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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 21/09/2025 20:04

‘Special time’

I would rather be in labour.

Strikingitlucky · 21/09/2025 20:04

I would take the opportunity to go out for lunches, walks, seeing friends, cinema etc and generally be going out and about if you feel okay than being stuck in at your mums house. You and your partner are going to have many days and nights at home with a newborn, and sometimes you feel like climbing the walls. You be itching to put your baby in a pram and go for a walk at that point. Been there, not fun at all..

Quandri · 21/09/2025 20:03

To be honest I thought the “special time” was going to be about having sex to bring on labour.

DaffodilDoes · 21/09/2025 20:02

“Special time” is vomit inducing.
Go home and stop being weird.

Branleuse · 21/09/2025 19:57

Why is he bitching to others but acting to you like he's having a lovely time?

Whether anyone else thinks it sounds boring or not, we do kinda rely on people actually using their words and talking about it. Youre not a mindreader!

I do think op if this is a special thing that you need to do, then just try and enjoy it and take the strength you need from this low key break.
Your husband will cope with being a bit bored here and there, and even if hes doing it for you, thats ok.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 21/09/2025 19:47

itsobviousright · 21/09/2025 19:43

So what can't he do there that he does at home, where I assume he isn't bored??

Odd jobs around the house, mow the lawn, chat to his neighbours, read a random magazine from his vast collection, wear anything from his wardrobe, rearrange his wardrobe, go on his rowing machine, hang out out in his shed, cook with his favourite gadgets and spices etc etc etc.

itsobviousright · 21/09/2025 19:43

So what can't he do there that he does at home, where I assume he isn't bored??

tripleginandtonic · 21/09/2025 19:40

It doesn't seem very relaxing having a home birth nit in yoyr in home so I can see where dps coming from.

Thephantom · 21/09/2025 19:35

MyElatedUmberFinch · 21/09/2025 19:26

I’d hate to be the DH, I would prefer to be home with all my own stuff.

This^. I'd be bored spending weeks in someone else's house. You're probably feeling relaxed because it's your own parents home. Imagine spending weeks at your in law's place, even without them being there. Boring and a PITA.

devildeepbluesea · 21/09/2025 19:28

Mate, this sounds fucking batshit. Why on earth would you up sticks to someone else’s house just before a baby is born? Surely you’ll have enough upheaval in the next few weeks.

Just pack up, go home and grt
back to normal. The last few days of normal is what you need.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 21/09/2025 19:26

I’d hate to be the DH, I would prefer to be home with all my own stuff.

ManteesRock · 21/09/2025 19:25

Why is no one picking up on the fact that OP was checking his phone!

If this was "I looked at my wife's phone while trying to connect to the Bluetooth and saw she was venting to a relative that's she's bored" everyone would be saying he was controlling and shouldn't be looking at his wife's phone!

Hankunamatata · 21/09/2025 19:25

He is allowed to be bored.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/09/2025 19:25

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 16:13

Sorry, we’ve been out for a walk.
My parents live in the countryside not far from our home. Hospital is the same hospital. This has been discussed with midwifery team as I am very keen on a home birth and this house is more suitable. I am not far from a hospital if I need to go in or if baby doesn’t come on their own.

Tbh op i'd be pretty bumbed if my DH found a week with me, where he's working anyway so it's not like it's 18 hours a day starting into each others eyes lol, boring. We enjoy each others company, similar tastes in TV, able to spend time together doing our own stuff etc'

DramaLlamacchiato · 21/09/2025 19:23

Alittlefrustrated · 21/09/2025 16:16

It's a strange idea TBH. I imagine he wants to be in his own home, and would prefer baby to be born in their /his/your own home too.
On the positive side he loves you enough to put up with your requests - he's allowed to moan/let off steam to his family.
What's wrong with the home you've made together?

This.

Hes going along with it and venting to someone privately. It is allowed!

ManteesRock · 21/09/2025 19:15

Honestly I love my in-laws and my DP but that sounds like hell to me!
It's your family home not his; it'll be impossible for him to relax there

coravantexel · 21/09/2025 19:13

As marvellous as it can be, in my experience motherhood is one huge exercise in various things not living up to your hopes and expectations. Learning to let go of how you thought it would be is a skill you will hone to perfection! So I’d let this go.

Bitsnbobs123 · 21/09/2025 19:10

WhamBamThankU · 21/09/2025 19:08

It was a batshit idea and now you know he’s not enjoying it surely you’ll go back home?

It’s not a batshit idea if she feels relaxed and comfortable there. Plus he may be bored but he seems happy to do it for her.

WhamBamThankU · 21/09/2025 19:08

It was a batshit idea and now you know he’s not enjoying it surely you’ll go back home?

BountifulPantry · 21/09/2025 19:06

Well he is allowed to be bored. It’s fair for him to feel that way.

Hotdoughnut · 21/09/2025 19:04

This sounds like my idea of hell. I'd want to be in my own home, not a guest in someone else's home. Forced relaxing doesn't sound like fun.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 21/09/2025 19:01

@LaniJen why would you not want to have the baby in your own home? dont understand??

HelenHywater · 21/09/2025 18:57

I think the whole arrangement sounds odd tbh, and I don't blame him for feeling unhappy with being away from home. But he's done it for you - you can't stop him feeling unhappy about it though.

Littlemisscapable · 21/09/2025 18:56

Rachie1973 · 21/09/2025 18:41

OP are you planning a 2 week ‘babybubble’ after the birth too? because I fear for his sanity lol.

Honestly, just talk to him. He clearly wanted to do the right thing by you but isn’t enjoying the enforced alone time.

Oh this !

LillyPJ · 21/09/2025 18:56

I can't understand why you didn't just stay in your own home. I'd much prefer to relax there than stay in someone else's house. Also, I can understand why he finds it boring. In your own house, there's always things to do, even if it's just mending something or going through your photo albums. He can't do anything like that in your parents' house.