He said this right after sex.

I’m not naive..
Friends with benefits works very well for lots of people & more it doesn’t, it’s like everything In life , you refuse to accept that though & you are very judgmental..
Like I said before it’s not for you & that’s cool , but it does work for more & that’s cool too ..
Personally it doesn’t suit me , but that is because I get attached if I like someone, a very good friend of mine it actually works very well for , she likes that she doesn’t have to commit to him 🤷🏻‍♀️, They meet up regularly for drinks out / in , good company & work well together sexually ..
They’re friends that have fun …

My general opinion on FWB is that it is transactional, and many women get hurt in the process. We are always taking the risk (pregnancy)
and therefore it is never truly equal. Unless you are infertile or are planning a pregnancy.

Respect and courtesy should be the absolute bare minimum. I care about the women - men are just taking the opportunities presented free of charge (you can dispute the morality and integrity of such choices) It is the case that they are not always complimentary of such women! Quite the reverse. Don’t be naive.

I was referring to your general opinion of FWB , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Not actually how OP has been treated by her friend ..

I have some genuinely great men around me which is why I can’t understand why op would put up with this kind of treatment.

If you want to have sex that is a free choice, but to continue a ‘friendship’ after such disrespect is the issue here for most pp here I suspect. It’s not about attraction is it, op is being treated disgracefully - it’s about contempt and deliberate harm.

Clearly you don’t know the nicest of men & that’s kinda sad in itself being honest ..
Lots of nice decent men & women get together that actually enjoy one another’s company & are sexually attracted to one another aswel , but just don’t want everything else that comes with a relationship…
Neither party looking on the other with disrespect & an “ easy lay “ as you so crudely put it …

I am not trying to be ‘nice’ thanks, I am being honest. I have heard many men speak about it in exactly those terms! Take it up with them. I have already.

Does that make the bloke a chubby chaser?

No, fuck buddies are people you meet only for sex. FWBs do have an element of friendship too. Not that it's really relevant.

The whole point of a FWB is to make you feel good - physically and putting the spring in your step you get from good sex.

I have no issue with casual relationships - I think there’s something admirable in a woman putting her kids first and avoiding jumping into another serious relationship or moving a man in after 5 mins, but still acknowledging she has physical needs that can be fulfilled.

However, FWB type relationships can be tricky to navigate. The moment you stop feeling good about it / the moment it stops you feeling good about yourself is the moment to move on without looking back - the whole point of it is that you can end it painlessly

I think you mean we all put on weight as we eat too much food.

You are fuck buddies. That's below being friends.

What a truly awful thing to say “ he sees her as an easy lay with no standards “ , no you my dear look down that nose of yours on friends who meet up for sex ..
Clearly it’s not for you & that’s fine too , but it’s not nice to read your judgmental view & the nasty words you use to get it across …

I’m not particularly sensitive, but would have taken offence at this. I really don’t blame you for feeling upset.
He’s a dickhead who obviously thinks he’s above you now that he’s lost weight.

My guess is op is back in touch with this rancid male, and because he is her ‘friend’ he gets the green light to continue to use her for his own benefit. She seems dependent on the two hour phone calls she has daily with him. Refusing to believe that she is playing the shoo in role of girlfriend until he finds the real thing - that he is certainly not doing it for her benefit or because he cares for her.

Until she goes into counselling and works on the reasons why she is prepared to put up such poor friends and behaviour, and learns how to look after and protect herself (and her children/life)) she is doomed to continue with the revolving door of dubious characters and endless cycle of low self worth. She needs to be far more discerning, and raise her expectations. Take a long look at her childhood, and the patterns formed there.

Just refrain from having FWB sex with someone who is too fat for you to be attracted to. If you do have sex with them and find the fat off-putting then definitely don't make crass unpleasant comments after the fact. Just you stop sleeping with them.
I get the impression he didn't notice until doing the deed. But he could still have chosen to say nothing, or if he felt he had to, he could have deall with it far more sensitvely and acknowledge how sensitive OP is about it all. Obviously saying nothing would have been the better option though.

However fat the person you are having sex with is, it ia unacceptable to make crass comments explaining that you think about how massively fat they are during sex .

