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Original poster

To feel humiliated meeting DP’s best friend for the first time?

131 replies

Masiemaise · 21/09/2025 16:46

I have been with DP for nearly a year but only
met his best friend (and his wife) for the first time last night, as they live a few hours away and had a baby around the time I met DP so haven’t been free to meet up.

We went to a restaurant followed by a couple of bars in the city they are from, so were all a bit tipsy. DP’s friends wife works in the NHS and was talking about some of the strangest things she has seen.

She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing.

I pulled him up on it last night and again today but he doesn’t see the issue. He has given a half apology but said he was joking and didn’t mean anything by it, and his friend/wife will know it was a joke.

Am I being a bit OTT with my reaction? It felt so unnecessary

OP posts:
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IsItBeesThoughLooshkin · 23/09/2025 10:37

EG94 · 22/09/2025 22:25

Well he weren’t lying.. she admitted it 🤣🤣

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Therein lies the problem 😆

EG94 · 22/09/2025 22:25

IsItBeesThoughLooshkin · 22/09/2025 18:33

You must be thick. He’s insinuating that when she’s drunk she’s up for extreme butt stuff.

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Well he weren’t lying.. she admitted it 🤣🤣

DarkPassenger1 · 22/09/2025 18:44

But how he responds to you being upset about this is quite important at this stage in a relationship. It upset you, for whatever reason. A decent partner will listen, apologise for hurting your feelings, and agree not to say stuff like that again. How you manage conflict and little spats like this is important. I get why you brought it up again if he brushed it off last night. Pay attention.

DarkPassenger1 · 22/09/2025 18:40

This is just a silly, funny comment. He could have made it about anyone. He could have said it about his best friend when he gets back from the pub. I sincerely doubt they are genuinely wondering whether you stick random objects up your bum.

Are you feeling quite insecure compared to them in any way? Like are they better looking, richer, does something about their life trigger something in you? They have a baby and are married, you've been with your boyfriend nearly a year, are you on the same page about stuff or is it a bit sore hanging out with couples that have committed to each other?

Probably digging a bit too deep there but I do think it's worth really asking yourself, even if you don't share it with anyone else, why something like this would bother you.

IsItBeesThoughLooshkin · 22/09/2025 18:33

latetothefisting · 21/09/2025 18:23

wow you must be a laugh a minute, bet they're glad they made the effort.

Am I missing something? Unless you have massively misunderstood the meaning of bottomless brunch, and do in fact stagger home with a cocktail umbrella and flute of mimosa lodged up your rectum, he was basically saying that you're a bit tipsy after going to one? Which is surely the whole point of bottomless brunch? It would be weirder if you came back completely sober, as it would suggest that you drink so much normally that two hours of cocktails didn't affect you at all.

Seriously, where's the insult/humiliation? If you reacted to this mild joke with anything other than an eye roll or laugh then as the friends I'd be judging you, not him.

You must be thick. He’s insinuating that when she’s drunk she’s up for extreme butt stuff.

Createausername1970 · 22/09/2025 18:20

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 22/09/2025 07:44

Ok ; says a lot about you

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Yes it does, but I don't think we are on the same page.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 22/09/2025 07:44

Createausername1970 · 21/09/2025 22:11

No.

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Ok ; says a lot about you

Valeriekat · 21/09/2025 23:09

Bobiverse · 21/09/2025 16:57

How was your reaction when he said it?

It’s the sort of joke my friends and I, and their partners, would make about one another if on that topic. Just purely as a joke; no one would take it seriously. But if someone got very flustered over it then we’d be thinking maybe we hit a nerve there…

Really? Maybe it is a generational thing but I would be furious. It is utterly disrespectful.

LancashireButterPie · 21/09/2025 22:18

APTPT · 21/09/2025 17:04

You sound as though you might have a stick wedged up there.

😅😅

Createausername1970 · 21/09/2025 22:11

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/09/2025 21:29

You can't see a problem with this idiotic man making a stupid, not in the least bit funny "joke" at his partner's expense in front of old friends of his who he's meeting for the first time?

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No.

Adelle79360 · 21/09/2025 22:04

I don’t think you need to feel humiliated, I’m sure this couple took it as the joke your DP intended it to be and I doubt they even remember it now.

