To despair at dd12 eating habits?

My son now 25. Is AuADHD... from k-12 , he ate the same lunch every day. Dinner was pizza. Or chicken nuggets and fries... now he also has an unrepaired cleft palate that went unknown until he was 12 and at that point a repair would have cost him his speech and he would have had to relearn to eat and talk and at the time I thought just leave it... now I think I would have made a different choice but that has more to do with living through the pandemic than anything else...
However my point is there were a few years when he was younger that we supplemented with a protein/nutrition type shake but for the most part I let him eat without the battle... for me early on I was able to recognize that it wasn't that he didn't want to eat it was that he couldn't. As he grew up he started trying foods. I would leave it out and say taste it...that was around 16 or so that he started and he would be alone trying it in case he gagged and then he'd let me know... now he eats all kinds of foods... I would not stress about it too much because like others said it's probably a sensory issue... however I would work with her to deal with the sensory issues at the table... she need to learn so that socially life won't be too difficult for her. If she can't sit at a table at a restaurant because of the noise will she jist never go to a restaurant? Maybe saying you sit here with us for 5 mins at dinner this week... not with fingers in her ears...
I'm just a mom and I know how much we can worry... good luck... you will get there

I have a 9 year old who is a picky eater , she was baby led weaned and ate everything we ate ( within reason) till she started nursery and then got picky and started refusing. She has a handful of safe meals, loves plain pasta dislikes hot food, has to eat anything cooked cold. dislikes cooked veg even when cold but will eat any veg raw. Loves salads and gets through lots of fresh fruit and veg daily but wont east a sandwich . Likes everything separate on a plate
No other issues just the food im hoping the eating gets better as she gets older. Eating out is a no no
Its a daily struggle so i sympathise , no advice but hope it gets better

I am this kind of eater to the point the thought of trying something new if it isnt my choice makes me cry and be sick (even at 28)and whenever my parents put pressure on me it made me worse and would make me over-react and lash out emotionally...I am much better now I can make my own choices but my advice would be to let up on it a little and not put so much emphasis on what she does/doesnt eat and go down another route with it. It may be good to seek some sort of food related therapy

Have you looked up ARFIDS?

sounds exactly like my mother. there isn't one way to parent a child but types of parenting has consequences especially further along the line. speaking as the child in situation it has damaging affect

Two important points to make here.

One, lots of humans have only had access to a very limited palate of foods anyway, especially once we started agriculture. Not being spoilt with dietary options actually sometimes means only learning to eat a small range of things. Like DD.

Two, until the very recent past, humans died young of all kinds of things all the time. You don't actually know, and have no way of counting, how many people died before their time because they didn't eat foods they found revolting. Wouldn't just have to be starvation either, could be death of disease that they'd have potentially survived if they'd been better nourished.

and have you ever had such a child in your care?

This

I’m autistic and was VERY fussy as a child/teen. As an adult I had a part time job in a restaurant and got very interested in food and expanded my palette hugely out of my own free will. Never responded to any parental nagging/trying. It was also a form of control- as a child I couldn’t control much, but I could control what went in my mouth so I think sometimes I resorted to that just to try and keep my head above water.

However, even as an adult in my 30s if I’m under stress or have a lot else going on, I resort to beige/safe foods. Keeping up variety of tastes and textures is something that I want to do but sometimes costs me mental energy or stress so it can be the first thing that goes out the window during a busy time at work.

if she has other issues going on, I’d see if you can tackle those BEFORE the food- if she’s happier in general, she may way be more relaxed about it.

Literally the majority. Humans have existed for hundreds of thousands of years not being spoilt with dietary options.

Not as dangerous as letting your child have a terrible diet simply because they're picky IMO.

It really doesn't though. Maybe for some kids, but not for the majority.

Yep, happy to disagree.

I'm not trolling, you just disagree with me, and that's fine. Everyone doesn't need to think the same.

There isn't one way to parent children, regardless of how strong your views are.

We are going to have to disagree on this although my child has ARFID which is much more serious than fussy.

Actually my first is a very fussy eater, always has been.

But I'm competent enough to understand I'm the parent, she's the child.

I suspect you are deliberately trolling but to humour you, once again you are showing your ignorance and lack of education in this area.

Your problem is not my children's problem.

Says the person who has clearly never had a child in this situation or been the parent who has spent weeks in the eating disorders unit with a peg fed child.

Your comment is wrong, dangerous and if I’d had it at the time my child was at her worst I would have been considered by Social Services to be abusive and it would probably have meant my child went into care.

Poor parenting is not being able to get your child to eat basic foods.

Dangerous advice

It so does not. your attitude was same as my mother's. it didn't work so much so was very underweight as a child and teen. I am still am a "fussy" eater and in my mid 40s.
if you are operating this way with your children please stop