Christmas family issues

Well.you need to have a discussion. Because he loves it doesnt mean that its the expected thing that has become a habit that must always trump your wishes. You do have the right to say you want a change. A house full of guests and mess is not everybody's idea of fun. Sooner or later its going to get stressful and someone will snap. I think you have to lay down some rules, your house. Encourage people to not bring all their presents to keep things manageable and they should be responsible fot their mess by gathering it all up and taking it home to dispose of because you can only put two bags of recycling out. Also try and set a time for people to leave to preserve some space for yourselves to settle down, these events can go on too long and start to get awkward we all know from experience, speak to your OH and get him on board, just say you want to do things a bit differently as the family dynamic changes. You may find he agrees.

I was going to vote YABU to not let children bring their presents/toys to play with.
Then I read that most of them are adults! WTF? 😆🤦‍♀️ 😬
YANBU! 😨
I wouldn't host tbh.
I would have a nice quiet Xmas with just my own household. 😌

But as a compromise I would do an open house on boxing day instead maybe?

I don’t have a good poker face at all so I like opening presents away from the people who buy them . I’m not really a fan of presents either coz I’m a fussy , I would rather someone just not buy for me 🤣 so I don’t like the whole sharing presents thing and would prefer it to be happening at their own home ,

So do you mean they all bring the presents they have brought for each other ? Then sit around pass them out and open them as a family?
Instead of just handing them out before Christmas day so that they can be opened by each person separately.

I dont think thats odd. Its nice .
Does it really make that much mess ?
Do you have kids ?
It will stop at somepoint naturally anyway. When people are to sick or old to travel and so on. Why not just embrace the happy chaos whist it happens. Especially if your dh loves hosting so much .

We open ours after dinner in the afternoon as well.

I think the bigger problem is that they aren't helping. Christmas is great fun, but there's someone behind it making it nice for everyone and it's not very fun being that person in my opinion if you're stretched too far. I'm happy to organise christmas until I start getting stressed over it. If I'm stressed then other people can step in and help. How is it fair for 1 person to slave away whilst everyone else gets to just sit back and enjoy Christmas?

I think it sounds really nice! Assuming they take their gifts home with them, is it the rubbish that's the problem? Can't they just take their rubbish too? Or is this more about no-one else helping more generally?

They bring their presents from/for each other, or they also bring their presents from friends etc, to open at yours?

I have the extended family (similar number of people) to me at Christmas, and they bring the gifts for each other to open together, but have opened ones from non-attenders at their own homes. Maybe this could be a compromise request of it's not already the case?

Oh I see : I thought there was actually another thread.

It’s in the OP: We have all the family round every year (no thanks, no contribution and no helping but that is a whole other thread!)

I love a bit of Christmas bustle, but it's got to work for you too. A couple of bags/bins/whatever out for people to gather their own wrapping as they go so it never gets too chaotic.

Christmas wrapping paper disposal does stress me out a bit... I do try and buy definitely recyclable paper and use paper/washi tape nowadays. But not everyone does. Some is non-recyclable paper. Some is recyclable paper with non recyclable sellotape on it. Some family members are "ball everything up and chuck it in the waste bin" types and others are "spend hours sorting it all and removing sellotape to put the right thing in the recycling" and both extremes are irritating! I want to recycle and as I say use recyclable wrap myself. But does anyone truly think there is some massive sorting facility to distinguish which scraps of paper among the nation's mountain of Christmas paper are legit or not - I can't imagine the required scale of that..!? What actually happens to it?

Ok clearly I need to chill out 😆 Sorry for that tangent. I hope you find a balance that works for you op.

What about your family? Do they not spend Christmas with you? I think there’s a deeper issue going on. Personally I like opening presents all together

Ah! So what's this other thread?

Tell them to do presents at home then.

We used to all do that when I was younger. It was lovely and I loved the communal togetherness of it. It took ages but that was fine! When do they do the present opening? Ours was always after Xmas dinner so everyone could relax and enjoy it. Even now we open most things after Xmas dinner at lunchtime.

These days we tend to open a few in the morning between ourselves, and family does the same, then they bring ones between the wider group plus a few others to the big gathering.

It’s easy enough to ask each group to take a bag of recycling home though.

I also think it’s quite nice but can see how it’s annoying to you as the host especially if you are already annoyed with them for the content of another thread.

I’d say “we are struggling with the rubbish this year so please take your wrapping home with you to dispose of” and I doubt anyone would complain or think twice about it.

That's kind of what I'm thinking .... which leads me to the classic MN thread twist: is this really about the paper op?

Can't you just ask for them to make sure that the paper is all picked up? It's not that hard!

Oh come on, that's lovely! The best sort of chaos. You are so lucky to have that.

Now, I get that it might not be your ideal Christmas but it's definitely great that your husband and his family are so close.

Perhaps take a day that isn't Christmas Day to do whatever you would like to do?

Oh come on, that's lovely! The best sort of chaos. You are so lucky to have that.

Now, I get that it might not be your ideal Christmas but it's definitely great that your husband and his family are so close.

Perhaps take a day that isn't Christmas Day to do whatever you would like to do?

I mean quite a lot of Christmas is bonkers: crackers, covering gifts in paper only to uncover them again, not to mention a tree in the house.

How many gifts are adults actually getting?😳

DH and I get about 4 each, then the rest would be from extended family who are presumably giving them at the op's anyway.

It’s bonkers but it’s a family tradition- they obviously love opening the gifts all together so they can have that feeling of excitement and Christmas bustle and chaos.

We have never done this but my dh is the opposite - he literally stands hovering over my children with a black bin bag picking up every scrap of packaging the very second they unwrap something. And scan sometimes be heard to tut loudly and obnoxiously if something flutters down onto the carpet. It makes me want to SCREAM but I smile and get busy with the instantaneous tidying up.

we put up with the eccentricities of our loved ones simply because we love them and want them to enjoy Christmas and family time, if it doesn’t hurt me I will smile and nod.

Id try to put up with it if it didn’t

Its a bit odd if they are close by and spend the morning at home. We only take presents places if we are staying Christmas eve, even then we don't take the majority of mine and DHs, just the kids ones.

Do they help clean up the unboxing? I presume the gifts all get taken home.

Provided it's just a bit of chaos on the day I have to say I actually think its sounds quite fun and festive. I'd just have a rule that everyone clears away their own wrap.

If your DH loves doing the cooking that's great: grab a drink, put your feet up and watch the mad unwrapping!

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for contributions to the meal - especially easy to bring things like drink or a Christmas cake etc. They can actually be the costly bits too.

Triplicate post.