I deregged my previous account and I wasn't going to post this as I was made to feel like I shouldn't be posting with the “you've posted about this before”, grandson won't help himself and I'm at my wit’s end. I thought MN was supposed to be supportive.
But anyway, ill try keep this brief and answer any questions. My grandson is 17, he lives with me and my son. They moved in 2 years ago and my son moved out but he's living back with us now. When he wasn't living with us, grandson didn't have a relationship with him, he didn't reply to his messages unless to ask for things and didn't really come down and see him either. He would lie to him and say we had no food in and ask for money, my son would automatically send it without asking me. He threatened suicide so my son would buy him a new PC. He self harms and smokes weed.
He basically had no education for 2 years but I managed to get him to go to college and he had gone everyday but was adamant he didn't want any friends so he hasn't really socialised with anyone. He didn't go Friday because he “couldn't be bothered”. I suspect he is autistic like my son, but he won't listen. He just says nothings wrong with him and due to his age we need his consent to talk to the GP, there was a CAMHS referral over a year ago but he's likely to be 18 first and tbh I don't think they'd help anyway.
His mum was neglectful so he and his siblings (the siblings aren't my sons children) were taken and my son was given sole custody, he doesn't really talk about it/her but I do think she's the reason for some of his issues. He has contact with her over FB messenger but I don't know how much or how little. He did say she didn't wish him a happy birthday a few weeks ago and I think she's got his siblings back as she's posted them on FB, whereas with him they had a meeting to see if she could have contact, even if it was supervised and she said she couldn't be bothered and walked out. In an ice breaker thing at college they did a two truths and a lie game on one of the first days and one of his where that his mum doesn't love him, this was flagged to me as they wanted the game to be light and fun. He won't have counselling though.
Anyway, he's still been kicking off and shouting at us both since my last post, he spends all his time in his room if he's not at college and doesn't eat with us. He's still cooking at night and leaving a mess. My son gave him money yesterday so he could go to tesco, except he didn't and spent it all on weed, he came back and I could really smell it on him but he denied it. He went to his room and after that he came down and kicked off with me for taking his washing out of the machine, he does his own washing but he also then leaves it in so I can't do a wash and it then usually needs washed. I just hung it on the clothes horse but he kicked off at that and said I had no right touching his clothes and I did think he was going to hit me, my son was at work. Then he went back to his room and was on a video call to an online friend of his (he has no real life friends) and told me to leave him alone.
It can't go on like this and I don't know how I can keep picking up the pieces and try and get him on the right track if my son is going to give him money at the drop of a hat.
WIBU to tell him to stop? I have in the past and he says he's his son and his money. He just gives in so easily, even though he's moved in they still don't really have a relationship