To have nothing further to do with them?

This.

I have several autistic friends and acquaintances and they all have friends.

It's definitely harder for them but it sounds like you've got it in your head it's impossible for you and DD.

Have you tried local events and support groups for autistic children and/or their parents?

You’re right, my mistake, I’ve misread it. It wouldn’t change my advice though. Re- reading back through the OPs posts makes it clearer that she has been pushing this relationship with too much expectation.

I agree. Hope you’re ok, OP.

They're 7.

How good friends can they actually be if they haven't seen each other for 6 months?

Most friendships at that age are based on the friends they see every day in the classroom.

Trying to find a positive reason behind their decision.... maybe your daughter wasn't invited to the actual birthday party because it meant she would have been with a large group of children she wouldn't have known and therefore the parents thought it might not have been enjoyable for your daughter?

TBH - it sounds like you're trying force a friendship between two girls who never see each other purely based on the fact that they're related.

Is your DD in Rainbows or Brownies? Are there gymteds/ballet classes she could attend and meet more people to mix with?

I think, OP, that you have (inadvertently, I'm sure) placed a pretty significant burden on your seven year old niece. It's not her job or responsibility to manage your daughter's social life, or to be an emotional support to her as they grow up. Of course it's perfectly fair to hope that they'll remain close, but it can't be forced. Your niece deserves to have agency over her friendships and relationships.

Best thing to do is model some emotional resilience to your daughter. She can't control your niece's or your in-laws' behaviour. She can only control her response. It might be good for her to try some new hobbies or extra curriculars - there are plenty which are inexpensive and which will allow her to meet a wider range of people and potential friends.

OP, I hope you're ok. There have been some very nasty people on this thread. Please ignore them. They are bullies.

Might I also say that writing "It's horrible being an only child" is astonishingly ignorant. Perhaps it was for you, and i'm sorry if so, but you absolutely do not speak for all only children.

I'm sorry OP but this is not a normal reaction either.

all these tears, tantrums and 'nuclear' reactions are probably why the family are pulling back. I know I would, if I knew my families reaction would be this, when I've turned down offers.

having autism is not an excuse to have no friends. You are acting like the world owes you and your daughter friendship. That's not how the world works and your daughter is going to be set up for a miserable time at school and teens when she grows up.

you and your husband need to change tactics here. There's evidently a reason as to why everyone, family, friends and DCs parents from school are pulling away.

as hard as this is for you to do, and I mean this with as much kindness as possible, you need to start looking inward because the common denominator here is you and your husband / small family.

it's evident from the way you post that you are forcing these friendships. Forced friendships won't ever last.
you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and blaming autism for having no friends, change tactics and stop behaving like this in front of your daughter.

I am autistic, I have ADHD and my daughters on the pathway. I am a single mum, with 2 brothers, 1 cousin who I'm not close to and haven't seen in years. Grandparents have passed and I have my parents.

my daughter has never, and will never go without. She's 4 but has made organic friends. I have a handful of friends I can count on.
I also have an incurable cancer. Our situations seem quite similar.

I know with autism it's hard to rationalise things, sometimes, but having autism doesn't exempt anybody from being part of the cause of a problem.

You should have just raised it calmly with them.
Highlighting you have been left feeling confused and unclear why they haven't accepted invites. The party sounds normal to do as family members do get less at this age as friendships tend to increase. As long as they still celebrate & have a relationship which they have.
Best approach now. Unblock, apologies & say you acted on impulse as you were hurt & would like to chat if there is reason for not wanting to do as much. You must prioritise these relationships for your child & sometimes that means feeling uncomfortable, asking questions and staying calm and considered.
Talking through emotions is good and a wonderful example to set. You've instead thrown your toys out the pram & then said I'm not playing with you anymore forever. V dramatic.
Caused by your upset, so if you explain that & seek to resolve in a healthy way then you could get this relationship back. Perhaps suggest so many meet ups a year something special. Might only be three, whatever works for you all. True family bonds are about sticking through & working through things. We choose friends not family. You can replicate the resilience and the patience and commitment to working through matters. Even if you don't like answers. Give yourself space come back to it when you are less charged & try your best to act in interests your child. Ultimately you can't control how they are but you can do your best to discuss rationally & try meet compromise or work through issues.
Good luck. Not easy when pride involved but I think best you apologise for your reaction then hopefully can talk constructively.

Again. What are people so nasty on here?

I haven’t read the whole thread.

My DD is AuDHD. She is an only child and has one only child cousin on my side. He’s 9 years younger than DD and profoundly autistic.

