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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 21/09/2025 15:48

Overtheatlantic · 21/09/2025 15:34

For all we know OPs parents could be Lord and Lady Heatherington and all first born grandchildren are born at the family pile. So maybe it’s her normal?

But not his, so he’s bored 🤷🏻‍♀️

JMSA · 21/09/2025 15:46

As a grown woman, I think I’d just like to be in my own home.

warmapplepies · 21/09/2025 15:44

I wouldn't want to spend weeks at my in-laws when I could be in my own home either - the fact that they aren't home wouldn't really make a difference.

Bippybop · 21/09/2025 15:43

Mills and boon is a book op.

Bippybop · 21/09/2025 15:42

Sounds all to smushy babyish for me.
You lost me at special time what in someone else's home no thanks.
Sounds like hes just a tag on and your having baby Jesus.
Princess vibes.

Challenger2A7 · 21/09/2025 15:42

That's very odd, quite creepy, and given the fact that 28 billion women on the planet are pregnant right now, stop over-romanticising it. If you don't stop farting your husband about, he will leave, though probably not immediately. What's wrong with your own home? What's the hidden agenda?

harriethoyle · 21/09/2025 15:41

This sounds utterly suffocating. Poor man. We’re currently staying with the in laws every other weekend for a variety of reasons and even when they’re not there, I don’t feel relaxed, because however nice it is, it’s not my home. You really need to chill out @LaniJen

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/09/2025 15:37

I always feel a bit strange and bored in other people's home, even on holidays.

orangejacketlamp · 21/09/2025 15:36

I mean if you had no idea and only found out through reading a text then he’s at least being respectful enough to not show it.

Luckyingame · 21/09/2025 15:35

I'm not surprised.
He's tagging along and realising he will be,
for a very long time.

Overtheatlantic · 21/09/2025 15:34

For all we know OPs parents could be Lord and Lady Heatherington and all first born grandchildren are born at the family pile. So maybe it’s her normal?

ginasevern · 21/09/2025 15:33

I wouldn't have thought this was an average sort of arrangement OP. Most couples don't decamp somewhere else for "me" time before the baby arrives and why would you want to give birth at your parents' house? Quite frankly it all sounds suffocatingly twee and rather enmeshed. I imagine your DH would far prefer to be at home with all his familiar comforts and "things". I also imagine that he might not be as super duper excited about your parents' involvement as you are. Personally I think it sounds rather hellish and a tad embarrassing for him.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 15:33

Coconutter24 · 21/09/2025 15:32

But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.

How did all the messages come up when he was trying to connect to Bluetooth? Or did you look through his phone and see them? Also why do you mention he was talking to a female family member then put and her DH in brackets, so he was talking to them both?

The op never clarified that

and we shall never know!

Coconutter24 · 21/09/2025 15:32

But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.

How did all the messages come up when he was trying to connect to Bluetooth? Or did you look through his phone and see them? Also why do you mention he was talking to a female family member then put and her DH in brackets, so he was talking to them both?

Zucker · 21/09/2025 15:31

Do you both have plans of things to do in this special "us" time or is it more of a gaze deeply into each others eyes talking endlessly about feelings?

susiedaisy1912 · 21/09/2025 15:30

I get that you wanted a week in the countryside if you live in the city. But I would get yourself home and enjoy going out for some meals, going to the cinema, seeing friends etc before the chaos of having a newborn.

outerspacepotato · 21/09/2025 15:30

It's someone else's home, not his and he's not comfortable there. And it's your parents home, not just a hotel or someplace where he could actually relax. A home birth at someone else's home? Geez, I don't blame him at all. Sounds hellish to me.

PigletJohn · 21/09/2025 15:29

Staying in the house you grew up in is one thing.

Staying in the house somebody else grew up in is quite different.

boberto88 · 21/09/2025 15:29

I’d be bored as fuck too

MaybeIf · 21/09/2025 15:29

Acatinthehat · 21/09/2025 15:27

This is a really good point! Before I gave birth I was going to the cinema, going to pubs (obvs not drinking but allowing DH to), seeing friends as much as possible, going out for food etc. You will be doing what you are doing now after the baby arrives and trust me, it can get a bit boring! If you still have time go out and enjoy your freedom before baby comes xx

Show quote history

That’s what we did after I went on mat leave! It was lovely.

WFHforevermore · 21/09/2025 15:28

Sounds very controlling of you, especially checking his messages.

Acatinthehat · 21/09/2025 15:27

ThisAmberOrca · 21/09/2025 14:19

It would be my idea of hell. i would do it for my partner (and he’s doing it for you!), but i wouldn’t enjoy it at all. especially just before a baby arrives- you will have years of spending at home (babysitters are incredibly expensive)

This is a really good point! Before I gave birth I was going to the cinema, going to pubs (obvs not drinking but allowing DH to), seeing friends as much as possible, going out for food etc. You will be doing what you are doing now after the baby arrives and trust me, it can get a bit boring! If you still have time go out and enjoy your freedom before baby comes xx

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/09/2025 15:27

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/09/2025 15:04

But why is everyone all so ‘of course he’s bored out of his brains’? Ignore the pregnancy, they went to the parents place at 39 weeks, she’d have mentioned if she’s a week overdue- who doesn’t expect their husband to be able to spend a few evenings in their company without being bored? Yes without their own friends and hobbies right there to entertain them, I don’t know anyone who doesnt expect this of their dh. Why even marry someone if you can’t do that??

Without my normal day to day routine, or on a holiday where we are going out new places etc, in all honesty me and probably dh would most likely be bored of just each others company for more than a few days.

We have been happily married for nearly 20 years so I don't think this puts puts our relationship in a bad light!

Hardhaton1 · 21/09/2025 15:26

I don’t think we can expect the OP back 🤣🤣

WallaceinAnderland · 21/09/2025 15:26

Surely your own home is more relaxing than staying in someone else's? Just go home and enjoy yourselves there.

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