But I don’t think you’re unreasonable - it’s not funny, it’s rude and disrespectful (and quite frankly I honestly don’t know what sticking items up your bum has to do with bottomless brunches - I don’t get the joke!!). I’d be very cross with my DH if he said this about me to people I hadn’t met before, I might tolerate it if it was friends I knew well. The fact he won’t acknowledge it’s upset you is a bit of a red flag though - really he should just apologise and say he’ll do better next time.

Toesy · 21/09/2025 22:03

LemonTwix · 21/09/2025 19:03

I agree. There was nothing witty about his comment at all. In front of people she didn’t know he made it sound like OP was desperate for anal sex after getting drunk with her friends. He should have made a joke about himself instead of hauling her into it.

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Agree.
He's crass, not funny.
Easy pop at his girlfriend.
Decent, respectful men don't feel the need to do that.
Twats do.
OP, lean into your discomfort at his behaviour.
Listen to your gut, it's trying to protect and warn you.
Don't suppress your natural standards an boundaries.
It's a theme on MN and why so many end up with coarse, uncouth, low class twats.

Outside9 · 21/09/2025 22:00

YANBU

Inthebitterend · 21/09/2025 21:53

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/09/2025 17:17

"She mentioned people turning up at A&E with items lodged in their bum. DP’s friend commented along the lines of he doesn’t know what would posses anyone to do that sort of thing.

DP then turned to me and said ‘you should see what she’s like when she gets home from bottomless brunch with her friends’ and burst out laughing."

So basically he gave this couple the impression that when drunk, you shove things up your anus.

Yeah, I'd be pretty fucked off with him.

100% this. I'd be mortified. You can feel awkward or try to be funny without making a joke like this.

Bippybop · 21/09/2025 21:38

Sounds like your sense of humour is wedged up there.

ScribblingPixie · 21/09/2025 21:36

I'd be the same OP. Why not make the joke at his own expense rather than yours? I'd have quite a sharp remark up my sleeve at the ready for if he tried it again.

Spirallingdownwards · 21/09/2025 21:34

Masiemaise · 21/09/2025 17:58

Thanks for the replies. We do sometimes ‘explore’ that area which is why the comment irked me I think.

Well that took an unexpected turn!

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/09/2025 21:29

Createausername1970 · 21/09/2025 21:24

I can't really see the problem.

It was something silly said in jest and the other couple would have known that.

You can't see a problem with this idiotic man making a stupid, not in the least bit funny "joke" at his partner's expense in front of old friends of his who he's meeting for the first time?

DiscoBob · 21/09/2025 21:28

You should've responded and said 'I guess seeing as it was a bottomless brunch I felt I was missing something'.

Createausername1970 · 21/09/2025 21:24

I can't really see the problem.

It was something silly said in jest and the other couple would have known that.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/09/2025 21:24

millymollymoomoo · 21/09/2025 18:03

God, people have lost their sense of humour these days.
it was a joke. You know, no harm meant just light hearted fun

Jokes are supposed to be funny. He's a crass, unfunny idiot.

Netcurtainnelly · 21/09/2025 21:19

CoralOP · 21/09/2025 17:07

Complete joke, OTT reaction. If my husband said this in a jokey conversation the natural comeback would be something like:
'we all know who is most likely to get something stuck in their arse...speaking of which can you explain where our cucumber has disappeared to, hmmm, hmmm".... queue everyone laughing and pointing at my husband.
Give as good as you get and you'll come out on top instead of going in a mood about a jokey comment.

Exactly....... some people don't know how to banter and be lighthearted.

DurinsBane · 21/09/2025 21:18

Just a tipsy comment, I don’t think it is that bad. I probably wouldn’t say it the first time you meeting them though!

Deebee90 · 21/09/2025 21:17

Well make sure next time you explore the area and end up in hospital that she’s not on duty.

Zucker · 21/09/2025 20:58

I hate this sort of thing, making you the punchline rather than making a joke about himself (which he could just have easily done). Especially as you haven't met this couple before! It places you outside the trio all laughing at you basically. Not nice.
Does he have form for this sort of "bantz" OP?

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