He said this right after sex.

He should have apologised immediately and unreservedly. The fact he is now playing games is really bloody telling. Your phone isn’t broken you are clearly hurt. How dare he!

So when will you be seeing him next to just hang out? It must happen a lot if you are close.

How are you going to handle this upset when you see him in person as usual?

But sounds horrible, why are you confiding in him of all people?

So he knows your phone isn't broken and doesn't even have the decency to apologise for upsetting you. What a horrible man. I certainly wouldn't be having sex with him again, he doesn't deserve your body.

Just be honest with him, if you want to continue the friendship you can’t ignore what he’s said and if you want to end the friendship you’ve nothing to lose anyway. Even if it was a slip of the tongue what he’s said was out of line and you deserve an apology. I have friendships where we can be pretty blunt to each other at times but there’s a line.

The ‘rules’ of friendships and long term sexual relationships are different, expectations are different and you’re vulnerable in different ways. There’s things I’d do and say with a partner that I wouldn’t with a friend. Similarly to when a friend is so close they feel like ‘family’, you treat them differently to a standard friend. A friendship that also includes sex is going to blur boundaries, maybe like anything goes so he’s not concerned about filtering himself.

Whatever you do, I wouldn’t continue sleeping with him after this. If you are genuine friends then I don’t think it’s unfixable (if you want to fix it) but you’ll have to re-establish the friendship on new terms.

what he said was horrible. But it’s harsh to completely cut someone off for a very inconsiderate comment that they regret. He obviously knew he’d upset you and sounds like he was trying to apologise with all his calls.
As another poster said, friends can be hard to find. Friendships are not always smooth sailing and need working at. Is it really worth throwing it away, over one badly misjudged comment?

Op why are you allowing a ‘blunt’ disrespectful man to have access to your private life or ‘rough things’ and your body? Your self esteem sounds like it is at rock bottom.

The extra weight/comfort food maybe a coping strategy if you having to manage alone. Do you have decent girl friends you can trust instead or family?

This man is bad news, and he is using you. He certainly doesn’t care about you or respect you. He will just be reinforcing your low opinion of yourself.

Friends should never be harmful. They are your greatest champions and supporters. I do feel it would be worth getting some therapy op, and discover why you think so little of yourself. I would have throttled him, such an unkind thing to say!

Having read your updates, am I right in saying the sex comes in bursts - only when you’re both single and then not for a while (when he’s in a relationship), but you’ve been single for the last 5 years since Covid? So from that, it seems he’s having sex with you whenever he’s single? I wonder if you’d still be such good friends if you weren’t available for sex…
I’m not sure I’d end the friendship if he really has supported you over the years, but I certainly would never have sex with him again and focus on you. If you make that decision too, for your mental wellbeing, you need to stick to it…

Would he still be your friend if you and him weren't having sex?

He now knows that he can't be unfiltered with the OP

OP - what he said was unkind and very hurtful. However you have said that you ARE overweight and unhappy about it

Use his words to fire you up to lose the weight. That's taking a real positive from this horrible situation

Also, don't ignore him. Tell him what he said was very hurtful and you can't be around him because of it. Using silence as a weapon isn't a good idea imo

“You know I thought the exact opposite when I saw your c$%ck.”

If you’re going to accuse people of things like this then you should really work on your reading comprehension first, it’s not on.

You’ll never feel comfortable having sex with him again knowing that he could make a similar offensive comment or even be thinking it.

If he’s a good enough friend you may want to revive that part of the relationship if he is willing to sincerely apologise. No wonder he is often single!

What he said was really horrible! He was blunt but clearly hasn’t noticed as he’s still not apologised.

As you’ve been friends for a long time then I’d give him the chance to apologise but I’d also put him in his place. I would message him to say how disgusting and hurtful his comment was and remind him that there’s things you just don’t say to people, no matter how good a friend they are.

I would also stop having sex with him, even if it’s a mutual beneficial thing, I just wouldn’t put myself in that position again.

I had a friendship like this between the ages of 19 and 35 then 45 to now. I always thought it strange when people gave our friendship a sex related description, we were pretty good friends, met each others partners, no jealousy or weirdness or flirting outside of the few flings during single times.

The reason for the ten year gap was during our final fling it's like he forgot I was his friend and behaved very thoughtlessly. I didn't want to speak to him, he kept trying. I didn't intend for it to go on so long but weeks then months passed and then I thought why should I work to get past this hurt feeling. I truly believe that some men see you differently when you're a person they have sex with - that's all they see. I didn't realise he had become one of them.

We became friends again due to very unusual circumstances and I'm enjoying his company but I would never ever get intimate with him again.

This man has hurt you. Give it time and decide if you miss him enough to talk it out. Never sleep with him again.

I'd be mortified. I think what's worse, is that he hasn't apologised or sent any messages asking what he's done wrong or if you're OK and try to make amends. He clearly does thing that something is up but instead he's made silly comments about your phone bring broken.

He may well be blunt, or forthright as rude people often like to think of themselves, bit there's no way he can't have known that a comment like that would have hurt.

I think this is where FWB situations can get tricky. A friend shouldn't have said that, but someone who you're just shagging and the whole relationship is based on attraction might have done. It would still be rude, either way.

I would give him a chance to apologise and react accordingly. Tell him he hurt you and see how he replies. Hopefully he will say "I was a total idiot and I've been metaphorically kicking myself to pieces and I'm so so sorry". If he says something pathetic then you can cut him off confident that it's the right decision. But if you don't give him a chance you'll never know. People say stupid stuff sometimes, shame to lose an old friendship over one incredibly stupid comment if he is trying to apologise properly.