Never having sex again

Early forties and married.
I’m starting to feel that I don’t really understand sex, what the point of it is exactly. Could happily never have it again.

Why do people always want to put a label on everything nowadays !

I thought my sex drive had completely gone. I've recently come off sertraline and oh my god. It's back with a vengeance. I don't know why I didn't link the two, as it was so gradual, but it's one of the biggest side effects so I should have known.

My partner (who has always had a low sex drive) has had a quiet life for 5 years, and now... poor man.

Everyone experience is unique after botched surgery DH was completely and permanently impotent. I grieved for a decade. After the menopause it was easier. I still miss it though after nearly 25 years

The reality is the way we are raised has an impact and so does societal norms. Sometimes by the time we realise this, our behaviour is already engrained and how we respond to it can vary widely. I think what’s really important is awareness of those influences and that can inform our reactions in a way that serves us. We shouldn’t worry about what others want and think. We should do what serves us. And if you are happy - then it doesn’t matter what other think. However I do think it’s human nature to seek other people that feel like us for validation.

I hope I never lose the urge!

I used to find sex very uncomfortable my DH has an overactive thyroid. We had absolutely no desire it and only happened once every few months.
Different story since DH is on medication i'm 6.5 stone lighter 🤗
Im 35 and he's 36

28 and after two kids my libido has been shot to the grave. Would quite happily live without it though because it really isnt all it's made out to be and doesn't really add anything to my life I can't live without

i couldnt do ANY of that in my marriage.

now my teens are 16/19 and while yes the oldest is disabled, the younger is able to make lunch for them both, so if i do want to pop out, i can.

also i get weekends to myself as they still visit their dads.

I doubt I'll ever have sex again and that makes me incredibly sad.

Personally I hope I never get there. Intimacy is a big part of my adult life and I cherish it. But then I think I have a very different approach to it than you describe. I never thought of having a relationship with a man as “chasing a man hoping he chose me”. I always thought of it as an exchange of experiences, thoughts and goals. But each to their own.

This.

Also, my answer: I was 49 when I realised I never wanted to be touched by a man again, or have to deal with them at all of possible. I'm 54 now and my life is so much happier.

Also just popped back to add that I've never been lovely. I absolutely Thrive in my solitude. Other people who do get lonely or are perhaps more needy (for want of a better word) are probably more likely to seek out relationships at my age or miss them if they aren't in one. It totally depends on your make up and how much shit you've put up with in the past

For me, back in the 70s there was huge pressure in being in a relationship or risk feeling a failure. I remember my first job at 17 in an office, there were a lot of other teenage girls (and guys) around 18/19 who were engaged. It seems mad now that being engaged at that age was totally normal (more normal it seemed than not being engaged). On my first day they were all asking me if I had a bf and I felt mortified because I didn’t have one. I can’t imagine that scenario in an office today.

Looking back I feel I wasted a lot of time neglecting myself in pursuit of guys and that god forsaken ‘pick me’ dance. All girls should be educated in never taking part in such a dance. I could kick myself looking back.

that's what I don't understand.

None of these things have anything to do with having a relationship or not, not being single doesn't mean I can't or wont' do any of these things, and even more so

I love popping to a friend's, impromptu beer garden, cheeky pint on the way to somewhere, take a weekend away at a moment's notice
it's a million time easier, or just possible full stop, for me to do that when their dad is around.

I can't imagine being in a relationship with no freedom.

I've found it really really hard being in a marriage ..it didn't feel natural to me ..where having children felt like I was born for the role ,and incredibly fulfilled by motherhood ..
I didn't think things through properly before getting married,about what the expectations were on me
Definitely would not do it again

define "need"?

In the same way as you don't "need" friends? I can totally survive on my own, I don't need a man to do anything for me, but I like having one.

I don't "need" friends either in that sense, I can do everything I do without friends, but I don't want to.

So yes, maybe I NEED a man, but depends what exactly you mean by that. Not to pay the bills, not to fix things, not to carry stuff, not to do DIY or tax return.

I felt that way for several years, the last few years of my marriage and a couple of years after my divorce. Then i very sceptically started dating and bam, there was my sex drive again! Went through the roof when I started HRT too. I think it’s linked to how I feel about myself, and finally not feeling like sex was a chore I had to get out of the way, but something that was for my enjoyment, with no expectations. I’m 50 now and have a lover 😁 I feel very French!