To expect DH to help out

I disagree. He does "school run and life admin" which could include mental load so I don't think he is completely shirking his responsibility

Also, op has made an executive decision to completely change the arrangements, make everyone's life harder, for no benefit to them

The equivalent would be if the husband suddenly deciding that all of his wage was now going to his parents and the op has to suck it up and start being responsible for the family bills and finances... I'm sure she would have something to say if that was the scenario

Are they in the UK? If so then they are either working or collecting a pension. What has gone wrong with either of these options and why do they need more?

If they’re not in the UK then that’s a huge thing to leave out of your OP and where are they?

You would be fine with your DH’s entire wage going to his mum, while asking you to do more housework to support it?

I wouldn’t.

I don’t understand the negative comments. Let’s say this “close family member” is your mother. I would expect my partner to fully support me (or rather “us” as my family member is also his family member). If you are doing the majority of the housework I’m guessing you’re doing the majority of the mental load too and he isn’t pulling his weight at all. I think you are doing a noble thing and he is unsupportive and using it as an excuse to be his usual lazy self.

Sounds an extremely strange Reka you are doing what you want and you are expecting him to do more, why should he, how would you feel if ge said it’s down to you to pay for everything as he is giving his money to someone else!

Wow, you're working to help another family member out and complaining your husband isn't facilitating that? If I was your husband I'd be considering divorce never mind tidying the house!

Well all things being equal, yes- but they're not.

The agreement they had was that he earns all the money and does all the school runs and life admin, and she does the cleaning, by the sounds of it. She hasn't said how old her kids are and seems to not want to say, but they are at least school age and don't need full time supervision.

In this case, I think he is "helping" by also doing half the cleaning whilst she devotes most of her time to paying someone else's bills.

Use some of the money from your job to get a cleaner.

You haven't given us enough information.
How close is this family member?And why are you the only one helping financially?Is it a DC belonging to you and your DH?
If so the advice given would be different if it is someone else within the family.
From what you tell us I don't see why your DH should help out more than he does. You are getting tired because you are working hard to solve someone else's financial problems. To be honest if it was me in his situation,I would be totally pissed off.

Mumsnet does seem very nuclear family focused at times, in ways that don't make sense to me as a white British / Irish person.

I think you need a sustainable solution which may include you working and giving them some money but might include other things too.

• consider joint counselling with your husband - your parents won't live forever but this is reading like a medium term thing and you need hopefully more than a truce with him. Why doesn't he want to help them? What is he wanting you to do?
• your husband needs to do a fair share of the housework, so do your children if old enough.
• are you all living together? Can your parents do any of the housework or childcare slowly - even if you're living near each other rather than together?
• assuming they're in the UK step change / Christians against poverty / other debt support charities are worth contacting even if they're not technically in debt to look at maximising their income and checking they're on reasonable deals for utilities etc.
• adult social care may be able to help if they've been financially abused/ are vulnerable to further exploitation as well as helping with things like day time activities for elderly people in the local area.

This.
maybe you simply don’t have the resources to support this struggling relative.

Wait…so he works, does the school run and life admin? And does some washing when you ask…
what do you want from him? That he cooks all meals so that you can work to help someone else than him? Surely you can see that it is unreasonable?

Alsi, if you aren’t healthy and your hubby was ok for you to remain SAHM…stop working :/ it is that simple. You need to take your responsibilities not someone else’s while expecting your dh to sustain stuff….
it is basically what women are complaining about these mama’s boys!!! Mama never lift a finger but get boy to do it all and dump on wife……please…Please do not say it is your father!

You could suggest he does cleaning and ironing or pay for someone to come in and do it as it's all to much for you.

How lovely are you!!!
I am really sorry you are exhausted what a kind thing to do. I do hope you have some boundaries in place so lucky family member knows this is a once off. You are entitled to work and allowed to help whomever you want, however, irrespective of you working, he should be doing 50% unless he is paying you to cover his portion of the chores/childcare?
I have a lovely husband who has a demanding job - his work takes him away from home 2/3 days a week so we have a nanny to help cover him so I can do job. I earn a pittance but it improves my sense of wellbeing to work (I don’t have too) and it’s my money to do as I want/wish. Mostly spent on the baby or the dog! Nothing as noble as you.

Don’t feel guilty, he should support you in this.

YABU.
My husband and household come first, to any family member.
(And kids, obviously, but I never had them).

So, essentially you are putting your health at risk, to pay off another person's debts. Your health is paramount and must always come first. Let me tell you, if you haven't got your health, you have nothing. You need to reconsider your priorities.

Ffs can people please stop referring to males cleaning the gaff they reside in as helping.

Are the family members claiming all the benefits they're entitled to?

Are you the only person helping? Are there other family members who could help? Why aren't they?

Are you handing over a full time salary or only working part time? What's the long term plan?

If you've help previously and they still need help, i can see why DH is reluctant.

What kind of scam did they fall for? My Dad is keen on the saying "you can't cheat an honest man". Was it something slightly underhand that would have made them money? I.e. is there a feeling that they got what they deserved?

I think the best way you can help your family is ensuring they’re accessing all the benefits to which they are now entitled.

I don’t think going back to work is helping your immediate family from the sounds of things.

OP says upthread he did not agree, PLUS it sounds like they (he) has bailed them out before

So did you husband agree with you going back to work to financially support your parents, or was he against it? If he agreed, he should help you more. If he was against it, I’m not surprised he isn’t happy

I'm with your husband here. You are working more and cant cope, so expecting him to do more? You're presumably taking time and money now away from your family whilst your husband supports you financially and you want more from him? You're doing all this so you can give away the money you make to family members who have repeatedly proved they cant handle their finances.

Is the person who has taken money from your parents, another family member?

You have gone back to work to pay someone else's debts making yourself unwell and now expect your husband to do more not because you're building a better life from the family but to dig someone else out of a hole they got themselves in ? This persons financial problems are NOT yours or your husbands problem and I have no idea why on earth you have chosen to take on that burden . You have made a decision by yourself knowing your husband wasn't on board , that affects the household as a whole and are now complaining about it ? You are being very unreasonable here .

If the parents are in the UK it would be far more sensible for OP to help them ensure they are getting any benefits they are entitled to and maximise their own income than hand over her wages.