To have nothing further to do with them?

I don't think it's OK to not invite your child to the party... how can you explain that to a child.. It's mean and spiteful.. I'd stay away for a while but maybe later on see if you can find out what there reason is for such hurtful behaviour? But long term your child will be able to decide if they want to make a relationship with them.. how about your child sends nice hi how's things? Cards... to stay in touch? she.. he could send a card saying she? Is so pleased to hear that the party was good but is really sad too have missed it... It's really best to try to keep it friendly on your child's part... But I think this might be easier said than done at the moment... All the best to you both.. ❤️❤️

How far away does SIL live that your DH can’t swing back for you on Boxing Day?

OP I agree with other posters that I think RSD has kicked in big time here. Age 7 it’s very normal to have school parties without cousins (we do the same now and cousins call over for cake after school instead). I think your most telling post is where you say you don’t have mum friends; what is your general social circle like? Could it be you’ve pinned an awful lot on this relationship and as such you’ve taken it very very hard.

I think your reaction is overly strong - don’t cut them off completely, for the sake of your DC. Does he have friends at school he mentions that you could try and coordinate some play dates with?

Why are you forcing this ' friendship ' on the cousins ?

Clearly your brother and sister in law don't want it, could you not take the hint ?!

and now you are having a childish strop - shame on you !

As for this nonsense that the cousin will be the only family when your child grows up - so what !

I never saw my cousins since teenage years when I no longer had to visit Aunty & Uncle,
next time I saw them was when some of them turned up like vultures at my Mother's funeral
and again at my Father's funeral - after which one of them had the cheek to ask the solicitor was that all she was getting ? and what about her brother and sisters ?
My reply, via the solicitor, was that I, and only I, was the only beneficiary in both wills and that anything she received i.e. £'0000's ! was equal in £'s to an item ( jewellery ) my Mother had given her sister whilst my Mother was still alive.
Cousin was not pleased and luckily neither I nor the solicitor ever heard from any of them again, however she wasn't upset enough to return the £'0000's she received out of the goodness of my heart.

back to the cousin's party, stop making it all about you ! they have turned up today and have seen your dd !!!

Or do they have a completely different lifestyle to you ? Basically are they snobs?
I have one friend who won't invite her sister and nephews to party's and such because she is on uc and in a council house. She is a snob .Its really mean .

Now I'm even more convinced it's a DH problem, if he's the one who actually has to facilitate meet-ups by doing all the driving.

So here's a question for you @Pouticel. What was your DH doing last weekend? Did he have plans? Because I wonder if he knew about the party but didn't want to drive your DC there so he agreed/conspired with his sister and her brother not to tell you about it!

If your PIL live right next to you, then it makes sense to do Boxing Day at your house or theirs and then sil and husband and child can do the travelling. Have you really been missing out on Boxing Day for 7 years since your child was born? That is madness. Your husband should be making you a priority at Christmas not enabling the rest of his family.

Very sensible and kind advice x

Why can’t they come to you and your dh on Boxing Day?

YABU about the party invitation.
They probably invited all their classmates. That's completely normal. We always had 2 parties - one for school friends and one for family.
Your DC won't have known anyone else at the party other than the cousin.

In how they treat you generally, I think it's pretty obvious that they're not really in to you. I am not sure if they are being deliberately cruel or they are trying to quietly back away due to how you might react - which seems extreme. You are coming across as a drama llama.

Easy to say as an adult. But if you read MN, the idea that children want to see their friends in holidays as outrageous - holidays are for families. There was a lot thread this summer with many people saying there’s no way they would have a play date with a school friend in the summer holidays.

So if you have any only child and little family (or you do have family but why should they be bothered with you), your child has very lonely holidays because no one wants to hang out with them.

That’s the overwhelming position of MN. Every family is an island and shouldn’t expect or even hope for anything from anyone else.

Quite often I hate MN for this attitude towards only children, and have to leave it for a while.

You’re too needy and drama llama - I’d back off.

It's possible to understand how OPs ND has affected her reaction/behaviour but also realise that the other family members haven't necessarily behaved badly.

