being "too sensitive" or making a big deal about it. Self reflection or prior thinking on their behalf never seems to be involved.

Basic equity on being human and humane would be nice.

Just like this

My DH is messy and thinks housework is pointless. I disagree. He lived on his own for about 10 years before we met. I remember his flat being so dusty I wouldn't stay there. So I accept that that if I want the place dusted and hoovered, I have to do it. Sometimes, the difference between time and effort spent on household chores is down to expectations and and what we are comfortable with.

My DH does his fair share of housework and childcare. Acting like it's impossible for men to be decent partners does not help women's cause imho.

No, they just want a woman who is nice to them and who treats them with respect. No man wants an "equal" partner, because men and women aren't equal. We are different, not better or worst than eachother, just different.

I’m married to a great one so in my case no.

But it’s hard to see my friends married to men who want them to work twice as hard so they are paid the same, do most of the housework, and the men can’t name the child’s friends, teacher, favourite colour, favourite subject or birthday. And they whine about freedom and being treated like they’re special.

I agree. They want us to be equal in terms of earning but the majority of them do not want to be equal in terms of rearing a family- the mental load, the organisation of family life, the housework and all the rest.

When they say equal, they mean equal in terms of things they care about...money and sex. They don't care about being an equal partner in terms of child rearing, housework etc, because it's not important to them.

Yeah I think you're right

Of course. The majority want a Mum they can fuck.