Just refrain from having FWB sex with someone who is too fat for you to be attracted to. If you do have sex with them and find the fat off-putting then definitely don't make crass unpleasant comments after the fact. Just you stop sleeping with them.

This is all just basic respect for a person you are being intimate with. How fat they are is irrelevant

Things might be more complex in a relationship where concerns about health and long term survival of the relationship if attraction declines are a factor but in a FWB situation it is really very simple.

If you are sleeping with someone, at least have the decency to pretend you find their body appealing and if you can no longer do that, then stop sleeping with them and don't make fun of their body. To do anything else is pretty poor behaviour

I had a FWB - IMHO these can be quite shallow relationships. Mine went to the gym a lot and at the time I was too. He used to comment A LOT on my body whilst also saying that he couldn't he with someone larger. I brushed it because, you know, sex. But, truth be told, the comments are like ear worms. It's very easy to fall down the trap. I remember when I gained some weight I felt worse about my body because of having him in my head. I stopped seeing him and was honest that I wasn't feeling it anymore. I didn't really say why, I don't think he deserved an explanation or the education on it from me.

We kept chatting and he kept banging on at me to meet up and I just got bored so I blocked him after one particularly blunt innuendous message from him. We weren't really 'friends', we'd not met that many times, so it wasn't difficult to do. I just fell out of desire. Any FWB has to bring good feelings and have safe communication and boundaries (and IMHO an end point as well) else there is absolutely no point whatsoever. Maybe this is your natural end point.

Typical tactless male.

That's not what I asked. I asked if it meets your definition of casual sex- it doesn't meet mine.

As for "it's not your place to judge"- I think I'd just remind you the OP came here to ask what others would do in this scenario. And- having thus been asked for their judgement of the situation- many have said they don't think it's one that would work for them in the first place.

If you don't like those replies, perhaps it's not your place to judge, and you should try a different thread.

So if you have never seen it it cannot possibly exist.

Stop having sex with him.

😂 I have issues with neither my weight?! Or intimacy - I do definitely take issue with men degrading women! And so should you. And rather than championing the menz as you have been conditioned to do, like a performing monkey why not stop and think what this is doing to OP’s self esteem?

This is not about the sex per se but the absolute absence of respect, humanity and care. HE is treating her like shit, because that is how he sees her. An easy lay with no standards. I worry you are not following what this thread is about. It’s about the disgusting way some men treat women.

That’s how I see it - I genuinely can’t see the difference. It’s transactional is that a better term?

You judged a woman up thread accusing her of being triggered because maybe she was fat, that was personal, Mrs Lanky, we clearly know where your confidence comes from.

Anyway that's the whole point not entirely sure care is the right word for FWB's, mutual greed and egomania seems more appropriate if the abuse of others are involved.

And yes I give a higher percentage to the fact FWB's are in the majority side pieces, that are regularly picked up and dropped frquently by men.

Weirdly enough I bet many of these FWB who love sex and arn't too selective about who they harm to get their rocks off, are not quite so enamoured when old female friends re emerge for the benefit of their primary partners.

Many are hypocrytes, no matter how much fun they had during their 'complicated lifestyles'.

And pull the other one that it's purely about sex, you only have to read the threads on the FWB posts to see many of them become obsessed with obtaining their 'friends' full time.
You see it makes no sense to lower your expectations of a male unless he is of high value. Women do not put up with that shit for low value males, or just the joy of sex, much of the time the sex is so enjoyable for the very fact that men will lower their standards for an easy enthusiastic lay.

The 'best sex I ever had' course it was because either the male was highly attractive or they had other features that made them highly attractive or useful.

But clearly monogamous people who try to minimise harm to their own sexual and mental health and have standards that involve not harming others are crazy not to enjoy the hedonism of great sex without boundaries with friends, actually always infering that we are poor between the sheets and fridged.

We clearly havn't obtained our BTEC in advanced sexual pursuits and libertarianism.

And, no we don't actually see the world as only us (as I have been accused of) we think of others before hurtling into sexual unions on the basis of just being friends. We have standards and make sure they are single, we don't call them FWB's ever.

I've heard a few younger women who refuse to accept the term FWB and instead prefer to call them BOTBB's. Each generation has you sewed up.