Never having sex again

enjoy it while you can… wait for the menopause!

I always had a super high sex drive in my 20’s & 30’s.

Once perimenopause hit however, that started to dry up. And now at 48 I have zero sex drive.

I’m with you OP. I separated from my DH last December. What a difference a year makes! I have so much headspace. I haven’t shaved my legs in six months 😂 I stopped bleaching my hair. I’ve hung out with my friends. I’ve got so much more time for my children (not his). I got a kitten 🐾 no more UTIs 😂 it’s been funny though how much interest I’ve had from the opposite sex … and how little interest I have in any of them! I don’t want to start dating again …and they don’t want to be my friend. So it’s been a hard and very easy NO from me.

I agree.

I’ve no problem with getting down and dirty with a no strings ‘friend’ - I just no longer have any interest in dealing with men and the supposed ‘partnership’ they bring to the table - it’s all far more hassle than it’s worth, it’s generally a one way street, it’s shit in general for women’s mental health, and it’s a massive disappointment.

I hear ya sister 🙂

"What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?"

You've asked two questions here but conflated them into one. When I was 57 I knew that I saw absolutely no value in having a male partner, but I would not rule out having sex without complications with one.

I always thought that if, god forbid, something happened to my husband, I would not take on another man, doubt anyone would be interested tbh. I think the peace and quiet of one less body to orchestrate would be bliss!

We talked about it a lot and about our relationship, what we wanted, what we saw in our future,

It started with feeling there was something wrong with not wanting sex. Like we ought to do it, what did it mean for us if we just never bothered again. Did it mean we didn't love each other?

The message you get from everywhere is that you're supposed to want sex and there's something wrong with you and/or your relationship if you don't.

It's hard I think to shake that off and think about what you actually want.

@MsWendy Agree. There nothing like a hysterectomy, cancer in the pelvis ( with it attached to the vagina) to kill the sex drive, beyond dead!

Was that a decision you made together or did it just never happen and again and nobody has brought it up?

Do you, or did you, ever talk about sex before it stopped?

Yes I assume the same. I also strength train like crazy and take creatine (which I've only started doing since I turned 40), and feel it also may partly be due to that.
I'm enjoying it while I can though!

Shed him 😂😂😂

This was me! I suspect it’s our bodies reaching the end of their reproductive ability and having a last hormonal hoorah to ensure pregnancy before it’s too late.

I’m mid 50s and whilst I enjoy sex with my DH very much, the “urge” to seek out sex has gone.

Some people are describing it being about having children, and losing interest after that has been achieved. It has never been that for me so I am not sure about that. I never wanted children with my first H. When he lost interest in sex with me (unbeknownst to me he had moved on to having sex with men) I had a series of short affairs/one night stands which were a lot of fun. Tried out all kinds of different things sexually, had one incredibly passionate affair at 40, then met second H (he was a one night stand originally). Plenty of sex then and continuing after our son was born a few years later. Now, not as often (because of the usual things, busy life, tiredness, aches and pains, medical issues etc etc), but I enjoy it just as much when it does happen.

Maybe because I never associated sex particularly with "cuddling" or comfort, I have different tastes? "Love" was never a prerequisite. I agree that "romantic love" is a con that has been fed to us. Sex is however a completely different thing...

Me too.

All the fluids and smells.

I’ve been on my own since my divorce many years ago. I wasn’t bothered till a very unexpected liaison with a younger colleague. It was short lived but amazing until we realised it just wouldn’t work even medium term. Both looking for very different things. We remain civil and I enjoy the occasional cheeky wink over lunch or good morning hug. I now think I would like a relationship so am working on it. No expectations. More companionship and hopefully some at least satisfactory sex. We’ll see.

When I see an older couple still holding hands I feel really sad. I do miss the closeness. DH lavishes all his cuddles on the dogs

Haven't had sex for about six years...hormones and libido have disappeared. I'm not happy about it and I desperately want a man in my life but I'm not sure it will ever happen. I dream of meeting the right person and my sex drive returning. I feel like there's not much to look forward to without the prospect of sex.

Ten years ago, I would have had sex today. Whether I wanted to or not, because it’s his birthday. I’m free now and have no interest whatsoever in sex. The thought can sometimes make me physically sick.
I love my life with my (adult) children, dog, friends, books and garden, all in my own space.
I Think I may be asexual. Not sure though.

I’m 75, and still enjoy a relationship with intimacy - I can’t imagine wanting to do without kisses, cuddles and sex.

😂

Sex was always a chore. If I could have done it just the twice to produce my 2 kids I'd have been happy.

I'm not asexual. I just don't get how it's meant to be an amazing experience. Several partners but it does nothing for me.

I’m 45 and I know in my bones that if and when me and partner (father of two kids 6 & 9) part ways, I will NEVER live with or share a bed with another one. They are so rank.

I am almost 50 and not yet! Definitely went off the boil during peri, but HRT brought it back.
But some of these posts have made me think. I am married, have been for decades but I still feel autonomous? And I don’t feel like I have to make compromises? Perhaps that’s because we like the same things. So either of us going out or on holiday with friends isn’t a compromise because we both enjoy that. Equally, staying at home, with wine and a film isn’t a compromise either, we both enjoy it. He has zero say in interior design (he is terrible at it!) but he doesn’t care so he doesn’t feel that’s a compromise either?