To have nothing further to do with them?

I can see why you’re upset as you feel your child is being excluded. I think your reaction is a bit extreme though. Also, isn’t the onus on your dh to liaise with his sister regarding her son? I leave dp to deal with his sisters now and meet ups between the cousins, because I refuse to be his PA regarding his family. I tried to arrange meet ups with them and the kids but it never really worked out and I think they preferred to deal with their brother, which is fair enough

So you went from pestering them constantly for contact and didn’t take the hint that they didn’t want to, to completely blocking them and sulking. Do you always think you should get your own way? You wanted a relationship, they didn’t. You don’t seem to accept that other people are allowed to make their own choices.

Good grief. I think I know why they’re limiting contact

Genuine question: why don’t you have money for your kid’s birthday party?

it doesn’t have to be big or expensive. You have all year to prep, plan, beg , borrow or steal yet you don’t, but still have multiple opportunities to invite his cousin to various events including a holiday .

also what do you mean about them being each other’s only family one day?
do you all have a genetic terminal illness?
sounds intense and I can see why they might have backed off .

purposefully keeping the party a secret is odd but they obviously have been trying to show you for a long time that they don’t want the closeness you need

You are trying to create a sibling relationship to replace a real sibling, they don't feel the need to do that. It is perfectly normal for them to want to strike out a little on their own, doesn't mean they don't still like your child. Equally, they can be excited to see each other without wanting to be besties or see each other all the time.

If they are genuinely 'dodging you' that's hard for you, but there should be absolutely no presumption that they will want to holiday etc with each other. They're only 7! Even if they sounded really enthusiastic about it I would not be allowing my 7 year old to go away with another family or sleepovers etc.

Actually, is this a reverse?

OP - it’s really normal to just have school friends at a birthday party for a 7 year old, then have cake/celebration separately with grandparents /wider family, which is what they’ve done. Because you’ve only done the family tea thing, you’ve never hosted a birthday party for your child to invite/not invite their cousin to.

You sound as though you barely have the maturity of a seven year old yourself!

It is absolutely the norm to separate birthday celebrations between much loved school friends and much loved family members at this age.

They are probably avoiding you, not your DS. Because you are so intense and reactive.

It’s awful of them to invite friends but not an actual family member who they spend Christmas and holidays with.

it really isn’t. A party full of their school friends with one random cousin that only the birthday child knows would throw off the whole dynamic. You really aren’t taking on board what anyone is pointing out to you op. I’m sorry you are so upset, but they have done nothing wrong.

Huh? This is so bizarre! They’re cousins, not sisters.

And even then, kids tend to have their own parties as they get older, which absolutely don’t revolve around or even involve family members. It’s perfectly normal to have separate friend events and family events - can be a bit weird in fact to invite a sibling/cousin to an event involving an established friendship group.

You sound massively intense and entitled. If you aren’t careful you will raise your daughter to be intense and entitled too.

Cousins don’t have to be invited to parties. Your reaction is OTT doing all that whilst they are sat downstairs

Honestly I think they couldn’t have made it more clear to you that this is a one sided thing. They’ve turned down multiple invites despite your many many offers.

The child can invite whoever they want to their party, a cousin they’re not close to won’t be top of the list especially given they don’t even want play dates with your child.

Cant believe you’ve stormed off upstairs and gone all dramatic on social media whilst sulking, I’m embarrassed for you!

No, it’s not awful. It’s realising that mixing friends you know from difficult situations is difficult. The party would be your DC plus a bunch of their cousin’s school friends. It wouldn’t work.

Ridiculous overreaction and you sound terribly childish. Your husband's sister's kid who your kid hasn't seen for half a year didn't invite your kid to their party. So flipping what?

You need to teach your child resilience. Not everyone gets invited to everything.

You should teach them that if someone talks about a party or event they had or attended and you weren't there, you simply listen and react in a neutral or positive way. And be happy that they had a nice time.

Rather than sulking and 'going nuclear' and vowing to cut contact with them permanently.

I think you've acted rather embarrassingly.

I am in a similar situation with an only child and a cousin who’s also an only child.

Regarding birthday party, I would guess that this year the cousin wants a party more with school friends and it can be difficult to mix up family and school hence keeping them separate. We also did the same though there was no secrecy involved.

It is also possible that the children aren’t getting on along as well as you think they are. This happened with DD and her cousin (though they were older when this happened) so we changed up how we did things, going out and doing something rather than them playing together while me and DSis drank tea.

But the other thing is where is your DH in all this? Has he asked his sister what’s going on?

Also by 7 it’s not awful not to invite a family member. It’s actually very normal.

My thoughts exactly, did your dc invite cousin to their party?

This is about you not your DC. Why are you so intense about this relationship? I think it would help you to unpick this. It’s really on your DH to organise the meet ups and set the cadence.

I can see it's tough snd they havent handled it well but you are being over dramatic. By the time they get to 7 they choose their own friends. You cant assume they will be friends for the rest of their lives. You have hidden what sex they are. If they are opposite sex then I cant see one girl being invited a a party of boys who know each other well from school or vice versa.

I can understand trying to facilitate a relationship. I'm not close to any of my own cousins due to the lack of effort our parents made with us spending family time together. I get wanting to bring cousins together and hoping they'll forge a close relationship. It can't be a one way thing though.

Going nuclear isn't going to help and I wonder where that extreme reaction comes from.

No, it isn't awful.
You've no idea if the other child adores your child as much as you seem to think.
Stop being so overbearing.

I can totally understand how upsetting this is but you've massively overreacted.

It also sounds as though you may have been harbouring an unrealistic expectation for your DC about their cousin. You should have been explaining in an age appropriate way that cousin is busy / has other friends / has other things going on and should have been encouraging your DC to do the same?

Given the amount of times you list that they've made excuses / not seeing them in 6 months I'm surprised your DC hasn't forgotten all about their beloved cousin.

Refocus your time and energy on the people who do want to be around your DC, they are the relationships you need to foster.

Why are you facilitating the relationship so much? It's up to DH and his sister how much contact they (and the kids) have and when.