To have nothing further to do with them?

Massive drip feed OP.

It sounds hurtful OP. But who knows maybe the cousins will have a relationship in the future. Things change sometimes. Maybe it’s not the parents but their child who wasn’t keen. Or maybe the parents want to have a more casual relationship with you ie. nothing to do with the children. Just keep your distance, don’t do invites for now.

I completely agree.

You sound way too intense. I’d be super creeped out if someone wanted to take my 7 year old on holiday to force a relationship with their child. That’s a bit weird.

They’re cousins with parents who don’t sound very close. Who cares if they’re close? Who cares if they don’t have other close family? They will have friends and partners and children maybe and no one will be thinking about a distant cousin. I have a whole boatload of cousins on both sides (I’d guess at least 30). I could not even tell you what one of them is called. Couldn’t even take a guess. I haven’t seen a single one in at least 30 years. Not at all bothered. I am not lonely. I have Dh and my dc and lots of friends and Dh’s family.

While that sounds hard, you ard the only one who can change this (by making friends), it's not the responsibility of your in-laws. Join some clubs. Geg some hobbies.

Absolute rubbish.

I’m an only child, both of my parents and all grandparents are deceased.

I’m not on my own by any stretch of the imagination!

I have a small circle of close friends and a wider circle of friends who I socialise and do many activities with.

I holiday with my friends as well as DH and DS.

I spend Christmas with DS, DH and all of DH family, they are my family now.

It’s tricky, my youngest doesn’t invite cousins to the birthday party we hold each year, he invites his school friends.
He adores his cousins, one of which is an only child and they aren’t that far apart in age (all between 3 years of each other)
We don’t invite family members to birthday parties as they wouldn’t know the other children there, so the birthday child would have to make sure they weren’t left out.
We Instead hold a family party as well for cousins, aunts/uncles and grandparents so we can all catch up that way.
I think your In laws probably aren’t as bothered about the only child thing as you are and some need to facilitate visits to create a strong bond.
I get why you’re a little upset in general about the lack of effort, it would be nice for the children if they get on, to see each other on a regular basis.
However I’m with them on the birthday party, I wouldn’t have invited your child either if it was a party full of school friends. Your child would have known no one else there.

I agree. Does your dc tantrum too?

Please don’t but your most off to spite your face. Take a deep breath calm down then go downstairs. Apologise for your over reaction and communicate like an adult.

They probably wanted a class party, that’s really common at 7/8. They are celebrating with you today. Don’t let your insecurities damage the family relationship further

Sorry OP, I do think YABU in your reaction to this, although I can see why you were upset that they don't think the same of the relationship as you do. They have been a bit insensitive in my opinion, but you are giving them all the power by showing them how upset you are now.

Just give them some space and hopefully things will settle down in time. 🤞

I think you have read the room incorrectly. You’ve pushed & pushed which has driven them away. And going nuclear probably proves what they already think.

In my family cousins used to be invited to birthday parties when the children were little but not as they got older and parties got smaller / involved a small number of their school friends. The cousin would just feel left out and awkward if all the other children are friends. Are you completely sure the cousin is as keen as your child to spend time together? My daughter really struggles with one of her cousins and so doesn’t want to see her as much as they get older

Huh?

my daughters pasty cost me £120.

it'll be less expensive than a holiday where you're paying for fuel, accommodation and food?

this is nuts

In what way are you and your child ND?

Wow, that's some sweeping statement! Hugely unfair on NT people, and I say that as someone who is also ND! Perhaps your bluntness is an issue for some?

DC isn't being bullied and excluded!

It is completely normal to have multiple birthday celebrations, one for family and one for friends.

if you have never invited their DC to a “proper” birthday party (soft play, village hall etc) then it’s really very unreasonable of you to throw your toys out of the pram that your DC wasn’t invited to theirs.

they have done nothing wrong.

many people do not have a lot of family. It doesn’t mean they are alone. They create friends and family.

my brother emigrated to NZ and has a lovely wife and kids and has made many friends.

Oh for goodness sake stop being so overdramatic.

I think it depends on how important cousin-ship is to you. In some cultures it's a big deal, and then within a culture, for some families it's a bigger deal than others.

I just calculated how many cousins I have (I had to write their names down on a bit of paper). It's a total of 6, two of whom are now dead. I think I've seen one of them in the last 10 years. We are all, to all intents and purposes, acquaintances. They're all perfectly fine people but they're not part of our lives.

Come to that I haven't seen my sister (who lives four hours away) in about 3 or 4 years — she's 8 years older than me. When our parents died we got together to sort stuff out, but otherwise we are polite acquaintances as our childhoods barely overlapped.

No, it’s not parents who could see their child rejected and not care, it’s parents who don’t see it as a rejection.

I have a cousin a few months older than me. We never went to each other’s birthday parties, and neither of us ever saw that as a rejection.

Different families have different ways of doing things. OP thinks cousins should be invited no matter what. I would assume her SIL or BIL come from a family where this just isn’t the case. The child doesn’t want to invite their cousin, so the parents don’t make them, but they do say “maybe dont mention your fun party to your cousin, its not polite to talk about something they weren’t invited to”. And the child has thoughtlessly not been able to keep shtum.

I would get DH to ask about why they didn't invite your DC. Tell them how you both feel (assuming it's a shared view), that you really want the DC to be close so they have each other when you're all gone, and it's very upsetting for DC to be excluded, even worse lying about it all. See if he can get the truth out of them and if whatever the issue is can be changed. If as some posters say it is because they find you too much, can DC be dropped off? If it is because they just can't be bothered can DH pick up their DC? Kindly I do think you're overreacting - I totally sympathise why and I think you're perfectly entitled to be upset. But your blocking them etc is too much and clearly stems from the wider sense of exclusion you mention in your last post. I'd be upfront, find out the reason, and see what can be done about it. But PPs ate also rigjt that family isn't everything, DC may well have friends and a partner who can be their family for birthdays and Christmas. Better no family than a shit one.

Does your child not have any friends? Is this why it’s so important to you?

My child is an only, as am I and DH, but I don’t have this irrational fear that you have that she’ll be alone when we’re dead.

Concentrate on building friendships for your child, throw them a party! It’s sad your 7 year old has never had a birthday party!

Friends are the family you chose yourself.

This is not necessarily true at all! You're projecting your experiences. Your child will make their own way without you pushing in!