She has 7 cousins on DH’s side, including one that is 6 months younger than her. They all live 200 miles away and DH has put in a lot of effort to establish a relationship between them all. It’s been pretty pointless though as it’s never reciprocated and DD doesn’t like going there anymore as they make all the effort and her cousins just sit on their phones or talk about their local friends. it’s just how things are and there is a point at which you just have to look after your child and “let them” miss out.

My biggest concern is that you are using your own autism as a r reason that you can’t make or keep friends and are probably passing this on to your child. I doubt this is true. DH is autistic and has a good group of friends. I have ADHD and have a good group of friends. Not everyone likes us but that’s absolutely fine.

DD has a wonderful group of friends at 15 - all ND in different ways - who very rarely see each other outside of school. She’s never really wanted play dates because she finds it all a bit exhausting. What is your daughter telling you that she needs help with or is missing?

I understand how you feel. My child had a cousin they were very close to in both age and friendship. My horrendous sister who has bullied me since we were small wouldn’t let them get together. I was very upset at the time but it was just a series of things she did to hurt me. They are now both 30s and are very very close and see each other often. I hope I never see my sister again.

So needlessly nasty.

You're massively overreacting and projecting your own issues of being an only child.
You created your own family didn't you? You're not alone, you have a husband and child. And unless you're very old parents he will have both of you too, and then maybe his own family one day.
You can't force cousin relationships. I see two of my cousins and haven't seen others for decades.
Concentrate on fostering your child's actual friendships with his school friends. Get him involved in team sports. My only was never lonely growing up because I always took him and a friend out or had his friends over, you just have to make an effort. Mine's an older teen now and has loads of friends and a very busy social life. He has cousins but we only see them at the odd family get together, although they spent a lot of time together when little. It changes as they get older and make friends of their own.

Quite..and my autistic ex and my current autistic business partner have about as much empathy as a spoon. The OP isn't demonstrating much here either.

You really don't need "mum" friends. DH and I are one of the few couples in our social circles who actually have DC. The vast majority of our friends (on my side especially) are ND but they were all friends prior to diagnosis, ND is not a barrier to having friends.

I thought I needed "mum" friends when DD was little but, turned out that the other mums already had their social groups established from before they had kids. DD has her school friends and is now an age where she can arrange meeting up between them despite rarely having play dates or attending parties. She maintained the friendships within school hours and going to the park after school if we had time.

@Limon87

We can constructively advise someone to look at themselves without being a bully about it. Autistic people are wired differently, it’s a fact and the key is for them is to get advice to reflect and gain support to help them thrive, and learn how to adapt in a world that thinks differently to them. It’s not about excusing poor behaviours, it’s about helping them to look at things and try to understand their part in life’s challenges when it’s not always obvious to them.

Yes, autism makes it much harder for people to "read" situations and people, and maybe its exacerbating it but I don't think autism is the driver behind a lot of this behaviour. A lot of it seems to be a kneejerk trauma response to perceived sleights which is driven by OP's past experiences.

Lots of people are autistic but still manage to make and keep friends. My DP is autistic and has some odd mannerisms and slightly unusual behaviours around friendship but he absolutely would never come to a relationship with this level of entitlement, continue to hassle people when they'd said no to something multiple times or flounce off because he didn't get invited to every gathering they had.

Also OP seems to have a bizarre approach to her BIL and SIL where on the one hand she calls them horrible names (she called her SIL a "bitch") but she also wants her to be her "sister"). It suggests someone with a very poorly developed sense of how relationships operate.

Whether ND is at play here or not, the reality is that OP has a child and she needs to manage it in such a way that the child isn't constantly caught in the crosshairs of this exhausting drama.

@LA2025 she has not cut off her own family. She was referring to SIL and BIL as her family because she wanted to see them as one family. She is saying that she has now cut them off due to their lack of interest in treating her DD as close family. OP is an only child and only has her elderly parents who she sees regularly.

Yep, it's becoming a pile on now.

All OP has done is gone up to her own bedroom and left the WhatsApp group.

I would have seen the evening through and then just not bothered with them again but OP was hurt and clearly couldn't be in the room anymore.

Here is an example of kicking someone when they are down …

there is a bigger picture here - OP’s lifetime of struggles with interpersonal / social relationships

it’s really sad

Have you read all her posts? She has explained that by going nuclear she meant she has left the WhatsApp group with SIL and BIL.

You are so unreasonable I'm not sure where to start. Maybe your use of "bitch"- nasty, misogynistic insult which is never justified.

I acquired a husband when I married. It would utterly ridiculous to think I acquired a "new sister" and a "new brother" too.

It makes me wonder, when someone asks if they're being unreasonable and is told by most posters that they are... they still refuse to accept any other perspective and every further post just shows what an unreasonable person they are.

It's a terrible response and it does site she's the problem here.

It's a massive overreaction.