To have nothing further to do with them?

Can't choose your family. Neither can you make it into an image of what you would like it to be. There may be all sorts of reasons why your SIL doesnt want to spend time with your family or parents. You find it upsetting but you have done your best so just let it go. Being so angry is just a massive waste of energy.

It is absolutely fine for people to prioritise friends over family. Just because you are related to someone doesn’t mean you get on. Are you saying you think people should prioritise people they don’t like because they happen to be related?

Excluding PIL from seeing their granddaughter is awful imo.

But they haven't excluded PIL from seeing the GD - they're seeing her today.

There is no rule that family have to attend kid's birthday parties!

All of DS's parties were class only.

They def sound like they aren’t interested in you guys or your PILs, stuff them. It was prob a bit dramatic blocking them but hey ho at least that will upset them and it might make them think about their behaviour towards their family. Give it a bit cooling off time then ask your husband to text them to see if the cousins want to face time. It’s then keeping the relationship just between the kids and then when they have their own devices they can keep in touch that way, means you don’t have to bother with them. Some people are just selfish and insular, it’s a shame for the kids, don’t see them again but do what you can to encourage the kids to have some contact, use the PILs if needs be.

Think I know what your going through op I also had similar feelings with my only ds but let me tell you this one day you will look back and realise you didn't need to worry my ds is doing extremely well with loads of friends and full of confidence you don't need to keep trying and thinking so hard relax and this time will pass and going forward you will feel alot better when you see your dc growing up into thier own person. Life changes so much its even possible they will initiate thier own friendship as adults stop giving this so much headspace let them get on with thier life and you and dc get on with yours

I get that you really want your DD to have her cousin as family there for her in the future, as you mentioned her having nobody else
.….but you seem to be putting a barrier in the way of that now with this anger and saying you’ll cut them off. Also you’re saying that you’d now refuse to be your DD’s
cousin’s guardian if something happened to the in-laws.
It’s clear that you’re feeling hurt, and I can see why. But surely you should put the girls (and your desire for them to have a strong relationship all through their lives) first.

I'd donate bone marrow to my sister if it matched and she needed it but I'd rather not spend an afternoon with her at the moment. And that's OK. The other one is fine. You don't have to be friends with family. Two different things.

@Pouticel some people don't have very nice families though.

Well yes, as they can choose their friends, and like them. Blood doesn't mean you like people.

Ok so I can see you’re very hurt in all of this.

And yes, some aspects of their behaviour do seem quite odd. The oddest thing in the whole set up is your DH prioritising taking PIL to your SIL’s and you being left all alone on Boxing Day tbh. That’s just really odd that one of the owners of the car would be the person who “can’t” go.

The party - I don’t think it is that odd for a child to have a party with just school friends and not a cousin. Inviting cousins does tend to peter out by school age - keeping it going til 7 is quite a long time!

And if they never get an equivalent party invite back from your DC because you “can’t afford it”, they may well be upset about that. I put it in “” because it’s always a choice and a prioritisation, and tbh even at school the families who never give a party and yet expect their DC to be invited do end up breeding a bit of resentment.

So re your upset with this event, the thing to do would be to not say anything about it today, go on as normal for your DC’s sake so as not to ruin their day, and then just quietly have nothing to do with them from here on in. Not flouncing upstairs, no dramatically leaving WhatsApp groups. These things are just embarrassing tbh. You need to maintain your dignity.

For your DC's sake, is there no chance that you would apologise for your reaction today, and explain in a simple, non-dramatic fashion that you are worried about your DC having no family as they grow up?

Just take the pressure off everyone. Then move forward.

Re. parties:
My own kids had school friend based parties, plus separate much smaller birthday cake -teas- and presents with family, and that was normal in our circles. We couldn't afford large parties either, except once when we had a joint one with another family. We had friends to the house for games and treasure hunts, and later things like cinema trips etc. You don't have to spend a fortune.

"The question is why is my DC not considered to be one of cousin’s friends?"

Because your relatives are not necessarily your friends. It may be that the cousin was fed up of being forced to socialise with your child. It's not the end of the world.

You are projecting your own issues onto this situation. Not having siblings or other relatives doesn't mean that you are alone in the world. Chosen family is more important than blood family.

And I'm sure they speak highly of you too.

This attitude is probably what has exacerbated this situation. Although I suspect you are bothered, they are not.

So yes forget about them, everyone will be happier.

This is it, isn't it?

@Pouticel do they even want your DH to keep bringing PIL? Maybe they stopped visiting them for a reason? And maybe the fact your DH keeps bringing them is making them think they need to distance themselves from him and you, too?

You sound very angry but equally very passive (just accepting there's no room in the car for you), I don't really understand it.

Great. Now you know that it's not a vendetta against you and your DC alone. That must make you feel better, it would me anyway.

im sorry OP but you seem desperate here to force a friendship.

just because someone is family doesnt mean they have to be best friends.
as i said in my PP, i barely saw my cousins, never invited them to parties nor was i invited to theirs. still loved them, just didnt have to be best friends.

my DDs cousin who she sees every other week, i dont ever see her parents. havent in 4 years.

your posts are reading a little bit 'woe is me'

saying 'they can have their friends raise there kids and can f off' is just sounding like a child throwing their toys out. of course if something was to happen to them theyd rather have family raise their child.

hell, i dont see my own mum for months at a time, maybe 3 times a year. she lives 12 minutes away. we both drive. nor do we call each other regularly, maybe every 6-8 weeks at a minimum. can be upto 3 months before i even speak to her.

i see my DPs mum every week to take her shopping.

doesnt mean i care less about my own mum.

shes family, i know where she is if i need her and vice versa. it just means we accept were both adults who live their own lives.
no body needs to force any form of friendship.

It sounds like you take a lot of things very personally when the reasons behind them might not actually have anything to do with you.

That will not make you easy company.

Are the children both developmentally similar? I have children with ASD and they have similar aged cousins. In the early years they spent time together, but tbh as the years went on they really had very little in common. They're nice to each other now, but there's no pretending that they have anything in common.

Apart from the ridiculous ‘have another child’ part the rest of this is spot on. (Unless it was sarcasm that I didn’t read correctly)

But it's also not fair to have another child just to support a potentially difficult one. You can't guarantee that friendship either.