To be honest your whole family dynamic seems odd. You don't go and visit anyone in the family because you can't fit in the car so you are left behind. The boxing day exclusion is unforgivable. If your DH has to ferry his parents around maybe a bigger car is in order or depending how far away they live a taxi on these occasions.

Child not being invited to two parties, and the parents clearly instructing their child not to mention it - which inevitably, they did. OP may be a bit over the top friendly but this is family. If they didn’t want it why didn’t they just say so ? Why come over and have OP’s DC upset by learning that they weren’t wanted at the party. It’s nasty.

Do you think that your DH feels that he sometimes has to keep you separate from his family? The Boxing day thing is odd.

This entire dynamic sounds very unusual. First things first, stop the Boxing Day tradition you’ve unintentionally started. Your husband is not responsible for driving his parents to his sisters, you need to do an alternative that doesn’t leave you out.

As for the party, it is what it is, kids start having class parties based around their friends and not their family. We’ve drifted away from the “must invite so and so because…” thinking over the years and we just invite who our daughters want to invite. If the parent is offended it’s on them, it’s just not our problem. We’ve taught our girls that they won’t get invited to everything and that’s ok because they won’t invite everyone to things they do.

it sounds like you maybe just don’t mesh well with each other and that’s ok too, you can’t make people like you. Honestly pick up the book Let Them by Mel robbins. It’ll help you understand situations like this and how to move on from them, it really helped me with lots of things.

This made me understand why you are reacting so strongly: you don't have friends and neither does your dc so you need this family more than they need you. Since you're autistic like my teenage son I will say the same thing that I do to him: please try to match the other person's energy. You invite once, they turn down. Next time is on them to initiate contact if they so wish. You don't keep asking the person to see you/see your son. This can feel overwhelming and oppressive to the other party.

I feel sad that you haven't got many friends. I think if you're less intense in relationship you would have more success. Leave a door open and let the other person step in. Don't try to drag them in. Maybe you could see a therapist to work on social skills. For you, but also so you could help your son with this. It's really hard because autistic people need to actually learn this while for most nt people it comes naturally. Sending love.❤️

This is very odd. Most cars can fit 4 adults and a child in.

There is something else going on here.

I get what you’re saying about RSD and how triggering it is. Yet it’s a me problem. It’s hard to change your mindset, I know. However, the parents haven’t done anything drastically wrong. No way would I have been ok for my sil to take dd away with her even if offered. Age 7 is very little.

We used to invite dd’s younger cousin to all of dd’s parties when she was young, the last one being when she was about 7. Dd only once got invited back. I got upset about it in silence, hugged dd through it and now in their teens, the 2 cousins have started to have a relationship independent of parents.

My dd is an only child. You don’t force others into a quasi sibling situation. You give your child the opportunity with any kids you can. And your dc may choose to do it themselves as they get older. My dd and another lad decided at age 16 they’re brother and sister.

It sounds like you are projecting. I don't think there is anything wrong with the birthday boy only inviting friends. It's really hard if you have one child who doesn't know anyone else at a party.
My mum always used to insist on my niece coming to my kids parties. As I have two children the non birthday child would play with their cousin while the birthday child would play with their friends.
Seeing as you (maybe your child) often feel excluded maybe they feel not inviting you to situations like this is for the best as otherwise you would probably moan that the cousin is ignoring your child at the party. I find it easier to do something separate with my niece as that way there is no issue of the kids having someone they would rather play with.

I don't understand your Christmas situation though where you don't go.

I wouldn't want mediation, they've made their point, sad loss imo, family connections are important too.
Good luck OP, book a nice day trip out for boxing day with your DH, let them take a taxi to wherever.

No, she's being overbearing, while her overall intent isn't necessarily bad.

Hi OP. You sound very upset and confused. Could you ask your husband to mediate a bit, try to understand what's caused the distancing?

It might help you understand how they've experienced this as well as having your own pov.

Then you can decide together how to proceed. It must be tough on your husband being in the middle of all of this conflict.

4 seater cars aren’t that unusual.

mini.

c1.